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Saturday January 20th 2018    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

Your Schedule for the Presidential Inauguration, Friday, Jan. 20, 2017

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen to minorities? What will happen to the poor? What will happen if I go to work drunk?”

7 a.m. – Over breakfast, all the TV talk is about the inauguration. You bristle, but the voice inside your head attempts to calm you. “Life is strange,” it says. “Who knows? Maybe Donald Trump will change.” You sigh, nod, and tell yourself not to stress. Then the voice inside your head gives a hollow laugh. “I’m lying,” it says. “You’re pathetic.”

7:15 a.m. – As you brush your teeth, you think, “Things won’t get worse for everyone. It really depends on who you are.” You look in the mirror and remember that who you are is an American, so, yeah, it’ll get worse.

7:30 a.m. – You consider calling in sick to work, but realize half your office will probably do that, meaning the line will be shorter at Starbucks. You decide to go to work. Some opportunities are rare.

8:20 a.m. – Heading into work, you decide not to think about the inauguration. To distract yourself, you instead think about the day your grandfather died.

9:30 a.m. – At work, a colleague turns the television on, watching the beginning of inauguration ceremonies. He doesn’t seem bothered at all. In fact, he seems cheerful. You fight the urge to judge him, and instead decide to think of him as someone you kind of hate right now.

10:30 a.m. – Checking in on Facebook, you see most of your friends feel exactly the same as you about what today means, blissfully unaware that this is part of the problem.

12 p.m. – Unable to resist, you watch Trump take the oath of office. “God help us,” you think. “Or, if it turns out You actually wanted this to happen, please stop helping us.”

2 p.m. – You step outside to clear your head. The chill feels good. You take a deep breath as you watch a small bird sitting on a tree branch. “You’ll be dead soon,” you say. “We’ll all be dead soon.”

5:45 p.m. – You leave work, your day a bit of a haze. All you can think about – all anyone can think about – is that Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States. You shudder, but then you consider the peaceful transition of power and the great gift given to the people allowing them to decide for themselves who their leaders should be, and you wonder who’s fuckin’ great idea that was.

© 2017 SatireWire.com

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