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IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did not hate Microsoft, announced today that she was “tired of [Read More]

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

Web Sites Find Revenue by Renaming Their Offerings CUPERTINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – With banner ad revenue in retreat, every major Internet company today announced it would offer only “premium services” – programs that may look similar to their [Read More]

The Click Sense (ACT III)

The Click Sense (ACT III)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Act III, Scene I Read ACT ONE. Read ACT TWO. Interior of Cole’s apartment at night. He is in the hall. He can see his breath. It’s obviously cold. He is rigid with fear. He rushes to the tent in his room and hides there. But [Read More]

THE CLICK SENSE (ACT II)

THE CLICK SENSE (ACT II)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Read ACT ONE. Read ACT THREE. Act II, Scene I Malcolm is in another chat session with Cole08. COLE08: I want to tell you my secret. DRMALCOLM: OK. COLE08: I see dead dot-coms. DRMALCOLM: Where? On the news? COLE08: No, all the time. Walking [Read More]

THE CLICK SENSE (Act I)

THE CLICK SENSE (Act I)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Act I, Scene I Read ACT TWO. Read ACT THREE. Interior of a home in suburban San Jose. Dr. Malcolm Willis, a psychologist who runs the online therapy site ShrinksOnCall.com, has just returned from the Webby awards with his wife, Anna. She is [Read More]

THE CULTURAL WEB: CLICK HERE FOR BUSTY… BRAHMS

THE CULTURAL WEB: CLICK HERE FOR BUSTY… BRAHMS

SatireWire Takes a Tour of Our Culturally-Enriching Internet ON THE INTERNET (SatireWire.com) – Web pages containing the phrase “I love money” outnumber those containing the phrase “I love Monet” by 140-to-1. For every page where someone has [Read More]

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid growth and sudden upheaval? Why do small people [Read More]

Report That Pessimists Die Sooner – No Big Surprise to Pessimists

New York (SatireWire.com) – A study issued Tuesday claiming that pessimists have more long-term health problems than positive people just proves pessimists were right, say pessimists. [Read More]

LIFE ON THE MESSAGE BOREDS

LIFE ON THE MESSAGE BOREDS

Kinda Hard to Focus Nowadays; Things Just Aren’t the Same… New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The thrill is gone, and nowhere is it more evident than the Internet’s once-boisterous stock message boards, where the exuberance that led to heated daily [Read More]

EMPLOYEE-SLAPPING WIDESPREAD, EFFECTIVE

EMPLOYEE-SLAPPING WIDESPREAD, EFFECTIVE

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) - Frustrated by a tight labor market that has forced them to make unprecedented concessions to employees, several dozen American companies have instituted "employee-slapping" policies, allowing managers to slap workers "pretty much whenever [Read More]

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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn, who died [Read More]

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