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JESUS LEAVES BRONCOS, SIGNS WITH PATRIOTS

JESUS LEAVES BRONCOS, SIGNS WITH PATRIOTS

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) – Tired of living in Tim Tebow’s shadow, Jesus Christ left the Denver Broncos today and signed as a free agent with the New England Patriots, who will face Denver in an intriguing AFC playoff game on Saturday. [Read More]

CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES

CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES

BEIJING (SatireWire.com) – In a further blow to U.S. manufacturing, China today announced it will produce American babies at one-tenth the cost of its U.S. counterparts. [Read More]

ANGRY, CAUSTIC GINGRICH FAULTS NEW POSITIVE GINGRICH

ANGRY, CAUSTIC GINGRICH FAULTS NEW POSITIVE GINGRICH

DES MOINES, IOWA (SatireWire.com) -- An angry, caustic Newt Gingrich today blamed his poor showing in the Iowa caucuses on the happy, positive Newt Gingrich that tried to win without going negative, and pledged to go on the offensive to stop his internal rival from [Read More]

CAPTURED U.S. DRONE CONVERTS TO ISLAM

CAPTURED U.S. DRONE CONVERTS TO ISLAM

TEHRAN (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. drone captured by Iran earlier this month has converted to Islam, dashing American hopes to retrieve the unmanned aircraft. [Read More]

NATION’S TOP 1% AGREE TO TAX HIKE IN EXCHANGE FOR OTHER 99%

NATION’S TOP 1% AGREE TO TAX HIKE IN EXCHANGE FOR OTHER 99%

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – In a compromise to break government deadlock, the nation’s wealthiest 1 percent today agreed to allow their taxes to rise in exchange for the other 99 percent. The bargain, worked out last night during an invitation-only teleconference among [Read More]

PENN STATE, SYRACUSE TO FACE OFF IN DENIAL BOWL

PENN STATE, SYRACUSE TO FACE OFF IN DENIAL BOWL

HOUSTON, TX (SatireWire.com) – Penn State and Syracuse will face each other in the inaugural BP-Herman Cain-Blackberry-Catholic Church Denial Bowl on Christmas morning, school officials announced today. [Read More]

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Hearing that Michele Bachmann wants his support for the job she seeks, former presidential candidate Herman Cain said he has invited the Minnesota congresswoman to meet with him in his car on a secluded street on the outskirts of [Read More]

HURRICANE IRENE UNHAPPY WITH PATH THROUGH LIFE

HURRICANE IRENE UNHAPPY WITH PATH THROUGH LIFE

MIAMI, FL (SatireWire.com) -- Hurricane Irene, barreling toward the U.S. East Coast, said today it is very unhappy with its projected path and would like to chart its own course through life that would include college, a good job, and possibly a family. [Read More]

STUDY: 81% OF OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN WILL HATE US

STUDY: 81% OF OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN WILL HATE US

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- An unsettling new study by the London School of Economics projects that 81 percent of our children's children will not only suffer for our inadequacies, but will look back on this generation and hate its fucking guts. [Read More]

GOP TO RELEASE REBUTTAL BIN LADEN MOVIE

GOP TO RELEASE REBUTTAL BIN LADEN MOVIE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Angered that a movie about the death of Osama bin Laden will debut just before the 2012 election, Republicans today said they will release a rebuttal film that “accurately portrays” how the terrorist leader was killed by low taxes, [Read More]

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CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health [Read More]

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it [Read More]

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A contrite Apple Inc. today admitted it was to blame for the suggestion by Rep. Jason [Read More]

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