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Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

Briefs in a Brief

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies. “The market is sluggish right now, and small companies are very hard to get a hold of,” said Prudential analyst Henry Duncan. “Huge, slow, dumb companies are much more predictable. You can scarf down a whole bag of Cheetos and crush an empty can of Miller Genuine Draft on your forehead while watching your dog scratch itself before they’ll move much, one way or the other.”

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