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U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

(SatireWire.com) – U.S. State Department transcript of a cell phone call between Palmer Greavey, Under Deputy Secretary for the Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Deputy Undersecretary of State for Middle Eastern Affairs, and a 29-year-old civilian identified as Hassam. [Read More]

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. [Read More]

MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING

MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING

ATLANTA (SatireWire) -- It is known by many names: Common Fulgent Peplepsia, The Kitchen Dropsy, Male Pattern Balls Cup, Mazelcoffin, and Screamy Screamy Run Run, but one thing is certain: Aparalytic Contradysfunctional Exoficial Disorder affects one in nearly every human [Read More]

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]

NASA TURNS OFF SPACE TELESCOPES, GOES OUTSIDE

NASA TURNS OFF SPACE TELESCOPES, GOES OUTSIDE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Saying everyone had spent more than enough time sitting in front of computer screens and TV monitors, NASA today abruptly turned off all its space telescopes and satellites and told scientists to go outside, for God’s sake. [Read More]

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of [Read More]

FLORIDA’S NEWEST AMUSEMENT PARK: “SINKHOLELAND”

FLORIDA’S NEWEST AMUSEMENT PARK: “SINKHOLELAND”

DADE CITY, FL (SatireWire.com) – Cinderella’s Missing Castle, Unnerving Journey to the Center of the Earth, Pirates of the Caribbeneath, Spelunk-a-Dunk – the rides at Florida’s SinkholeLand Amusement Park are finally open for business. Wide open, in fact. [Read More]

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spectacular fashion and not get the girl, while 46 percent think he is a [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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