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The Arts Briefs

O.J. to Train Ground Troops

O.J. to Train Ground Troops

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Oft-acquitted celebrity O.J. Simpson, exonerated by a jury Wednesday after being charged with road rage, has been hired to train U.S. ground forces massing for a possible invasion of Afghanistan, the Defense Department announced today. [Read More]

Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

Orem, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Six-year-old Jessica Waitley, who fell into an abandoned well Monday morning and has yet to be contacted by rescuers or the television media, conceded today that her timing was lousy. “If this happens before September, I’m [Read More]

Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

Albany, Ga (SatireWire.com) – Once-famous rockers Night Ranger held a benefit concert in the Piedmont Taproom of the Albany Holiday Inn last night, donating all ticket proceeds from this stop on its new U.S. tour to victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The band [Read More]

MP3.com Wins ABA Achievement Award

MP3.com Wins ABA Achievement Award

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Online music distributor MP3.com joined Microsoft yesterday as the only high technology companies to win the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Bar Association. “In the short history of the Internet, few [Read More]

Volvo With Spoiler Still Just Volvo

Volvo With Spoiler Still Just Volvo

Columbus, Ohio (SatireWire.com) – Forty-two-year-old accounting executive Marvin Cohen had a rear spoiler installed on his four-door Volvo S80 sedan yesterday in the mistaken belief that it would somehow make him look daring. The error was pointed out by Cohen’s [Read More]

Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

Sarasota, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Reacting to new studies claiming people aged 55 and older are the fastest growing segment of new Internet users, hundreds of Web sites have begun offering large print versions, as well as embedding helpful reminders in their text, [Read More]

Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

Lincoln, Neb. (SatireWire.com) – Cliffs Notes founder Clifton Hillegass, born 1918, founded Cliffs Notes 1958, sold in 1998, died Saturday, age 83. Hillegass served in Army, had idea for Cliffs Notes (book synopses), students liked, teachers hated. Recalled as [Read More]

Californians Start Email Campaign for Energy Conservation

Californians Start Email Campaign for Energy Conservation

Sacramento, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Californians, faced with an energy crisis fueled by high-tech power consumption, have launched an email campaign urging fellow computer users to stay off their computers. Days after the state issued its first-ever Stage 3 Power [Read More]

Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

Secaucus, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another sign that senseless geek-on-geek crime is out of control, a 13-year-old honor student and computer genius was arrested yesterday for allegedly killing a classmate in a dispute over a $70 pair of new domain names. [Read More]

‘I Love You’ Email Recipient Still Waits For Flowers, Phone Call

‘I Love You’ Email Recipient Still Waits For Flowers, Phone Call

Dallas, Texas (SatireWire.com) – It’s been three months since Angelina Dupree received an email declaring “I Love You,” but the 33-year-old divorcee said today she’s given up hope of ever hearing again from the sender, whom she now suspects was [Read More]

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TRUMP NOMINATION A VICTORY FOR AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM

TRUMP NOMINATION A VICTORY FOR AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM

BISMARCK, N.D. (SatireWire.com) – In securing the GOP nomination on Thursday, Donald Trump also scored a victory for [Read More]

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

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