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	<title>SatireWire &#124; dot.com.edy &#187; Authority Briefs</title>
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		<title>Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=292</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=292#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Reno, Nev. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; President Bush blasted a plan unveiled Thursday that calls for depositing nuclear waste on the Moon, arguing the radioactive material could turn the lunar surface into a vast, uninhabitable wasteland. &#8220;Imagine a place where nothing would grow, where naturally occurring life would be nonexistent, where humans would only be able to [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Bush Finally Evacuated From White House</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=310</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=310#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; In a marked improvement over their response to previous threats, federal agents evacuated President Bush from the White House today, just two days after a small plane entered restricted air space over Washington. &#8220;Mr. President, sir, your life might have been in danger,&#8221; FBI and Secret Service agents reportedly told Bush. [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Ventura&#8217;s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=313</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=313#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[St. Paul, Minn. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Saying he wanted to protect his family&#8217;s privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that the intense media scrutiny given to those in public service is driving away the best and brightest professional wrestlers. Ventura, whose first term has been [...]]]></description>
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		<title>FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=321</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=321#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Seeking to quell fears it will abuse its newly acquired powers of surveillance, the FBI today promised it would not only respond to any concerns, but will follow complainants in the field to observe their concerns, and talk about those concerns with complainants&#8217; friends, relatives, acquaintances, business colleagues, and anyone else [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=327</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=327#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Democratic finger-pointing over how the Bush administration handled terrorist threats prior to 9/11 intensified today as Republicans accused their opponents of purposely pointing at the White House with the wrong finger. &#8220;When pointing the finger of blame, you&#8217;re supposed to use your index finger, and we suspect they know that,&#8221; said [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=338</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=338#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; In a long-awaited decision, the Transportation Security Administration today denied a request that would have allowed airline pilots to carry firearms in the cockpit, but said it would allow them to &#8220;do that wacko crazy-person thing where you make lots of erratic movements and scream at yourself and swear and bark [...]]]></description>
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		<title>FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=343</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=343#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; More than six months after several letters containing weaponized anthrax were mailed across the country, FBI director Robert Mueller today announced his agency would offer a $2.5 million reward for reliable information on the whereabouts of the FBI&#8217;s anthrax investigation. During a briefing at FBI headquarters, Mueller said he vaguely recalled [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Bush: &#8220;How About Historical Re-Enactment?&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=347</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=347#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; After having his previous overtures rejected, President Bush today surprised Arab nations by renouncing his intentions to invade Iraq and instead suggesting the two countries establish cultural ties by staging a historical reenactment. In particular, Bush tossed out the idea of recreating the 1991 Gulf War. &#8220;We&#8217;ll have our guys dress [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Bush: &#8220;Dad Left Wallet in Iraq&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=354</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=354#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Intl-Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Arab leaders today said they were skeptical of George W. Bush&#8217;s latest assertion regarding Iraq: that his father left his wallet in Baghdad and the United States just wants to dash in with 100,000 troops and get it. &#8220;I don&#8217;t know, I&#8217;ve forgotten my wallet before, but I just have [...]]]></description>
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		<title>U.S. Drops Cats Into Belgium</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=367</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=367#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 17:11:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Intl-Briefs]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) &#8211; Countering accusations from liberals and conservatives alike that U.S. policy in the Middle East has become &#8220;confused and incoherent,&#8221; the Bush administration today announced that it has in fact parachuted 225,000 cats into Belgium. Said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer: &#8220;The U.S. continues to support the peace process between the Palestinians [...]]]></description>
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