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Sunday October 26th 2014    Become a Fan on Facebook   Follow Us On Twitter

Earth to Wal-Mart…

Briefs in a BriefFayetteville, Ark. (SatireWire.com) – Emerging from the deep, isolated cavern where its executives apparently have been hibernating for the past two years, Wal-Mart Friday proudly announced it will roll out its own discount Internet service this fall, offering unlimited access for less than $10 a month.

The service, called Wal-Mart Connect, was unveiled at the retailer’s annual shareholders meeting, where one perplexed stockholder stepped up to the microphone to point out that the low-cost and no-cost Internet service provider model has failed miserably.

“What’s that? Hold on, let me just wake up a sec,” responded WalMart.com CEO Jeanne Jackson, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Boy, it’s really bright in here.” Jackson went on to wish shareholders a “happy and prosperous 1999.”


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