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The Arts Briefs

O.J. to Train Ground Troops

O.J. to Train Ground Troops

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Oft-acquitted celebrity O.J. Simpson, exonerated by a jury Wednesday after being charged with road rage, has been hired to train U.S. ground forces massing for a possible invasion of Afghanistan, the Defense Department announced today. [Read More]

Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

Orem, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Six-year-old Jessica Waitley, who fell into an abandoned well Monday morning and has yet to be contacted by rescuers or the television media, conceded today that her timing was lousy. “If this happens before September, I’m [Read More]

Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

Albany, Ga (SatireWire.com) – Once-famous rockers Night Ranger held a benefit concert in the Piedmont Taproom of the Albany Holiday Inn last night, donating all ticket proceeds from this stop on its new U.S. tour to victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The band [Read More]

MP3.com Wins ABA Achievement Award

MP3.com Wins ABA Achievement Award

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Online music distributor MP3.com joined Microsoft yesterday as the only high technology companies to win the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Bar Association. “In the short history of the Internet, few [Read More]

Volvo With Spoiler Still Just Volvo

Volvo With Spoiler Still Just Volvo

Columbus, Ohio (SatireWire.com) – Forty-two-year-old accounting executive Marvin Cohen had a rear spoiler installed on his four-door Volvo S80 sedan yesterday in the mistaken belief that it would somehow make him look daring. The error was pointed out by Cohen’s [Read More]

Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

Sarasota, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Reacting to new studies claiming people aged 55 and older are the fastest growing segment of new Internet users, hundreds of Web sites have begun offering large print versions, as well as embedding helpful reminders in their text, [Read More]

Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

Lincoln, Neb. (SatireWire.com) – Cliffs Notes founder Clifton Hillegass, born 1918, founded Cliffs Notes 1958, sold in 1998, died Saturday, age 83. Hillegass served in Army, had idea for Cliffs Notes (book synopses), students liked, teachers hated. Recalled as [Read More]

Californians Start Email Campaign for Energy Conservation

Californians Start Email Campaign for Energy Conservation

Sacramento, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Californians, faced with an energy crisis fueled by high-tech power consumption, have launched an email campaign urging fellow computer users to stay off their computers. Days after the state issued its first-ever Stage 3 Power [Read More]

Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

Secaucus, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another sign that senseless geek-on-geek crime is out of control, a 13-year-old honor student and computer genius was arrested yesterday for allegedly killing a classmate in a dispute over a $70 pair of new domain names. [Read More]

‘I Love You’ Email Recipient Still Waits For Flowers, Phone Call

‘I Love You’ Email Recipient Still Waits For Flowers, Phone Call

Dallas, Texas (SatireWire.com) – It’s been three months since Angelina Dupree received an email declaring “I Love You,” but the 33-year-old divorcee said today she’s given up hope of ever hearing again from the sender, whom she now suspects was [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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