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	<title>SatireWire &#124; dot.com.edy &#187; Sci/Tech Briefs</title>
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		<title>Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=292</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Reno, Nev. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; President Bush blasted a plan unveiled Thursday that calls for depositing nuclear waste on the Moon, arguing the radioactive material could turn the lunar surface into a vast, uninhabitable wasteland. &#8220;Imagine a place where nothing would grow, where naturally occurring life would be nonexistent, where humans would only be able to [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Report That Pessimists Die Sooner No Big Surprise to Pessimists</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=294</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Arts Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;People who are overly pessimistic tend to have worse health long-term than their more positive peers, US researchers report.&#8221; &#8211; Reuters, Aug. 13 New York (SatireWire.com) &#8211; A study issued Tuesday claiming that pessimists have more long-term health problems than positive people just proves pessimists were right, say pessimists. The research, conducted by the Mayo [...]]]></description>
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		<title>New Attention Deficit Drug Is&#8230; Um&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=323</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=323#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[New York, N.Y (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Drugmaker Eli Lilly and Co. on Wednesday said that late-stage tests of its experimental treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) showed it to be look there&#8217;s a squirrel I don&#8217;t like that song. &#8220;Hello, I wonder what&#8217;s in my pocket?&#8221; Lilly researcher Dr. Martin Schank told reporters at a [...]]]></description>
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		<title>NASA Just Goes Ahead and Launches Satellite</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=329</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=329#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; NASA today said it launched a $952 million satellite this morning &#8220;just for the hell of it.&#8221; &#8220;Oh, what the fuck,&#8221; said NASA Project Manager James Arnaut, recalling his final words before hitting the launch button. The TRW-built satellite, carried on board a Delta II rocket, entered a [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Cloning White People Deemed Redundant</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=335</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=335#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Seoul, South Korea (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Spurred by disturbing claims that three women may already be pregnant with the first human clones, a group of Asian, African, and Hispanic scientists today declared that while genetic research may prove beneficial to mankind, the cloning of white people should be banned as redundant since &#8220;they all look alike [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Americans Told to Have Sex with the Dutch</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=351</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=351#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Intl-Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Reacting to a new report claiming young people in the Netherlands are less likely than their American counterparts to get pregnant or carry sexually transmitted diseases, U.S. health officials today announced that America&#8217;s teens should have sex with the Dutch. &#8220;If this study is correct, young people in the Netherlands are [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Nebula Alleges Hubble Pics Faked</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=358</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=358#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Vicinity of M17 (SatireWire.com) &#8211; The Omega nebula, also known as the Horseshoe nebula or M17, filed suit today against the U.S. government and NASA claiming recently released pictures allegedly taken by the Hubble Space Telescope were faked. &#8220;Anybody who knows me knows that those are not my star clusters,&#8221; said the massive, star-forming region [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Idiot Dad Recommends Great Web Sight</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=378</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=378#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Ann Arbor, Mich. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; For the third time in as many days, 48-year-old Richard Cauthen, father of 20-year-old college student Brian Cauthen, sent an email to his son recommending a &#8220;really great web sight.&#8221; &#8220;This sight is really good. I thought you and your buddies would get a kick out of it like I [...]]]></description>
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		<title>BMW Gets Blue Windscreen of Death</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=389</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=389#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.satirewire.com/content/?p=389</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Microsoft announced this week that a version of its Windows operating system will be installed in BMW&#8217;s new 7 Series cars, a move analysts say will dramatically increase the vehicle&#8217;s ability to suddenly crash for no reason. According to BMW spokesman Gehard Voorst, the cars, which will now take at least [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=391</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=391#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[San Francisco (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Gateway Learning Corporation, maker of Hooked On Phonics, said today it will spin off its language teaching arm in an in-ish-ul pub-lik aw-fer-ing, or I Pee Oh. In an S-1 filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the company said it hopes to sell 5 mil-yun shairs at ate dahl-erz. The [...]]]></description>
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