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BOEING DECLARES ITS AIRCRAFT WILL NOT BE MADE OF MEAT
Latching onto the meatless craze, Boeing today announced all of its aircraft will be entirely constructed of non-meat products. Boeing stock soared on the news. [Read More]
ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA
White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous success” was a reference to Alternative Puerto Rico, a land where 3,000 people didn’t die and no one is still homeless and 1.1 million people got [Read More]
MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS
Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early morning show has become north Florida's number one morning TV program. [Read More]
TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL
PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them angrier. [Read More]
TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today announced it has cancelled the 2018 mid-term elections. [Read More]
TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE
President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian troops to root out the so-called “Deep State” within the U.S. government. [Read More]
GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the state’s Republican leaders said they may reconsider their recent decision to run only homophobic racist pedophiles in the 2018 midterm elections. [Read More]
For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey
In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]
TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE
FATHER: Son, did you steal $20 from your mother’s purse? SON: No. [Read More]
PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS
House Speaker Paul Ryan was rushed to a hospital today after negotiations over House and Senate tax reform bills caused him to experience an erection lasting longer than four hours. [Read More]
