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WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian President Vladimir Putin and vowed to thwart his invasion of Crimea by taking bold and decisive action in their minds. [Read More]

CRIMEA THREAT A GOD-SEND FOR H.S. TEACHER’S CRIMEAN WAR UNIT

CRIMEA THREAT A GOD-SEND FOR H.S. TEACHER’S CRIMEAN WAR UNIT

ST. LOUIS, MO (SatireWire.com) -- Russia’s incursion into Crimea and the threat of impending bloodshed could not come at a better time, said excited high school history teacher Luis Salgado, who is about to go over the 19th century Crimean War with his usually [Read More]

NATION’S BULLIES DELIGHTED BY LONG-TERM IMPACT OF BULLYING

NATION’S BULLIES DELIGHTED BY LONG-TERM IMPACT OF BULLYING

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- A heartbreaking new study that shows victims of childhood bullying can suffer long-term mental and physical health problems is, "friggin’ awesome," the nation’s bullies said today. [Read More]

U.N. REPORT CONCLUDES SOMEBODY SHOULD DO SOMETHING

U.N. REPORT CONCLUDES SOMEBODY SHOULD DO SOMETHING

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – An exhaustive, year-long United Nations report on the deteriorating state of the world has concluded that somebody should do something. [Read More]

GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING

GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING

SPARTA, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- The frequent snowstorms that have shut down much of the Eastern U.S. this winter are not the result of climate change or coincidence, but were meant specifically to cancel the Sparta, N.J., Community Center’s weekly “Hip-Hop-Til-U-Drop" [Read More]

POLL: 90% OF NFL WOULD LET GAY PLAYER FUCK THEM IF IT MEANS WINS

POLL: 90% OF NFL WOULD LET GAY PLAYER FUCK THEM IF IT MEANS WINS

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- In a new poll that belies the perception that pro football is homophobic, more 90 percent of NFL players said they would let a gay teammate fuck them if it helped them win the Super Bowl. [Read More]

UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Speaking on national television Tuesday night, a generally unpopular person told a large gathering of even less popular people that if they do not agree to help him do popular things he will do them on his own even though one reason [Read More]

XANAX NAMED OFFICIAL ANTI-ANXIETAL OF SOCHI OLYMPICS

XANAX NAMED OFFICIAL ANTI-ANXIETAL OF SOCHI OLYMPICS

SOCHI, RUSSIA (SatireWire.com) – In response to endless travel warnings about suicide bombers, separatist plots and potential catastrophe, Xanax today was named the official anti-anxiety medication of the Sochi Winter Olympics. [Read More]

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

OK, OK, I know. Why would I answer Katy Perry’s prayers and ignore the pleas of people who are hungry or homeless or dying? Why would I grant her youthful request to have bigger breasts when instead I could save a child here or a village there? But hey, in my defense, [Read More]

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claiming the 85 richest people on Earth have the same wealth as the entire bottom half of the world’s population has caused outrage among the top 85, who insist the measurement is misleading because their stuff is much nicer. [Read More]

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JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn, who died [Read More]

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

(SatireWire.com) After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has [Read More]

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - In the latest staff shakeup, President-elect Donald Trump today reportedly replaced key [Read More]

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

RICHMOND, VA – Donald Trump’s shock election has dramatically shifted the political landscape in the home of [Read More]

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Pushed to the limits of pain by an election that was initially entertaining but [Read More]

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