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Sci/Tech Briefs

Intel Has Smaller Chips; AMD Has Smaller Employees

Intel Has Smaller Chips; AMD Has Smaller Employees

Sunnyvale, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – In response to Intel’s statement that it will produce transistors only three atoms wide by 2005, rival chipmaker Advanced Micro Devices announced today that most of its employees are no more than 14 inches tall. AMD, however, [Read More]

Dotcomguy Drops ‘Dotcom’ From Name

Dotcomguy Drops ‘Dotcom’ From Name

DALLAS, TEXAS (SatireWire.com) – In the strongest signal yet that “Internet-only” has become a verbal albatross, DotComGuy – the Texas man who lives entirely off the Internet and hasn’t left his house for nearly a year – has dropped the [Read More]

14 Remaining Netscape Users Rejoice Over Release of Netscape 6

14 Remaining Netscape Users Rejoice Over Release of Netscape 6

Mountain View, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The world’s 14 remaining users of the Netscape browser exulted this week over the release of Netscape 6, the first new version of the browser in two years, and a product Netscape executives predicted would blow away [Read More]

“Sponsorship Rectangles” Replace Banner Ads

“Sponsorship Rectangles” Replace Banner Ads

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprise concession, the Internet Advertising Bureau today acknowledged the banner ad is dead, but expressed confidence that its latest innovation, “Sponsorship Rectangles,” will spread quickly and reignite online [Read More]

Microsoft Hacker Still A Mystery; Sun Releases Sun Office, Sun 2000

Microsoft Hacker Still A Mystery; Sun Releases Sun Office, Sun 2000

Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft executives continued to insist today that whoever hacked into their computer system did not gain access to the source codes of its major products. However, Redmond officials conceded they may never learn the identity of the [Read More]

Janet Reno Awarded VirginMary.com Domain

Janet Reno Awarded VirginMary.com Domain

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Just days after pop diva Madonna won a battle to wrest control of Madonna.com by arguing she was the world’s best known Madonna, Attorney General Janet Reno employed a similar argument to win the rights to VirginMary.com. [Read More]

Media: Typos in Microsoft Earnings Release!

Media: Typos in Microsoft Earnings Release!

Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Initially saddened and confused by this week’s strong earnings report from Microsoft, which gave it little to criticize, the media rebounded strongly today, noting the release had “numerous” typos and grammatical [Read More]

Bush Vows To Cut Internet Taxes

Bush Vows To Cut Internet Taxes

Fraser, Mich. (SatireWire.com) – Speaking to a group of young voters at a Michigan campaign stop, Republican George W. Bush boldly pledged to cut Internet taxes in half, and waved off suggestions by some in the crowd that there are, at present, no taxes levied on the [Read More]

SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to appear in sync with the Internet economy, online humor site SatireWire today announced it will lay off 50 percent of its staff, or approximately one person, by year’s end. According to SatireWire editor Treat [Read More]

Dot-Coms Sick of All the Survivor Analogies

Dot-Coms Sick of All the Survivor Analogies

San Francisco, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Executives at nearly a dozen flailing Internet companies said today they were “sick and tired” of all the analogies to the CBS show Survivor, and just hope it all comes to an end now that the show is over. “It [Read More]

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CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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