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CONGRESS FITTED WITH CONDOM SO IT CAN SCREW AMERICA SAFELY

CONGRESS FITTED WITH CONDOM SO IT CAN SCREW AMERICA SAFELY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Public health officials sheathed the Capitol Dome in a 55,000-square-foot latex condom today, explaining that if Congress is going to screw the country, it should at least do so responsibly. [Read More]

GIDDY GOP NOW WANTS REPEAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, TREATY OF GHENT

GIDDY GOP NOW WANTS REPEAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, TREATY OF GHENT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Giddy after successfully shutting down government over a 2010 health care law they dislike, Republicans today said the White House must also now agree to repeal the 1964 Civil Rights Act, the National Banking Act of 1863, and the [Read More]

CONGRESS RECLASSIFIES MISSISSIPPI RIVER AS PLANET

CONGRESS RECLASSIFIES MISSISSIPPI RIVER AS PLANET

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In attempt to refute accusations it has lost touch with reality, Congress today reclassified the Mississippi River as a planet and gave itself until midnight tonight to find the nation’s tallest pigeon. [Read More]

NFL PLAYERS MAY FACE HATE CRIMES FOR TARGETING UNIFORM COLOR

NFL PLAYERS MAY FACE HATE CRIMES FOR TARGETING UNIFORM COLOR

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 700 National Football League players may be charged with federal hate crimes after they purposely attacked and subdued opponents last weekend based solely on the color of their uniforms. [Read More]

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

(SatireWire.com) – U.S. State Department transcript of a cell phone call between Palmer Greavey, Under Deputy Secretary for the Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Deputy Undersecretary of State for Middle Eastern Affairs, and a 29-year-old civilian identified as Hassam. [Read More]

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. [Read More]

MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING

MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING

ATLANTA (SatireWire) -- It is known by many names: Common Fulgent Peplepsia, The Kitchen Dropsy, Male Pattern Balls Cup, Mazelcoffin, and Screamy Screamy Run Run, but one thing is certain: Aparalytic Contradysfunctional Exoficial Disorder affects one in nearly every human [Read More]

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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