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Janet Reno Awarded VirginMary.com Domain

Briefs in a Brief

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Just days after pop diva Madonna won a battle to wrest control of Madonna.com by arguing she was the world’s best known Madonna, Attorney General Janet Reno employed a similar argument to win the rights to VirginMary.com.

Several alleged virgins, many named Mary, attempted to win the domain from a shopping site, but all of them failed a virginity test administered by a Washington, D.C. court. However, Judge Harvey Winston decided to award the domain to the Attorney General without testing her, and despite her non-Mary status. “Is Janet Reno named Mary? No,” wrote Judge Winston. “Is Janet Reno a virgin? That, frankly, is a question this court does not even want to contemplate.”

Several religious orders were also vying for the domain, arguing their members were committed to God and inherently virginal. However, Ms. Reno’s lawyer said the Attorney General was equally celibate, as she was “married to no one but Justice.” In his decision, the Judge ruled both that Ms. Reno should get the domain, and that Justice was, indeed, blind.

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