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U.S. BRAIN MAPPING PROJECT TO BE BASED ON APPLE MAPS

U.S. BRAIN MAPPING PROJECT TO BE BASED ON APPLE MAPS

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Apple today announced its mapping software will be used in the government’s new $100 billion brain mapping project, a decision that has already produced breakthroughs as the software shows the brain is located not inside the human skull [Read More]

ROCK HARD ASTEROID LONGS TO EXPLODE ALL OVER EARTH

ROCK HARD ASTEROID LONGS TO EXPLODE ALL OVER EARTH

"C'mon baby, you know you want me," says Asteroid 2012 DA14 [Read More]

ADM PRODUCES PIG MADE ENTIRELY OF CHICKEN

ADM PRODUCES PIG MADE ENTIRELY OF CHICKEN

DECATUR, IL. (SatireWire.com) -- Agribusiness giant Archer Daniels Midland today announced it has successfully produced a pig made entirely of chicken. [Read More]

SKYDIVER BREAKS RECORD FOR FREE-FALL SWEARING

SKYDIVER BREAKS RECORD FOR FREE-FALL SWEARING

ROSWELL, N.M. (SatireWire.com) -- In a giant leap from the edge of space Sunday, Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner shattered records for supersonic speed, high altitude jumping, and free-fall swearing in a nerve-wracking, 24-mile plunge to Earth. [Read More]

MEN LINING UP FOR LIFE-EXTENDING CASTRATIONS

MEN LINING UP FOR LIFE-EXTENDING CASTRATIONS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Only a day after a new study revealed that castrated men live significantly longer lives, surgical centers around the country were swamped with men demanding to have their testicles removed. [Read More]

HIGH SCIENTISTS INSIST EARTH IS DEPICTED UPSIDE DOWN MAYBE

HIGH SCIENTISTS INSIST EARTH IS DEPICTED UPSIDE DOWN MAYBE

AMSTERDAM (SatireWire.com) -- A team of extremely high astrophysicists revealed today that mankind has for millenia incorrectly depicted Earth upside down, a stunning development that means everyone traveling right now is going in the wrong direction. [Read More]

iPAD 3 PURCHASE CAN INCREASE CHILD’S LOVE OF PARENTS

iPAD 3 PURCHASE CAN INCREASE CHILD’S LOVE OF PARENTS

CUPUTERINO, CA (SatireWire.com) — Children of divorce report a nearly 50 percent increase in their love for whichever parent is willing to buy them the new Apple iPad 3, according to a survey of American youth. [Read More]

HOPEFUL SPERM CELL WANTS TO TRY IT WITH EGG FROM BEHIND

HOPEFUL SPERM CELL WANTS TO TRY IT WITH EGG FROM BEHIND

BALTIMORE, MD. (SatireWire.com) — A sperm cell’s hopeful attempts today to convince an egg they should “try it from behind” have so far been rejected by the egg, who called the suggestion pointless, unnatural, and probably not even hygienic. [Read More]

GOOGLE TO BECOME ‘GOOGLE-BFF’ – ‘SO TELL US EVERYTHING’

GOOGLE TO BECOME ‘GOOGLE-BFF’ – ‘SO TELL US EVERYTHING’

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to stamp out any objections to the vast amount of personal information it gathers, Google today said it has changed its name to Google BFF, thereby making it “perfectly normal” for the company to know everything about [Read More]

27M STUDENT ESSAYS ARE GONNA BE LATE

27M STUDENT ESSAYS ARE GONNA BE LATE

SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – Internet site Wikipedia shut down for 24 hours Wednesday in a move that may cause Congress to reconsider proposed anti-piracy legislation and will cause at least 27 million student essays to be turned in a day late. Maybe two. [Read More]

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CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health [Read More]

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it [Read More]

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A contrite Apple Inc. today admitted it was to blame for the suggestion by Rep. Jason [Read More]

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