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Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

Eckbridge, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – Thousands of fiscally-orthodox bankers and economists gathered under a tree in this small southwestern Pennsylvania farm yesterday after three local girls claimed they saw a vision of Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan in [Read More]

Net Company to Hold Second IPO

Net Company to Hold Second IPO

San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – PeoplePC, whose initial public offering bombed last month, said today its first IPO shouldn’t count, and urged investors to return their shares so the company can try again. “Let’s do best two out of three,” [Read More]

Dot-Coms Just Dying to Get Prized OTC Listings

Dot-Coms Just Dying to Get Prized OTC Listings

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In an emerging trend analysts are comparing to the IPO mania of 1998-1999, publicly-traded Internet companies are leaving the Nasdaq in a mad rush to have their struggling shares listed instead on the obscure Over-the-Counter stock [Read More]

Telecom Merger Will Create First “Single Phone Company”

Telecom Merger Will Create First “Single Phone Company”

San Antonio, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In a landmark decision expected to create an unprecedented “single, nationwide phone company,” a federal judge yesterday approved the merger of BellSouth, SBC, Sprint, Verizon, MCI, Qwest and 40 other communications [Read More]

Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

Austin, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In an apparent effort to win support from the Internet industry, Democratic vice presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman sat shiva yesterday with executives of online furniture retailer living.com, which filed for bankruptcy this week. [Read More]

Lucent Finds New COO On Stock Message Boards

Lucent Finds New COO On Stock Message Boards

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Lucent Technologies today announced it has ended its search for a new chief operating officer with the surprise hiring of Stockpicker_Dude_78, a frequent poster on various Lucent stock message boards. “We interviewed about 20 [Read More]

Firestone Peels Back Prices In Tire Sale Blowout!

Firestone Peels Back Prices In Tire Sale Blowout!

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bridgestone- Firestone Inc. today announced the launch of a nationwide “tire sale blowout” on its P235/75R15 size radial ATX and ATX II tires, as well as its Wilderness AT line. According to the company, prices on nearly [Read More]

Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Taking their cue from Internet companies that have recently hired hackers to improve site security, several struggling online firms announced today they will hire unbearably rude bastards in hopes that they will help improve customer [Read More]

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican [Read More]

Wrigley Launches “Internet Bubble” Gum®

Wrigley Launches “Internet Bubble” Gum®

Chicago, Ill. (SatireWire.com) – The world’s biggest chewing gum maker today unveiled Wrigley’s Internet Bubble Gum®, the “irrationally overpriced gum” that produces an “unsustainably large” bubble. The gum, which went on sale this [Read More]

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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

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