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CONTROLLERS: ‘PILOTS PUT US TO SLEEP’

CONTROLLERS: ‘PILOTS PUT US TO SLEEP’

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Beleaguered air traffic controllers went on the offensive today, accusing pilots of purposely putting them to sleep by constantly speaking in that low-level, monotone mumble. [Read More]

HEROIC OIL COMPANIES OFFER TO FLY LIBYAN OIL TO SAFETY

HEROIC OIL COMPANIES OFFER TO FLY LIBYAN OIL TO SAFETY

TRIPOLI (SatireWire.com) – As chaos mounts in Libya, concerned petroleum firms across the globe have made a courageous pledge to fly all of Libya’s oil to safety. [Read More]

CHARLIE SHEEN TO HELP ARABS TAKE FREEDOM TO ‘NEXT LEVEL’

CHARLIE SHEEN TO HELP ARABS TAKE FREEDOM TO ‘NEXT LEVEL’

CAIRO (SatireWire.com) – Pledging to help the Arab world take freedom “to the next level,” actor Charlie Sheen flew to the Middle East today with 650 tons of cocaine and 4,000 hookers. [Read More]

‘SNOW BLOWERS’ – SUBURBAN GANGS ADD NEW THREAT TO WINTER

‘SNOW BLOWERS’ – SUBURBAN GANGS ADD NEW THREAT TO WINTER

HAMDEN, CT (SatireWire.com) – For 33-year-old Kevin Embree, it was the moment he realized his quiet Connecticut neighborhood was out of control. “I’m shoveling my driveway on Tuesday,” he recalled, “and five of my neighbors, pushing snow blowers, come up to me, [Read More]

BIPARTISAN DATES: THE MORNING AFTER

BIPARTISAN DATES: THE MORNING AFTER

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – They went together, as bipartisan dates, to President Obama’s State of the Union address. It didn’t always work out, but at least one happy pair saw the sunrise together. We sat down with nine couples on the morning after. [Read More]

OPRAH LAUNCHES “O2: THE OPRAH WINFREY SISTER”

OPRAH LAUNCHES “O2: THE OPRAH WINFREY SISTER”

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- Oprah Winfrey, host of the Oprah Winfrey Show, chairman of the Oprah Winfrey Network, and founder of O: The Oprah Magazine, today announced her long-lost sister Patricia has agreed to be called O2: The Oprah Winfrey Sister. [Read More]

U.S. TO SELL OFF UNDERPERFORMING STATES

U.S. TO SELL OFF UNDERPERFORMING STATES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Yielding to economic pressure, the U.S. will sell off 11 underperforming states by the end of the year, the White House announced today. [Read More]

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The United States formally apologized to China today for the behavior of Vice President Joe Biden, who spent nearly an hour prior to Wednesday's state dinner trying to make President Hu Jintao take part in a “Hu’s on first” [Read More]

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 235 years after moving out in a massive row, the United States has asked to move back in with Britain “temporarily,” until it can get out of debt and back on its feet. [Read More]

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (SatireWire.com) – Exiled dictator Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier today finally explained the reason for his surprise return to Haiti, saying he wanted to get back to his ravaged homeland before there was no one there left to repress. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the [Read More]

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]

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