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CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!
TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up with Japanese leaders, according to close friends who say the oil industry heartthrob is there for super-secret meetings. Quel mystérieux! [Read More]
CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health related entity - Cancer - came out in favor of their proposed Obamacare replacement plan. [Read More]
U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it could get up to some pretty abusive shit if that’s what it takes to get a little attention around here. [Read More]
SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE
CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A contrite Apple Inc. today admitted it was to blame for the suggestion by Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) that poor Americans have to choose between buying health care and an iPhone, theorizing that the Congressman only made that comparison [Read More]
NEWLY DISCOVERED PLANETS SEEM TO BE UNHAPPY WE FOUND THEM
LIEGE, BELGIUM (SatireWire.com) -- In an astounding development, scientists say the seven newly discovered exoplanets in a nearby constellation seem to be aware they have been found, and are not very happy about it. [Read More]
TRUMP VOWS NOT TO DEPORT ILLEGALS WHO RATE 8+
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what it called a "show of great compassion," the Trump administration today announced it will allow all female illegal immigrants to stay in the country, "if they rate an 8 or higher." [Read More]
GOP APPROVES ABORTION IN DEMOCRATIC DISTRICTS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In what they called a historic compromise, Republicans in Congress today said they will no longer oppose abortion in cases where the mother lives in a Democratic district. [Read More]
CONGRESSIONAL COAT-CHECK NOW ALSO ACCEPTING BALLS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The congressional cloakroom, where representatives and senators traditionally check their hats and coats, will also now accept congressmen’s balls. [Read More]
FENCE JUMPER ARRESTED TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The U.S. Secret Service today apprehended a man they said was attempting to scale the White House fence in order to break out. [Read More]
