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CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”
In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I am not defective. I simply have a genetic disability. I was born with it, and you should respect me as a vehicle instead of resorting to intolerant, [Read More]
SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA
NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to include a “spoiler alert” on its new report revealing that climate change will result in famine, disease and widespread environmental catastrophe [Read More]
INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS
“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions officer. “It’s just GPA, test scores, clown masks and defibrillators.” [Read More]
RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.
MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir Putin announced today he will also have to annex St. Petersburg, Fla., Moscow, Idaho, Odessa, Texas, Siberia, Ind., and the Russian River Valley in [Read More]
WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS
KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian President Vladimir Putin and vowed to thwart his invasion of Crimea by taking bold and decisive action in their minds. [Read More]
CRIMEA THREAT A GOD-SEND FOR H.S. TEACHER’S CRIMEAN WAR UNIT
ST. LOUIS, MO (SatireWire.com) -- Russia’s incursion into Crimea and the threat of impending bloodshed could not come at a better time, said excited high school history teacher Luis Salgado, who is about to go over the 19th century Crimean War with his usually [Read More]
NATION’S BULLIES DELIGHTED BY LONG-TERM IMPACT OF BULLYING
BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- A heartbreaking new study that shows victims of childhood bullying can suffer long-term mental and physical health problems is, "friggin’ awesome," the nation’s bullies said today. [Read More]
U.N. REPORT CONCLUDES SOMEBODY SHOULD DO SOMETHING
NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – An exhaustive, year-long United Nations report on the deteriorating state of the world has concluded that somebody should do something. [Read More]
GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING
SPARTA, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- The frequent snowstorms that have shut down much of the Eastern U.S. this winter are not the result of climate change or coincidence, but were meant specifically to cancel the Sparta, N.J., Community Center’s weekly “Hip-Hop-Til-U-Drop" [Read More]
POLL: 90% OF NFL WOULD LET GAY PLAYER FUCK THEM IF IT MEANS WINS
NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- In a new poll that belies the perception that pro football is homophobic, more 90 percent of NFL players said they would let a gay teammate fuck them if it helped them win the Super Bowl. [Read More]
