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ROCK HARD ASTEROID LONGS TO EXPLODE ALL OVER EARTH
"C'mon baby, you know you want me," says Asteroid 2012 DA14 [Read More]
PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Peace Corps today announced it will expand its third-world missions by regularly sending volunteers to Sudan, Eritrea, and Carnival Cruise Lines. [Read More]
PAPAL FRONTRUNNERS EXPOSED (not like that)
VATICAN CITY (SatireWire.com) -- Here are the leading candidates to replace Pope Benedict XVI, arranged in random order, unless you don't believe in random, in which case the first guy is the next pope. Obviously. [Read More]
STEVEN CHU SULKING OVER U.S. GOVT NOT GETTING WIPED OUT
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Sulking Energy Secretary Steven Chu, the cabinet member designated to sit out the State of the Union address in the event the entire U.S. leadership was killed, has been unable to hide his disappointment ever since the President returned [Read More]
BOEING INTRODUCES THE NEW 797 DREAMDRONE
CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- Targeting the growing drone market, Boeing today unveiled the 797 Dreamdrone, describing it as the largest, most comfortable and passenger-friendly unmanned aircraft ever made and not at all one of their defective 787 Dreamliners with the windows [Read More]
USPS WORKERS LOSE OPTION TO GO POSTAL ON SATURDAYS
OLYMPIA, WA (SatireWire.com) -- The United States Postal Service’s decision to cease Saturday mail delivery was disappointing news to veteran letter carriers across the country who say they will now never get the opportunity to go postal on a weekend. [Read More]
“RICHARD III” UPDATED TO ACCOUNT FOR CAR PARK, TRAFFIC ISSUES
LEICESTER, ENGLAND (SatireWire.com) – After learning that the remains of Richard III were found under a car park in Leicester, and not on Bosworth Field, Shakespeare scholars have moved quickly to update the classic tragedy to account for parking and traffic issues. Read [Read More]
ADM PRODUCES PIG MADE ENTIRELY OF CHICKEN
DECATUR, IL. (SatireWire.com) -- Agribusiness giant Archer Daniels Midland today announced it has successfully produced a pig made entirely of chicken. [Read More]
NRA RESEARCH FINDS GUN CRIME RAMPANT BEFORE GUNS INVENTED
FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) -- Expanding on their theory that more guns lead to less gun crime, and therefore fewer guns lead to more gun crime, NRA-backed researchers today said they have worked out that before guns were invented, everyone on the planet was killed by a [Read More]
TALIBAN ALSO WILL ARM WOMEN TO FIGHT OPPRESSORS… OH, WAIT
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Responding to America’s decision to allow women in combat, Taliban leaders today vowed to give guns to their women too so they could fight off their oppressors, until they realized that would be them. [Read More]
