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HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Hearing that Michele Bachmann wants his support for the job she seeks, former presidential candidate Herman Cain said he has invited the Minnesota congresswoman to meet with him in his car on a secluded street on the outskirts of [Read More]

HURRICANE IRENE UNHAPPY WITH PATH THROUGH LIFE

HURRICANE IRENE UNHAPPY WITH PATH THROUGH LIFE

MIAMI, FL (SatireWire.com) -- Hurricane Irene, barreling toward the U.S. East Coast, said today it is very unhappy with its projected path and would like to chart its own course through life that would include college, a good job, and possibly a family. [Read More]

STUDY: 81% OF OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN WILL HATE US

STUDY: 81% OF OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN WILL HATE US

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- An unsettling new study by the London School of Economics projects that 81 percent of our children's children will not only suffer for our inadequacies, but will look back on this generation and hate its fucking guts. [Read More]

GOP TO RELEASE REBUTTAL BIN LADEN MOVIE

GOP TO RELEASE REBUTTAL BIN LADEN MOVIE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Angered that a movie about the death of Osama bin Laden will debut just before the 2012 election, Republicans today said they will release a rebuttal film that “accurately portrays” how the terrorist leader was killed by low taxes, [Read More]

BRITISH FREEDOM RIOTERS LIBERATE TVs, SHOES, COMPUTERS

BRITISH FREEDOM RIOTERS LIBERATE TVs, SHOES, COMPUTERS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) – The clarion of freedom that sounded across North Africa last Spring has finally reached Britain, where for the fourth straight night rioters wielded the bricks of revolution to break down the tyranny of shop windows and the despotism of display [Read More]

MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN PANIC

MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN  PANIC

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Despite the sharp downturn in the stock market, economic and financial experts today advised investors to remain calm and continue to hold on for the long-term, which they said would end abruptly next Tuesday when a market panic wipes [Read More]

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

THE HAGUE (SatireWire.com) -- As if the ravages of war, climate change, and a weak global economy weren’t bad enough, officials today announced that Earth’s warranty has expired. [Read More]

CONGRESS SAVES BABY IT THREW OUT WINDOW

CONGRESS SAVES BABY IT THREW OUT WINDOW

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a deal that left neither side entirely happy, Congress today voted to save the baby it had earlier thrown out the window. [Read More]

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

BLOOMINGTON, IN. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, 58 percent of Americans' fantasies are now Apple-related. [Read More]

GOP PLAN CUTS SOCIAL SECURITY, BUT DECLARES SENIORS ‘AMAZING’

GOP PLAN CUTS SOCIAL SECURITY, BUT DECLARES SENIORS ‘AMAZING’

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In another attempt to slash the debt without alienating voters, Republicans today unveiled a proposal that cuts Social Security 50 percent but declares everyone over age 65 “amazing." [Read More]

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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

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