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	<title>SatireWire &#124; dot.com.edy &#187; Business</title>
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		<title>FLORIDA&#8217;S NEWEST AMUSEMENT PARK: &#8220;SINKHOLELAND&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5321</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Jun 2013 20:18:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[amusement parks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[florida]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[DADE CITY, FL (SatireWire.com) – Cinderella’s Missing Castle, Unnerving Journey to the Center of the Earth, Pirates of the Caribbeneath, Spelunk-a-Dunk – the rides at Florida’s SinkholeLand Amusement Park are finally open for business. Wide open, in fact.]]></description>
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		<title>POWERBALL DROPS NUMBERS FOR SHAPES AS MATH STANDARDS FALL</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4867</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Mar 2013 15:40:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[lottery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lotto]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[power play]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[powerball jackpot]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WEST DES MOINES, IA (SatireWire.com) – Keeping up with declining math standards in the United States, Powerball today announced it has abandoned numbers and will instead use balls painted with 59 familiar colors and shapes.]]></description>
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		<title>FISH IN GULF HAIL DEAL, BUT PREFER TO EAT BP EXECUTIVES, THANKS</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4514</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4514#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Nov 2012 17:54:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[bp]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BP penalty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BP settlement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[deepwater horizon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gulf oil disaster]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[oil spill wildlife impact]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[OFF NEW ORLEANS, LA. (SatireWire.com) -- Marine wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico say they are pleased BP was found guilty in the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, but have declined to accept the $4.5 billion penalty, saying they’d rather just eat the BP executives, thanks.]]></description>
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		<title>JOB NUMBERS MORE FUCKING CONFUSING THAN EXPECTED</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4329</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4329#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Oct 2012 21:53:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[employment numbers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[job numbers]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[september unemployment]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The unemployment rate in September dropped to 7.8 percent while manufacturing job losses rose and temporary jobs declined and total jobs rose, numbers that  analysts said are way more fucking confusing than expected.]]></description>
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		<title>AMERICAN AIRLINES REBRANDS LOOSE SEATS AS ‘FLEXISEATS’</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4297</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4297#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Oct 2012 17:58:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[airline seats]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[american airlines]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flexiseat]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loose seats]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[seat scandal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[seat upgrade]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[DALLAS, TX (SatireWire.com) -- Reacting to rows of seats that came loose in flight, American Airlines today said it has inspected nearly 50 of its Boeing 757s and concluded the seats that tip back offer 68 percent more leg- and headroom and will now be considered an upgrade.]]></description>
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		<title>UNIVERSITIES OFFER NEW “BACHELOR OF WHATEVER” DEGREE</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4225</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4225#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 May 2012 19:04:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[college graduate]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[education]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[employment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unemployment rate for college grads]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Sensitive to claims they no longer prepare students for the real world, universities across the country today unveiled a new type of degree – the Bachelor of Whatever (B.W.), where students select their own courses, track their own progress, test and grade themselves, graduate Magna Cum Laude, and whatever it doesn’t matter there aren’t any jobs.]]></description>
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		<title>U.S. BOSSES BRACING TO BE TOLD TO FUCK OFF BY LOTTERY WINNER</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4150</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=4150#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 30 Mar 2012 21:12:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[mega millions]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- As Americans turn out in droves to purchase tickets for Friday’s $640 million lottery drawing, the nation’s managers, supervisors, and administrators are bracing themselves for someone to walk through their door Monday morning and tell them to fuck off.]]></description>
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		<title>GAS-PRICE PROTESTER CAN’T AFFORD TO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3977</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3977#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:33:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[bp]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gallon of gas]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[inflation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[oil drilling]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[LOS ANGELES, CA (SatireWire.com) – A desperate 33-year-old man attempting to set himself on fire to protest rising gas prices abandoned his demonstration today after he was unable to afford the gallon of fuel needed to douse himself and light a match.]]></description>
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		<title>GOVT ADMITS IT AIMED RULE AT ONE PARTICULARLY HOT CATHOLIC NURSE</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3863</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3863#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:59:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – The administration today backed off a requirement that religious employers provide birth control coverage after conceding the entire rule was actually written in a government attempt to hook up with a particularly hot 23-year-old Catholic nurse in Cleveland.]]></description>
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		<title>ANALYSIS SHOWS EVERY SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL WAS PRO-OBAMA</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3782</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=3782#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:51:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- It is entirely true, as Republicans claim, that Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” commercial, run during the Super Bowl and starring Clint Eastwood, was blatantly pro-Obama. After all, “halftime” clearly refers to it being halfway through Obama’s presidency. The ad's assertion that Chrysler survived “tough times” is an obvious thank you for the government bailout. And at least one of the actors in the spot is African American. Just like President Obama. But what of the rest of the Super Bowl spots? Here’s the chillingly spot-on GOP analysis.]]></description>
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