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MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN PANIC

MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN  PANIC

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Despite the sharp downturn in the stock market, economic and financial experts today advised investors to remain calm and continue to hold on for the long-term, which they said would end abruptly next Tuesday when a market panic wipes [Read More]

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

THE HAGUE (SatireWire.com) -- As if the ravages of war, climate change, and a weak global economy weren’t bad enough, officials today announced that Earth’s warranty has expired. [Read More]

CONGRESS SAVES BABY IT THREW OUT WINDOW

CONGRESS SAVES BABY IT THREW OUT WINDOW

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a deal that left neither side entirely happy, Congress today voted to save the baby it had earlier thrown out the window. [Read More]

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

BLOOMINGTON, IN. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, 58 percent of Americans' fantasies are now Apple-related. [Read More]

GOP PLAN CUTS SOCIAL SECURITY, BUT DECLARES SENIORS ‘AMAZING’

GOP PLAN CUTS SOCIAL SECURITY, BUT DECLARES SENIORS ‘AMAZING’

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In another attempt to slash the debt without alienating voters, Republicans today unveiled a proposal that cuts Social Security 50 percent but declares everyone over age 65 “amazing." [Read More]

CONGRES CUTS OFF LAST ‘S’ FOR ‘SAVINGS’

CONGRES CUTS OFF LAST ‘S’ FOR ‘SAVINGS’

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a bipartisan effort to prove it is serious about deficit reduction, Congres today voted to leave off the last ‘s’ in ‘Congres’ for savings. [Read More]

CONGRESSWOMAN ACCUSED OF INAPPROPRIATELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH MALE STAFFER

<FONT SIZE=3>CONGRESSWOMAN ACCUSED OF INAPPROPRIATELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH MALE STAFFER</FONT>

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – Democratic Illinois Congresswoman Jennifer Wigan faces ethics charges after admitting to a platonic, respectful, and mutually fulfilling professional relationship with a male staffer. [Read More]

U.S. SETS SWEAT PRODUCTION RECORD

U.S. SETS SWEAT PRODUCTION RECORD

ST. LOUIS (SatireWire.com) – America’s sweltering summer of 2011 does have a bright side: U.S. sweat production is at record highs. [Read More]

RAYS PLAN PLAYER’S DEATH TO INSPIRE VICTORY

RAYS PLAN PLAYER’S DEATH TO INSPIRE VICTORY

TAMPA, FL (SatireWire.com) – Eight games behind the division leaders and losing confidence, the Tampa Bay Rays today announced one of their players will have to be killed in order to inspire the team to win the championship in his memory. [Read More]

MURDOCH TO CLOSE SCOTLAND YARD

MURDOCH TO CLOSE SCOTLAND YARD

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Britain’s phone-hacking scandal has claimed another News International subsidiary as media baron Rupert Murdoch today told Parliament he will shut down Scotland Yard. [Read More]

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PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

(SatireWire.com) After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has [Read More]

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - In the latest staff shakeup, President-elect Donald Trump today reportedly replaced key [Read More]

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

RICHMOND, VA – Donald Trump’s shock election has dramatically shifted the political landscape in the home of [Read More]

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Pushed to the limits of pain by an election that was initially entertaining but [Read More]

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

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