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	<title>SatireWire &#124; dot.com.edy</title>
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		<title>NFL PLAYERS MAY FACE HATE CRIMES FOR TARGETING UNIFORM COLOR</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5435</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Sep 2013 20:16:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fbi hate crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hate crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nfl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[uniforms]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 700 National Football League players may be charged with federal hate crimes after they purposely attacked and subdued opponents last weekend based solely on the color of their uniforms.]]></description>
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		<title>U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5428</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5428#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 16 Sep 2013 14:16:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[bashar al-assad]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chemical weapons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[putin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[russia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sarin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[syria]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[u.s. russia agreement]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[(SatireWire.com) – U.S. State Department transcript of a cell phone call between Palmer Greavey, Under Deputy Secretary for the Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Deputy Undersecretary of State for Middle Eastern Affairs, and a 29-year-old civilian identified as Hassam.]]></description>
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		<title>ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5419</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5419#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 04 Sep 2013 14:55:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[50 shades of grey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ariel castro]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Charlie Hunnam]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[christian grey]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’.]]></description>
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		<title>MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5396</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5396#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Aug 2013 19:27:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cdc]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Disease]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disorders]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pandemic]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[world health organization]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[ATLANTA (SatireWire) -- It is known by many names: Common Fulgent Peplepsia,  The Kitchen Dropsy, Male Pattern Balls Cup, Mazelcoffin, and Screamy Screamy Run Run, but one thing is certain: Aparalytic Contradysfunctional Exoficial Disorder affects one in nearly every human being between the ages in the world.]]></description>
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		<title>RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5386</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5386#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 31 Jul 2013 19:40:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anagrams]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hostage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hostages]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas.]]></description>
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		<title>ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5378</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Jul 2013 20:14:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[armed teachers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[clarskville]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[guns in school]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[school shootings]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the teachers or staff either loses control or accidentally shoots someone.]]></description>
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		<title>WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5363</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5363#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Jul 2013 20:49:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anthony weiner]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cold dead hands]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gun control]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights.]]></description>
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		<title>NASA TURNS OFF SPACE TELESCOPES, GOES OUTSIDE</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5350</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5350#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Jul 2013 20:42:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sci/Tech]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[astrophysics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hubble]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nasa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[play time]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[space telescope]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Saying everyone had spent more than enough time sitting in front of computer screens and TV monitors, NASA today abruptly turned off all its space telescopes and satellites and told scientists to go outside, for God’s sake. ]]></description>
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		<title>DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5338</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5338#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Jul 2013 06:14:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Authority]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[death valley]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grim reaper]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heat wave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[record heat]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of 150,000 humans every day.]]></description>
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		<title>FLORIDA&#8217;S NEWEST AMUSEMENT PARK: &#8220;SINKHOLELAND&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5321</link>
		<comments>http://www.satirewire.com/content1/?p=5321#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Jun 2013 20:18:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homepage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[amusement parks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[florida]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sinkhole]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[DADE CITY, FL (SatireWire.com) – Cinderella’s Missing Castle, Unnerving Journey to the Center of the Earth, Pirates of the Caribbeneath, Spelunk-a-Dunk – the rides at Florida’s SinkholeLand Amusement Park are finally open for business. Wide open, in fact.]]></description>
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