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APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- The Apocalypse missed a connection in Atlanta and failed to arrive on Saturday at 6 p.m. as originally scheduled. The Apocalypse apologizes for any inconvenience and will reschedule as soon as possible. The Apocalypse’s full statement follows: [Read More]

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS SOOO OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

‘ARAB SPRING’ IS <I>SOOO</I> OVER. THE ‘ARAB SUMMER’ FASHION FORECAST

The Arab Spring was all vibrant colors, fabulous youth, and self-expression. But that was sooo last season. Arab Summer is on the way, and our geopolitical design forecasters say it may feel less like Benetton and more like Ann Taylor. Sacreblech! [Read More]

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Animals across the world were laughing themselves sick today after world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking conceded in an interview that there was no God, heaven, or afterlife for humans. [Read More]

IMF FALLOUT: FRENCH POLS UPSET SOME INFIDELITY OUT OF BOUNDS

IMF FALLOUT: FRENCH POLS UPSET SOME INFIDELITY OUT OF BOUNDS

PARIS (SatireWire.com) -- Sexual assault charges against IMF Chief and leading French presidential candidate Dominique Strauss-Kahn sent shockwaves across France today, where male politicians said they were ‘saddened and disgusted’ to learn that younger women might not [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, a “huge and monumental” decision that he claimed never would have happened if he hadn’t intervened to talk himself out of running. [Read More]

BULLS GET CRUCIAL NEW TATTOOS DURING WIN

BULLS GET CRUCIAL NEW TATTOOS DURING WIN

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Chicago Bulls took game one from the Miami Heat 103-82 on Sunday thanks to hot shooting from point guard Derrick Rose and a crucial 3rd quarter timeout where the team got new tattoos. [Read More]

OIL EXECS WARN TAX HIKES WILL INCREASE COST OF SCREWING US

OIL EXECS WARN TAX HIKES WILL INCREASE COST OF SCREWING US

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Dragged before Congress, oil executives on Thursday denied that industry tax breaks are used to increase profits, saying they are instead used to screw us, which is a pre-profit fixed cost along with exploration, drilling, extraction, [Read More]

BIN LADEN’S WIVES TALKING… AND TALKING

BIN LADEN’S WIVES TALKING… AND TALKING

ISLAMABAD (SatireWire.com) – The man who took down the twin towers wouldn’t take down the toilet seat, bring freedom to a clogged sink, or just once orchestrate an attack on a pile of dishes, according to interrogations of Osama bin Laden’s wives. [Read More]

LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE ABOUT THE DESTINATION

LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE ABOUT THE DESTINATION

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- Interviews with more than 1,000 people moments before they died revealed that contrary to popular wisdom, life is actually about the destination, not the journey, and the destination sucks. [Read More]

PHOTOSHOPPERS DEMAND RELEASE OF BIN LADEN IMAGE

PHOTOSHOPPERS DEMAND RELEASE OF BIN LADEN IMAGE

PALO ALTO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Millions of Photoshop users today circulated a Photoshopped image of Photoshoppers protesting outside the White House to show their anger at President Obama for refusing to release a photo of Osama bin Laden’s corpse - a photo they said [Read More]

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Latest Topics

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

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