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CHARLIE SHEEN TO HELP ARABS TAKE FREEDOM TO ‘NEXT LEVEL’

CHARLIE SHEEN TO HELP ARABS TAKE FREEDOM TO ‘NEXT LEVEL’

CAIRO (SatireWire.com) – Pledging to help the Arab world take freedom “to the next level,” actor Charlie Sheen flew to the Middle East today with 650 tons of cocaine and 4,000 hookers. [Read More]

‘SNOW BLOWERS’ – SUBURBAN GANGS ADD NEW THREAT TO WINTER

‘SNOW BLOWERS’ – SUBURBAN GANGS ADD NEW THREAT TO WINTER

HAMDEN, CT (SatireWire.com) – For 33-year-old Kevin Embree, it was the moment he realized his quiet Connecticut neighborhood was out of control. “I’m shoveling my driveway on Tuesday,” he recalled, “and five of my neighbors, pushing snow blowers, come up to me, [Read More]

BIPARTISAN DATES: THE MORNING AFTER

BIPARTISAN DATES: THE MORNING AFTER

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – They went together, as bipartisan dates, to President Obama’s State of the Union address. It didn’t always work out, but at least one happy pair saw the sunrise together. We sat down with nine couples on the morning after. [Read More]

OPRAH LAUNCHES “O2: THE OPRAH WINFREY SISTER”

OPRAH LAUNCHES “O2: THE OPRAH WINFREY SISTER”

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- Oprah Winfrey, host of the Oprah Winfrey Show, chairman of the Oprah Winfrey Network, and founder of O: The Oprah Magazine, today announced her long-lost sister Patricia has agreed to be called O2: The Oprah Winfrey Sister. [Read More]

U.S. TO SELL OFF UNDERPERFORMING STATES

U.S. TO SELL OFF UNDERPERFORMING STATES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Yielding to economic pressure, the U.S. will sell off 11 underperforming states by the end of the year, the White House announced today. [Read More]

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The United States formally apologized to China today for the behavior of Vice President Joe Biden, who spent nearly an hour prior to Wednesday's state dinner trying to make President Hu Jintao take part in a “Hu’s on first” [Read More]

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 235 years after moving out in a massive row, the United States has asked to move back in with Britain “temporarily,” until it can get out of debt and back on its feet. [Read More]

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (SatireWire.com) – Exiled dictator Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier today finally explained the reason for his surprise return to Haiti, saying he wanted to get back to his ravaged homeland before there was no one there left to repress. [Read More]

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

TUCSON, AZ (SatireWire.com) -- Accusing the Arizona shootings of callously "tragedizing" politics, hundreds of media pundits gathered in this stricken city today in a vigil for shallow partisanship and angry rhetoric, which they said have been victimized by the horrific [Read More]

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

KABUL, COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) -- Vice President Joe Biden today vowed America will not repeat past mistakes by abandoning Afghanistan after U.S. troops leave, but will instead begin to forget about the country now, well ahead of the 2014 withdrawal. [Read More]

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PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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