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CLINTON TAPS STRATEGIC PROGRAMMER RESERVES

CLINTON TAPS STRATEGIC PROGRAMMER RESERVES

Tech Industry Applauds; GOP Claims Politics Behind Release WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Hoping to stem rising technology prices caused by a shortage of high-tech workers this winter, President Clinton today approved the release of 2 million programmers from the [Read More]

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did not hate Microsoft, announced today that she was “tired of [Read More]

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

Web Sites Find Revenue by Renaming Their Offerings CUPERTINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – With banner ad revenue in retreat, every major Internet company today announced it would offer only “premium services” – programs that may look similar to their [Read More]

The Click Sense (ACT III)

The Click Sense (ACT III)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Act III, Scene I Read ACT ONE. Read ACT TWO. Interior of Cole’s apartment at night. He is in the hall. He can see his breath. It’s obviously cold. He is rigid with fear. He rushes to the tent in his room and hides there. But [Read More]

THE CLICK SENSE (ACT II)

THE CLICK SENSE (ACT II)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Read ACT ONE. Read ACT THREE. Act II, Scene I Malcolm is in another chat session with Cole08. COLE08: I want to tell you my secret. DRMALCOLM: OK. COLE08: I see dead dot-coms. DRMALCOLM: Where? On the news? COLE08: No, all the time. Walking [Read More]

THE CLICK SENSE (Act I)

THE CLICK SENSE (Act I)

“I See Dead Dot-Coms” Act I, Scene I Read ACT TWO. Read ACT THREE. Interior of a home in suburban San Jose. Dr. Malcolm Willis, a psychologist who runs the online therapy site ShrinksOnCall.com, has just returned from the Webby awards with his wife, Anna. She is [Read More]

THE CULTURAL WEB: CLICK HERE FOR BUSTY… BRAHMS

THE CULTURAL WEB: CLICK HERE FOR BUSTY… BRAHMS

SatireWire Takes a Tour of Our Culturally-Enriching Internet ON THE INTERNET (SatireWire.com) – Web pages containing the phrase “I love money” outnumber those containing the phrase “I love Monet” by 140-to-1. For every page where someone has [Read More]

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid growth and sudden upheaval? Why do small people [Read More]

Report That Pessimists Die Sooner – No Big Surprise to Pessimists

New York (SatireWire.com) – A study issued Tuesday claiming that pessimists have more long-term health problems than positive people just proves pessimists were right, say pessimists. [Read More]

LIFE ON THE MESSAGE BOREDS

LIFE ON THE MESSAGE BOREDS

Kinda Hard to Focus Nowadays; Things Just Aren’t the Same… New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The thrill is gone, and nowhere is it more evident than the Internet’s once-boisterous stock message boards, where the exuberance that led to heated daily [Read More]

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Latest Topics

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the [Read More]

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

FATHER: Son, did you steal $20 from your mother’s purse? SON: No. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

House Speaker Paul Ryan was rushed to a hospital today after negotiations over House and Senate tax reform bills caused [Read More]

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

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