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CIA DEFENDS BRIBES, SAYS KARZAI VERY HELPFUL, ALSO SOLID GOLD

CIA DEFENDS BRIBES, SAYS KARZAI VERY HELPFUL, ALSO SOLID GOLD

KABUL (SatireWire.com) -- The CIA today vehemently denied that tens of millions of dollars in cash secretly paid to Afghan leaders was wasted or “simply disappeared,” pointing out that if that were true, Afghan President Hamid Karzai would not now be made of solid gold. [Read More]

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

NEW YORK CITY (SatireWire.com) -- Inspired by 7-foot NBA center Jason Collins and towering Baylor basketball star Brittney Griner, Manhattan’s iconic Chrysler Building today joined the parade of really tall things coming out as gay. [Read More]

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

NEW HAVEN, CT (SatireWire.com) -- From the bombings in Boston to potholes in Britain to whatever it was CNN got wrong this time, someone or something has to take the blame. As a new public service, SatireWire presents, "This Week in Blame" -- a sadly accurate list of 50 [Read More]

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

SEATTLE (SatireWire.com) -- After a tragic week that saw terrorist bombs strike the heart of Boston, Americans are breathing a sigh of relief today that the worst is over and they can go back to simply shooting each other. [Read More]

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a solemn, often plaintive ceremony tinged with ineludible regret, 40 United States senators bid an emotional farewell to their balls Wednesday, moments before siding with the gun lobby to vote down a bill expanding background checks [Read More]

INDIGENOUS MARTIANS THRILLED AT PROSPECT OF BEING COLONIZED

INDIGENOUS MARTIANS THRILLED AT PROSPECT OF BEING COLONIZED

OUT THERE (SatireWire.com) – Word that a private aerospace company is launching a mission to colonize Mars has reached the Red Planet, where the local life forms say they're thrilled at the prospect of being colonized by humans, who have such a strong track record of [Read More]

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing texting and driving is as much a part of the American travel experience as speeding, the U.S. Transportation Department today unveiled “text-only lanes” that allow drivers to meander across traffic, zigzag into oncoming [Read More]

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CANESVILLE, MS (SatireWire.com) -- A massive tornado, spinning in a reverse clockwise direction struck this small Mississippi town just before dawn today, leaving renovated homes, firmly rooted trees and shiny, unstrewn cars in its wake. [Read More]

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) – Conceding a firearm in the home increases the risk of gun-related violence, but sticking to their belief that the only way to stop someone with a gun is with a gun, the NRA today suggested firearm owners buy a second gun to protect [Read More]

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

PYONGYANG (SatireWire.com) -- In this episode, All-Powerful Great Leader Kim Jong-un meets with the North Korean Threat and Provocation Committee, which has some bad news. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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