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Sci/Tech

MEN LINING UP FOR LIFE-EXTENDING CASTRATIONS

MEN LINING UP FOR LIFE-EXTENDING CASTRATIONS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Only a day after a new study revealed that castrated men live significantly longer lives, surgical centers around the country were swamped with men demanding to have their testicles removed. [Read More]

HIGH SCIENTISTS INSIST EARTH IS DEPICTED UPSIDE DOWN MAYBE

HIGH SCIENTISTS INSIST EARTH IS DEPICTED UPSIDE DOWN MAYBE

AMSTERDAM (SatireWire.com) -- A team of extremely high astrophysicists revealed today that mankind has for millenia incorrectly depicted Earth upside down, a stunning development that means everyone traveling right now is going in the wrong direction. [Read More]

iPAD 3 PURCHASE CAN INCREASE CHILD’S LOVE OF PARENTS

iPAD 3 PURCHASE CAN INCREASE CHILD’S LOVE OF PARENTS

CUPUTERINO, CA (SatireWire.com) — Children of divorce report a nearly 50 percent increase in their love for whichever parent is willing to buy them the new Apple iPad 3, according to a survey of American youth. [Read More]

HOPEFUL SPERM CELL WANTS TO TRY IT WITH EGG FROM BEHIND

HOPEFUL SPERM CELL WANTS TO TRY IT WITH EGG FROM BEHIND

BALTIMORE, MD. (SatireWire.com) — A sperm cell’s hopeful attempts today to convince an egg they should “try it from behind” have so far been rejected by the egg, who called the suggestion pointless, unnatural, and probably not even hygienic. [Read More]

GOOGLE TO BECOME ‘GOOGLE-BFF’ – ‘SO TELL US EVERYTHING’

GOOGLE TO BECOME ‘GOOGLE-BFF’ – ‘SO TELL US EVERYTHING’

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to stamp out any objections to the vast amount of personal information it gathers, Google today said it has changed its name to Google BFF, thereby making it “perfectly normal” for the company to know everything about [Read More]

27M STUDENT ESSAYS ARE GONNA BE LATE

27M STUDENT ESSAYS ARE GONNA BE LATE

SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – Internet site Wikipedia shut down for 24 hours Wednesday in a move that may cause Congress to reconsider proposed anti-piracy legislation and will cause at least 27 million student essays to be turned in a day late. Maybe two. [Read More]

IN NEW SPACE RACE, U.S. VOWS TO MATCH RUSSIAN FAILURES

IN NEW SPACE RACE, U.S. VOWS TO MATCH RUSSIAN FAILURES

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – NASA will begin sabotaging its own rockets in an effort to keep up with longtime space foe Russia, which has taken a huge lead by losing no less than eight spacecraft in the past year, including the Phobos-Grunt probe that crashed to Earth [Read More]

DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Doomsday Clock, which gauges threats to humanity and is now set at just 5 minutes to midnight, will “spring forward” one hour in March to account for Daylight Savings Time, a decision scientists say will bring it in line with other [Read More]

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

EARTH’S WARRANTY EXPIRES

THE HAGUE (SatireWire.com) -- As if the ravages of war, climate change, and a weak global economy weren’t bad enough, officials today announced that Earth’s warranty has expired. [Read More]

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS’ FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

BLOOMINGTON, IN. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, 58 percent of Americans' fantasies are now Apple-related. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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