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AOL PROFITS FROM GUMBOLESS SPACE

AOL PROFITS FROM GUMBOLESS SPACE

Dulles, Va. (SatireWire.com) – In his new autobiography, AOL Chairman Steve Case reveals that he never would have become interested in the Internet if space were filled with gumbo. “When I was young, I thought, ‘Whoa, space, gumbo, that’s for [Read More]

KELLOGG’S NAILED FOR BUNDLING

KELLOGG’S NAILED FOR BUNDLING

Battle Creek, Mich. (SatireWire.com) – Emboldened by its success against Microsoft, the U.S. Justice Department yesterday accused cereal giant Kellogg’s of “anti-competitive, anti-consumer” practices related to the bundling of small boxes of [Read More]

VENEZUELA V. IMF

VENEZUELA V. IMF

VENEZUELA V. IMF, ROUND I Caracas (Satirewire.com) – In the face of increasing pressure from the International Monetary Fund to get its finances in order, the Venezuelan Finance Ministry announced today it has sacrificed a small mule. No further details were released [Read More]

THE GREENSPAN EFFECT

THE GREENSPAN EFFECT

DEC 11 St. Louis (Satirewire.com) – Anheuser-Busch, the nation’s largest alcoholic beverage producer, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly switched his drink order from a Michelob Lite to a dry [Read More]

DRUNK REPORTERS RENAME NASDAQ

DRUNK REPORTERS RENAME NASDAQ

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The National Association of Wall Street Journal and Lesser Business Reporters, frustrated that the erratic stock market precludes them from easily identifying it as bull or bear, got horribly drunk last night and unilaterally renamed [Read More]

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Continental Airlines, concerned over studies linking car phone use to traffic accidents, today moved to preempt similar incidents in the sky by banning the use of all communications devices in cockpits. According to Continental, an [Read More]

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term “unique visitors” in reference to site traffic, [Read More]

SHARP SHEEP

SHARP SHEEP

Leeds, England (SatireWire.com) - The British Beef Export Council, finally conceding it cannot guarantee the eradication of Mad Cow Disease, announced today it will discontinue cow production and instead promote the export of genetically-engineered sheep with razor-sharp, [Read More]

PATENTS, SO WHAT

PATENTS, SO WHAT

Whitehouse Station, N.J. (Satirewire.com) - Merck Pharmaceuticals, under heavy pressure to explain how it will deal with the loss of billions of dollars in revenue over the next few years, when four of its lucrative product patents expire, today announced they were [Read More]

FIORINA HAS SKILLS

FIORINA HAS SKILLS

Palo Alto, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – Speaking before a group of investment bankers, Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina yesterday announced that unlike the chief executives at competitors Compaq, Dell, Gateway, and Sun Microsystems, she was the only one capable of doing a [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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