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CASEY ANTHONY TO LAUNCH POLITICAL CAREER

CASEY ANTHONY TO LAUNCH POLITICAL CAREER

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) – Casey Anthony is headed to Washington, according to analysts who say she has everything it takes to be a successful politician: she is skilled at deception, she lives in a fantasy world, and, most importantly, she quit her job after just two [Read More]

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS

PHILADELPHIA (SatireWire.com) – The Declaration of Independence, proclaimed 235 years ago, originally contained a dozen unalienable rights, including life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, gluten-free snack crackers, the right to stone witches recreationally. For more [Read More]

COURT REJECTS VID GAME BAN, LAUNCHES ‘CHAMBERS OF DEATH’

COURT REJECTS VID GAME BAN, LAUNCHES ‘CHAMBERS OF DEATH’

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Supreme Court Monday rejected a ban on violent video games, calling it a coincidence that the court simultaneously released Jurisprudence II: Chambers of Death, a role-playing, first-person shooter starring the nine justices. [Read More]

U.S. TO BUILD DEBT SKYSCRAPER

U.S. TO BUILD DEBT SKYSCRAPER

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprisingly lofty compromise to the debt crisis, the U.S. today announced it will replace its single-ceiling debt structure with a modern, 108-story debt tower, allowing the government to “stack debt to heaven” for generations. [Read More]

ZUCKERBERG TO GRADS: ‘GOOD LUCK COMPETING WITH ME’

ZUCKERBERG TO GRADS: ‘GOOD LUCK COMPETING WITH ME’

BERKELEY, CAL. (SatireWire.com) -- In a commencement speech few are likely to forget, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg today urged the University of California's Class of 2011 to follow their dreams, unless they compete Facebook, in which case those dreams will die. [Read More]

NOAH APOLOGIZES, SAYS ANTI-GAY REMARK WAS TOTALLY GAY

NOAH APOLOGIZES, SAYS ANTI-GAY REMARK WAS TOTALLY GAY

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- In an in-depth interview on ESPN, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah apologized again for making an anti-gay remark to a fan during a recent playoff game, saying his words were stupid and totally gay. [Read More]

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) – News network CNN again today urged amateur stormchasers not to video tornadoes but instead seek shelter immediately, a warning they reinforced by repeatedly showing footage from amateur stormchasers not seeking shelter immediately. [Read More]

CONGRESS CATCHES BIBI FEVER

CONGRESS CATCHES BIBI FEVER

CONCERT REVIEW (SatireWire.com) – As conservative Florida Congressman Allen West jostled toward his seat in the packed House, the excitement on his face was visible. So was the word “Bibi,” which he had scrawled across his forehead, in hot pink lipstick, with little [Read More]

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- The Apocalypse missed a connection in Atlanta and failed to arrive on Saturday at 6 p.m. as originally scheduled. The Apocalypse apologizes for any inconvenience and will reschedule as soon as possible. The Apocalypse’s full statement follows: [Read More]

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS SOOO OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS <I>SOOO</I> OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

The Arab Spring was all vibrant colors, fabulous youth, and self-expression. But that was sooo last season. Arab Summer is on the way, and our geopolitical design forecasters say it may feel less like Benetton and more like Ann Taylor. Sacreblech! [Read More]

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PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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