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Sci/Tech

WINDOWS HAS FRENCH DNA

May Explain Software’s Surly Behavior, Say Analysts REDMOND, WASH. (SatireWire.com) - Microsoft revealed today it has been regularly embedding DNA strings from a French citizen into the code of its Windows operating system. The company claims to know only the [Read More]

DOT-COMS “JUST KIDDING” ABOUT BEING DOT-COMS, SAY DOT-COMS

DOT-COMS “JUST KIDDING” ABOUT BEING DOT-COMS, SAY DOT-COMS

Profitless Internet Firms Insist They’re Unfairly Labeled as Profitless Internet Firms SAN JOSE, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing they are being unfairly labeled as money-losing dot-coms, nearly 400 money-losing dot-coms announced this week they were “just [Read More]

MAJOR SITES HAWKING MINOR’S PRIVATES (page 2)

MAJOR SITES HAWKING MINOR’S PRIVATES (page 2)

“I don’t know about you, but my privates are worth a lot to me,” said Hanson. “I would never sell them at cost. That’s demeaning.” Nearly as demeaning, said Hanson, were results at DirectHit, which invited him to “Join a club about [Read More]

MAJOR SITES HAWKING MINOR’S PRIVATES?

MAJOR SITES HAWKING MINOR’S PRIVATES?

Amazon, eBay, Raging Bull Advertising Boy’s ‘Male Equipment’ TERRELL, TEXAS (SatireWire.com) – What began as an insecure boy’s search for self-esteem ended in shock and embarrassment for a 15-year-old Texas youth who discovered last week that [Read More]

AUCTION SITE SELLERS CHOOSE HINT OVER HYPE

AUCTION SITE SELLERS CHOOSE HINT OVER HYPE

“A ‘ wild abstract painting ‘ bought at a garage sale and auctioned off over the Internet with a starting bid of 25 cents sold for $135,805 in a bidding frenzy by buyers hoping it was an undiscovered work by the late Richard Diebenkorn.” - MSNBC, May [Read More]

INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

Companies Confused Over Having to Take Something Other Than Stock Santa Clara, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The Internet stock drop has done more than just lop off paper profits. Start-ups, which once regularly paid for goods and services in stock, have been forced to [Read More]

EC THINK TANK: LEGALISE INTERNET

EC THINK TANK: LEGALISE INTERNET

Plan Would Keep Europe ‘Right in There’ with Afghanis BRUSSELS (SatireWire.com) – Despite strong opposition from the French government, a joint European Community think tank has concluded the “Internet” – a US-based collection of [Read More]

CLINTON TAPS STRATEGIC PROGRAMMER RESERVES

CLINTON TAPS STRATEGIC PROGRAMMER RESERVES

Tech Industry Applauds; GOP Claims Politics Behind Release WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Hoping to stem rising technology prices caused by a shortage of high-tech workers this winter, President Clinton today approved the release of 2 million programmers from the [Read More]

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did not hate Microsoft, announced today that she was “tired of [Read More]

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

INTERNET CONVERTS TO “PREMIUM SERVICES” ONLY

Web Sites Find Revenue by Renaming Their Offerings CUPERTINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – With banner ad revenue in retreat, every major Internet company today announced it would offer only “premium services” – programs that may look similar to their [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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