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SPLITTERS

SPLITTERS

Folsom, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – In a joint statement released this morning, the International Webmasters Association, the World Organization of Webmasters, and the National Association of Webmasters said they are distinct, fully-functional organizations and were not [Read More]

SCIENTIST SPLITS ATOM, FINDS TOY PRIZE INSIDE

SCIENTIST SPLITS ATOM, FINDS TOY PRIZE INSIDE

Princeton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- A Princeton physicist recently split an atom of hydrogen and found a toy prize inside, the journal Science reported in its May issue. [Read More]

HUMANS INSIST THEY ARE NOT DUMBER THAN RICE

HUMANS INSIST THEY ARE NOT DUMBER THAN RICE

San Diego, Calif. (SatireWire.com) -- Word that genetic researchers have discovered a cell of rice contains more genes than a human cell has caused widespread outrage as people across the globe attempt to prove that humans are easily as smart as a grain of rice. So far, [Read More]

PENTAGON INSISTS REAL RATS NOT BEING USED

PENTAGON INSISTS REAL RATS NOT BEING USED

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Under withering fire from animal rights activists, who blasted the Pentagon's plan to fit live rats with electrodes so they could be steered toward hidden bombs or disaster victims, the U.S. Defense Department today promised that actual [Read More]

ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a compromise that calls for the left and right to work together, energy company executives today proposed burning both fossil fuels and environmental activists, who officials estimated may be able to provide 2 percent of the [Read More]

SCIENTISTS WARN OF GLOBAL COINCIDENCE

SCIENTISTS WARN OF GLOBAL COINCIDENCE

Rising Temps, Oceans, and Greenhouse Gas Proof of Weird, Unrelated Happenings Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Sea levels swelled, but still they doubted. Temperatures soared, but still they questioned. Glaciers disappeared, yet even so, they refused to believe. [Read More]

SCIENTISTS TO STUDY GIANT ASTEROIDS BY STEERING THEM INTO EARTH

SCIENTISTS TO STUDY GIANT ASTEROIDS BY STEERING THEM INTO EARTH

London (SatireWire.com) -- Disappointed after failing to take advantage of Earth's relatively near miss with a large asteroid on Monday, scientists today excitedly unveiled what they called an "asteroid chute" that they said will direct the next massive space object [Read More]

“YOU MUST SATISFY YOUR QUEEN”

“YOU MUST SATISFY YOUR QUEEN”

Zoo Atlanta (SatireWire.com) -- Nations are at war. Economies are weak. Male strippers have officially entertained the Queen Mother. Humanity now faces, as Washington Irving once said so prophetically after falling down drunk into a cistern, a "dark hour of adversity." [Read More]

HUMAN EMBRYO CLONED: CAN “CHAIN” STORES, “SUBDIVISIONS,” BE FAR BEHIND?

HUMAN EMBRYO CLONED:  CAN “CHAIN” STORES, “SUBDIVISIONS,” BE FAR BEHIND?

Sheep-Like Inhabitants Would Prefer Similar Styles in Music, TV, Cars Berkeley, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – News that a U.S. company has cloned a human embryo has sent shock waves through the bioethical community, which warns that a world populated by clones would be [Read More]

OZONE HOLE NO LONGER GROWING; WE’LL NOW HAVE MORE TIME TO BLOW SELVES UP

OZONE HOLE NO LONGER GROWING; WE’LL NOW HAVE MORE TIME TO BLOW SELVES UP

Polluters, Nuclear Proponents, Also Express New Spirit of Optimism Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Visibly relieved NASA scientists this week announced the hole in the ozone layer is no longer expanding, an unexpectedly positive development they said should give [Read More]

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Latest Topics

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous [Read More]

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early [Read More]

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

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