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COLA WARS

COLA WARS

Atlanta (Satirewire.com) - Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) - In an attempt to keep pace with main soft [Read More]

‘GRAY LADY’ NO LADY

‘GRAY LADY’ NO LADY

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) - Boasting “The Gray Lady is a lady no more,” Howard Stern’s Private Parts Media Corp. announced today it will buy The New York Times and rename it the New York Hot Bitch. The $980 million purchase of the venerable Times [Read More]

FONDA PICKED UP

FONDA PICKED UP

Santa Clara, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – In its much-anticipated response to AOL’s buyout of both Time Warner and Ted Turner’s TBS, Yahoo announced this morning it will acquire actress Jane Fonda. AOL labeled the acquisition “sloppy seconds.” [Read More]

GERBIL CRUELTY DENIED

GERBIL CRUELTY DENIED

Kent, Conn. (Satirewire.com) – Online retailer Outpost.com, which last year ran controversial TV commercials showing gerbils being fired from a cannon, claimed today it never used actual gerbils. Instead, Outpost executives said, the company dressed week-old kittens [Read More]

OUR BOEING WHO ART IN HEAVEN

OUR BOEING WHO ART IN HEAVEN

Chicago (Satirewire.com) – United Airlines said it will fight a 9th District Appeals Court ruling yesterday that grants pilots and flight attendants the right to lead passengers in prayer during turbulence. Copyright © 2000-2009, SatireWire. [Read More]

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PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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