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Sci/Tech Briefs

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – As part of the staff cuts it announced yesterday, online auction site eBay said it will not release its employees outright, but will auction them off individually. To increase interest in the employees, who will come from the [Read More]

Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

Okinawa, Japan (SatireWire.com) – The world’s poorest nations reacted with elation yesterday after learning the G-8 economic powers have pledged to bring them into the digital economy by wiring their countries. “With access to stock quotes, entertainment [Read More]

House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The anti-spam bill passed by the U.S. House of Representatives Tuesday was sent to the Senate today, but the Senate’s spam filtering software automatically determined it was junk mail and deleted it. Amy Lee, Chief System [Read More]

WINDOWS NOT A VIRUS

WINDOWS NOT A VIRUS

Cupertino, Cal. (SatireWire.com) - Symantec issued an apology to Microsoft yesterday after the security software maker’s AntiVirus Research Center issued an alert for a “widespread and lethal virus known to cause system crashes and data loss” that turned [Read More]

New Web Site Launched for Those Without Internet Access

New Web Site Launched for Those Without Internet Access

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Reacting to an alarming new report that warns of a widening “digital divide” between those who have Internet access and those who don’t, the United Nations last week launched HaveNot.org, a community and commerce [Read More]

LOVE BUG “WORM”; HACKERS “TWITS”

LOVE BUG “WORM”; HACKERS “TWITS”

Palo Alto, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The International Society of Computer Hackers blasted the media yesterday for continually using the word ‘virus’ when referring to the “Love Bug” email that recently infected computers. The program was more [Read More]

Priceline Launches “Name Price for Bail”

Priceline Launches “Name Price for Bail”

Stamford, Conn. (Satirewire.com) – Priceline.com, which allows consumers to name their own price for airline tickets and mortgages, will launch a name-your-own-price for bail service, the company disclosed today. The service will initially be restricted to high-crime [Read More]

“AOL of Latin America” Adopts Busy Signal

“AOL of Latin America” Adopts Busy Signal

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Building on its self-professed desire to become the “AOL of Latin America,” StarMedia CEO Fernando Espuelas said today the company will now enter a two-year period during which dial-up subscribers will be unable to connect [Read More]

MP3 TO STEAL, SELL YOUR STUFF

MP3 TO STEAL, SELL YOUR STUFF

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) - Stunned that a court ruled its unauthorized distribution of music through an online database broke copyright laws, MP3.Com announced this morning it still believes in its business model, but will abandon music and instead sell [Read More]

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term “unique visitors” in reference to site traffic, [Read More]

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CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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