News. Ish.
Friday October 31st 2014    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

Business-To-Unemployment (B2U) Dubbed Next Big Thing

Briefs in a BriefSan Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – It’s taken a couple of years for the Next Big Thing in e-business to reveal itself, but after another massive wave of dot-com cutbacks this week, analysts have concluded the Internet is migrating toward a layoff-based business model, which they’re already labeling B2U, or Business-to-Unemployment.

“Like most true sea changes, we didn’t recognize this one until it was staring us in the face,” said Gartner Group analyst Pam Wallaby, who refused to explain how a sea change can stare one in the face. “But if you look at how aggressively dot-coms have been disintegrating, it’s clear that to be an Internet player today, you have to focus on layoffs.”

Tim Draper, of venture firm Draper Fisher Jurvetson, asserted that he won’t even look at a new business plan if it doesn’t include a layoff schedule. “We’re still getting proposals from B2B and even B2C entrepreneurs, but I think the ideal startup today has to FLLO,” said Draper, referring to the newly-minted ‘Form-Launch-Lay-Off’ business model “That, to me, is the new definition of a pure-play Internet company.”

Copyright © 2000-2009, SatireWire.

Archives

Crazy Slots Casino