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CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) – News network CNN again today urged amateur stormchasers not to video tornadoes but instead seek shelter immediately, a warning they reinforced by repeatedly showing footage from amateur stormchasers not seeking shelter immediately. [Read More]

CONGRESS CATCHES BIBI FEVER

CONGRESS CATCHES BIBI FEVER

CONCERT REVIEW (SatireWire.com) – As conservative Florida Congressman Allen West jostled toward his seat in the packed House, the excitement on his face was visible. So was the word “Bibi,” which he had scrawled across his forehead, in hot pink lipstick, with little [Read More]

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- The Apocalypse missed a connection in Atlanta and failed to arrive on Saturday at 6 p.m. as originally scheduled. The Apocalypse apologizes for any inconvenience and will reschedule as soon as possible. The Apocalypse’s full statement follows: [Read More]

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS SOOO OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS <I>SOOO</I> OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

The Arab Spring was all vibrant colors, fabulous youth, and self-expression. But that was sooo last season. Arab Summer is on the way, and our geopolitical design forecasters say it may feel less like Benetton and more like Ann Taylor. Sacreblech! [Read More]

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Animals across the world were laughing themselves sick today after world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking conceded in an interview that there was no God, heaven, or afterlife for humans. [Read More]

IMF FALLOUT: FRENCH POLS UPSET SOME INFIDELITY OUT OF BOUNDS

IMF FALLOUT: FRENCH POLS UPSET SOME INFIDELITY OUT OF BOUNDS

PARIS (SatireWire.com) -- Sexual assault charges against IMF Chief and leading French presidential candidate Dominique Strauss-Kahn sent shockwaves across France today, where male politicians said they were ‘saddened and disgusted’ to learn that younger women might not [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, a “huge and monumental” decision that he claimed never would have happened if he hadn’t intervened to talk himself out of running. [Read More]

BULLS GET CRUCIAL NEW TATTOOS DURING WIN

BULLS GET CRUCIAL NEW TATTOOS DURING WIN

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Chicago Bulls took game one from the Miami Heat 103-82 on Sunday thanks to hot shooting from point guard Derrick Rose and a crucial 3rd quarter timeout where the team got new tattoos. [Read More]

OIL EXECS WARN TAX HIKES WILL INCREASE COST OF SCREWING US

OIL EXECS WARN TAX HIKES WILL INCREASE COST OF SCREWING US

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Dragged before Congress, oil executives on Thursday denied that industry tax breaks are used to increase profits, saying they are instead used to screw us, which is a pre-profit fixed cost along with exploration, drilling, extraction, [Read More]

BIN LADEN’S WIVES TALKING… AND TALKING

BIN LADEN’S WIVES TALKING… AND TALKING

ISLAMABAD (SatireWire.com) – The man who took down the twin towers wouldn’t take down the toilet seat, bring freedom to a clogged sink, or just once orchestrate an attack on a pile of dishes, according to interrogations of Osama bin Laden’s wives. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After repeatedly being labeled a dictator by Republicans and conservative media, [Read More]

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who [Read More]

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

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