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U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 235 years after moving out in a massive row, the United States has asked to move back in with Britain “temporarily,” until it can get out of debt and back on its feet. [Read More]

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (SatireWire.com) – Exiled dictator Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier today finally explained the reason for his surprise return to Haiti, saying he wanted to get back to his ravaged homeland before there was no one there left to repress. [Read More]

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

TUCSON, AZ (SatireWire.com) -- Accusing the Arizona shootings of callously "tragedizing" politics, hundreds of media pundits gathered in this stricken city today in a vigil for shallow partisanship and angry rhetoric, which they said have been victimized by the horrific [Read More]

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

KABUL, COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) -- Vice President Joe Biden today vowed America will not repeat past mistakes by abandoning Afghanistan after U.S. troops leave, but will instead begin to forget about the country now, well ahead of the 2014 withdrawal. [Read More]

HOUSE TO READ ‘HARRY POTTER’ NEXT, THEN ‘VAGINA MONOLOGUES’

HOUSE TO READ ‘HARRY POTTER’ NEXT, THEN ‘VAGINA MONOLOGUES’

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Exhilarated and inspired after reading the U.S. Constitution aloud on Thursday, the House of Representatives voted to recite the full Harry Potter series next, followed by The Vagina Monologues. [Read More]

OBAMA PANTSED

OBAMA PANTSED

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – President Obama was pantsed Tuesday by freshmen House Republicans as part of the time-honored scavenger hunt that marks the end of initiation week for new GOP representatives. [Read More]

NATION’S BIRDS GROUNDED AFTER CRASH

NATION’S BIRDS GROUNDED AFTER CRASH

BEEBE, ARK (SatireWire.com) -- The nation’s birds have been grounded pending an investigation into a massive blackbird crash in Arkansas over the weekend. [Read More]

FACEBOOK SURPASSES MASTURBATION

FACEBOOK SURPASSES MASTURBATION

PALO ALTO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another sign of its growing dominance, Facebook today announced it has surpassed masturbation as the world’s most popular way to kill 10 minutes. [Read More]

WIKILEAKS RELEASES BOEHNER’S NETFLIX ACCOUNT

WIKILEAKS RELEASES BOEHNER’S NETFLIX ACCOUNT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Just days after his tearful 60 Minutes interview, a visibly upset House Minority Leader John Boehner today announced WikiLeaks has published details of his private Netflix account showing “Terms of Endearment” has still not shipped, [Read More]

TIRED OF FAVRE, GOD COLLAPSES METRODOME

TIRED OF FAVRE, GOD COLLAPSES METRODOME

MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. (SatireWire.com) – Declaring He’s “about had it up to here,” a frustrated God said today the collapse of the Metrodome roof on Sunday was not a blessing in disguise for Brett Favre, but a rather obvious message, He thought, to the injured Vikings [Read More]

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BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After repeatedly being labeled a dictator by Republicans and conservative media, [Read More]

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who [Read More]

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

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