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AT&T TO CUT WORKFORCE 120 PERCENT

AT&T TO CUT WORKFORCE 120 PERCENT

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- AT&T will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2001, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually has. AT&T stock soared more than 12 points on the news. [Read More]

AT&T NOT IN SERVICE AT THIS TIME

AT&T NOT IN SERVICE AT THIS TIME

Cutback Program’s ‘Remarkable Success’ Cited for Demise NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Less than one year after AT&T’s surprise decision to eliminate 120 percent of its workforce, (see story), the company disclosed today it has achieved [Read More]

STUDY FINDS YOU REALLY DON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE

STUDY FINDS YOU REALLY DON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE

In Grand Scheme of Things, Your Hard Work, Diligence, Found to Mean Squat London, England (SatireWire.com) – In an unprecedented study, British and American researchers have concluded that despite what you’ve been told at work, you really don’t make a [Read More]

NATION HAVING HARD TIME GIVING SHIT ABOUT AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

NATION HAVING HARD TIME GIVING SHIT ABOUT AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

Largest Merger in Media History Seen as Historic, Revolutionary, Whatever DULLES, VA. (SatireWire.com) – Continually bombarded by news that the AOL-Time Warner merger would create the world’s first fully integrated media and communications company – a [Read More]

JUDGE DENIES BIAS AGAINST “GUILTY MICROSOFT BASTARDS”

JUDGE DENIES BIAS AGAINST “GUILTY MICROSOFT BASTARDS”

“My Published Comments About Those Evil Pricks Were Misconstrued,” Jackson Says Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Attempting to keep both his reputation and ruling intact, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson today apologized for his derogatory public remarks [Read More]

SALLY STRUTHERS BEGS YOU TO SAVE THE DOT-COMS

SALLY STRUTHERS BEGS YOU TO SAVE THE DOT-COMS

Share Your Love with an Internet Company in Need; Become a Sponsor “Hello there, Right now, all over the world, dot-coms are hurting. They are suffering from faulty business plans and cash-flow shortfalls. They lack earnings and even the most basic of revenue models. [Read More]

Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday

Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Stocks took another beating yesterday in what analysts are now calling the worst day on Wall Street since the day before yesterday. The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell to a record low, while the Nasdaq plunged even further. The last [Read More]

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only prohibit insider trading committed by humans. Attorneys [Read More]

Your Work Habits Explained

Your Work Habits Explained

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – Stick with us for a moment while we explain your situation. According to the latest jobless statistics, 6 percent of Americans are unemployed, meaning that 94 percent are employed, or at least not complaining. If we assume this 94 [Read More]

Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh

Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh

San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – Gateway Learning Corporation, maker of Hooked On Phonics, said today it will spin off its language teaching arm in an in-ish-ul pub-lik aw-fer-ing, or I Pee Oh. In an S-1 filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the company [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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