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UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Speaking on national television Tuesday night, a generally unpopular person told a large gathering of even less popular people that if they do not agree to help him do popular things he will do them on his own even though one reason [Read More]

XANAX NAMED OFFICIAL ANTI-ANXIETAL OF SOCHI OLYMPICS

XANAX NAMED OFFICIAL ANTI-ANXIETAL OF SOCHI OLYMPICS

SOCHI, RUSSIA (SatireWire.com) – In response to endless travel warnings about suicide bombers, separatist plots and potential catastrophe, Xanax today was named the official anti-anxiety medication of the Sochi Winter Olympics. [Read More]

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

OK, OK, I know. Why would I answer Katy Perry’s prayers and ignore the pleas of people who are hungry or homeless or dying? Why would I grant her youthful request to have bigger breasts when instead I could save a child here or a village there? But hey, in my defense, [Read More]

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claiming the 85 richest people on Earth have the same wealth as the entire bottom half of the world’s population has caused outrage among the top 85, who insist the measurement is misleading because their stuff is much nicer. [Read More]

MAN HAILED FOR NOT SHOOTING ANYONE

MAN HAILED FOR NOT SHOOTING ANYONE

COLUMBIA, MO. (SatireWire.com) -- A local man is being hailed as a hero today for not shooting anyone despite living in an area with a shopping mall, two schools, a movie theater, an IRS office and a former workplace. [Read More]

AND NOW YOUR NEW JERSEY RETALIATORY TRAFFIC REPORT

AND NOW YOUR NEW JERSEY RETALIATORY TRAFFIC REPORT

In Woodbridge we’ve got very heavy delays at the 1 and 9 merge due to lane closures caused by a local senator’s opposition to the Governor’s budget, and in Morris County we have a 5-mile backup on the Garden State Parkway approaching the Toms River tolls due to a [Read More]

COLORADO GIGGLING FOR MORE THAN A WEEK NOW

COLORADO GIGGLING FOR MORE THAN A WEEK NOW

DENVER (SatireWire.com) – More than one week after officially legalizing marijuana, Colorado insisted today it was “totally in control,” although the state conceded it has been giggling nonstop since Thursday and may have eaten half of Nebraska during a munchie run. [Read More]

AGING FACEBOOK ORDERS TEENS TO USE FACEBOOK OR ELSE

AGING FACEBOOK ORDERS TEENS TO USE FACEBOOK OR ELSE

MENLO PARK, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A new study claiming Facebook is increasingly for parents and is ‘basically dead’ to teenagers has infuriated the social media giant, which argued it is still hip and cool and demanded young members stay on Facebook or else. [Read More]

FAMILY CREDITS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT FOR FEWER “FUCK OFFS” LATELY

FAMILY CREDITS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT FOR FEWER “FUCK OFFS” LATELY

PHILADELPHIA (SatireWire.com) -- The holiday spirit has worked its wondrous ways on the Joleen family of Philadelphia, who report that since Christmas break began, they’re telling each other to fuck off much less often. [Read More]

ANGRY AT WASTING $ ON VITAMINS, AMERICANS TURN TO LOTTERY TIX

ANGRY AT WASTING $ ON VITAMINS, AMERICANS TURN TO LOTTERY TIX

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) – From antibacterial soap to vitamins, Americans across the country are outraged that they’ve been wasting their hard-earned money on something not guaranteed to work, said Americans across the country waiting in line to buy lottery tickets. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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