International
PAPAL FRONTRUNNERS EXPOSED (not like that)
VATICAN CITY (SatireWire.com) -- Here are the leading candidates to replace Pope Benedict XVI, arranged in random order, unless you don't believe in random, in which case the first guy is the next pope. Obviously. [Read More]
TALIBAN ALSO WILL ARM WOMEN TO FIGHT OPPRESSORS… OH, WAIT
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Responding to America’s decision to allow women in combat, Taliban leaders today vowed to give guns to their women too so they could fight off their oppressors, until they realized that would be them. [Read More]
NORTH KOREA WARNS MISSILES CAN REACH U.S. IN 2 DAYS VIA UPS
PYONGYANG (SatireWire.com) -- Reacting to South Korea’s recent deal with the United States to extend the range of its missiles, North Korea surprised the world Tuesday by claiming it now has missiles that can reach the U.S. mainland. If those missiles are sent via UPS 2nd [Read More]
N. KOREA APPARENTLY PLANS TO LITTER WORLD INTO SUBMISSION
PYONGYANG (SatireWire.com) -- North Korea on Thursday launched what appears to be a new type of disintegrating missile that officials warn could pose a significant threat to any nation other than the one it’s pointed at. [Read More]
U.S., ISRAEL AGREE ISRAEL DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT U.S. THINKS
WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In what aides described as a “cordial, constructive” meeting on Iran’s nuclear threat, President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu agreed Monday that Israel really doesn’t give a shit what the U.S. thinks. [Read More]
STUDY CONCLUDES BEIJING IS 13 HOURS AHEAD OF WASHINGTON
WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A three-year government economic study has concluded the U.S. has fallen behind China because Beijing is 13 hours ahead of Washington and therefore knows what’s going to happen more than half a day before the United States. [Read More]
CNN ACCIDENTALLY AIRS FOOTAGE OF UPCOMING U.S.-IRAN WAR
ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- Pentagon officials were furious with CNN today after the network failed to respect a media embargo and accidentally aired footage of a successful Navy missile strike from the third week of the upcoming U.S.-Iran war. [Read More]
CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES
BEIJING (SatireWire.com) – In a further blow to U.S. manufacturing, China today announced it will produce American babies at one-tenth the cost of its U.S. counterparts. [Read More]
BRITISH FREEDOM RIOTERS LIBERATE TVs, SHOES, COMPUTERS
LONDON (SatireWire.com) – The clarion of freedom that sounded across North Africa last Spring has finally reached Britain, where for the fourth straight night rioters wielded the bricks of revolution to break down the tyranny of shop windows and the despotism of display [Read More]
MURDOCH TO CLOSE SCOTLAND YARD
LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Britain’s phone-hacking scandal has claimed another News International subsidiary as media baron Rupert Murdoch today told Parliament he will shut down Scotland Yard. [Read More]
