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“Homeless” Reclassified As “Mobile Internet Users”

Briefs in a Brief

Washington, D.C.. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new directive from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the estimated 750,000 Americans once considered “homeless” will be reclassified as “mobile Internet users” who choose to have no fixed address because today’s improved mobile technologies allow them to live and work from almost anywhere.

“With the proliferation of hand-held devices and laptop computers, mobile Internet access means anyone can now work, shop, and surf via the Internet from almost any location, and to saddle one group of people with the antiquated label of ‘homeless’ when in fact they may simply be taking advantage of technological freedoms does them a great disservice,” said HHS Secretary Tommy Thompson.

Advocacy groups such as the American Coalition for the Mobile Internet User, (formerly the American Coalition for the Homeless) blasted the directive for cutting off funding to MIU shelters and food programs, and pointed out that alleged MIUs don’t have computers or PDAs or jobs, not to mention Internet accounts. Thompson, however, said individual MIUs wishing to protest the change should email his office.

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