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DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Doomsday Clock, which gauges threats to humanity and is now set at just 5 minutes to midnight, will “spring forward” one hour in March to account for Daylight Savings Time, a decision scientists say will bring it in line with other [Read More]

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

THE HAGUE (SatireWire.com) -- As if the ravages of war, climate change, and a weak global economy weren’t bad enough, officials today announced that Earth’s warranty has expired. [Read More]

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

BLOOMINGTON, IN. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, 58 percent of Americans' fantasies are now Apple-related. [Read More]

U.S. SETS SWEAT PRODUCTION RECORD

U.S. SETS SWEAT PRODUCTION RECORD

ST. LOUIS (SatireWire.com) – America’s sweltering summer of 2011 does have a bright side: U.S. sweat production is at record highs. [Read More]

U.S. THROWS ANOTHER HUNK OF METAL INTO SKY

U.S. THROWS ANOTHER HUNK OF METAL INTO SKY

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL (SatireWire.com) – The United States has thrown a giant hunk of metal at the sky again, according to mystified witnesses who watched it disappear in a cloud of fire and smoke above Florida. [Read More]

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) – News network CNN again today urged amateur stormchasers not to video tornadoes but instead seek shelter immediately, a warning they reinforced by repeatedly showing footage from amateur stormchasers not seeking shelter immediately. [Read More]

LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE ABOUT THE DESTINATION

LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE ABOUT THE DESTINATION

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- Interviews with more than 1,000 people moments before they died revealed that contrary to popular wisdom, life is actually about the destination, not the journey, and the destination sucks. [Read More]

“CREEPED OUT” PLAYSTATION HACKERS RETURN IDENTITIES

“CREEPED OUT” PLAYSTATION HACKERS RETURN IDENTITIES

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- Just two weeks after breaching the Sony Playstation Network database, hackers today returned the nearly 80 million stolen identities, saying many of them were so “sad,” “disturbing,” or “frighteningly abnormal” that they should [Read More]

IPHONE SECRETLY TRACKING HOW DULL YOUR LIFE IS

IPHONE SECRETLY TRACKING HOW DULL YOUR LIFE IS

CUPTERINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) -- Apple iPhones secretly track and record their owners’ location, a potentially devastating privacy breach that experts warn could force people to face the fact that they never really go anywhere interesting. [Read More]

RANKED 25th IN WORLD IN MATH, U.S. STUDENTS GLAD TO “BE IN TOP 10″

RANKED 25th IN WORLD IN MATH, U.S. STUDENTS GLAD TO “BE IN TOP 10″

VIENNA, AUSTRIA (SatireWire.com) – A key academic assessment released today ranked America’s high schoolers 25th in the world in math, a showing that pleased U.S. students who figure that at least keeps them in the top 1O. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn, who died [Read More]

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

(SatireWire.com) After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has [Read More]

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