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AMERICAN AIRLINES REBRANDS LOOSE SEATS AS ‘FLEXISEATS’

AMERICAN AIRLINES REBRANDS LOOSE SEATS AS ‘FLEXISEATS’

DALLAS, TX (SatireWire.com) -- Reacting to rows of seats that came loose in flight, American Airlines today said it has inspected nearly 50 of its Boeing 757s and concluded the seats that tip back offer 68 percent more leg- and headroom and will now be considered an upgrade. [Read More]

UNIVERSITIES OFFER NEW “BACHELOR OF WHATEVER” DEGREE

UNIVERSITIES OFFER NEW “BACHELOR OF WHATEVER” DEGREE

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Sensitive to claims they no longer prepare students for the real world, universities across the country today unveiled a new type of degree – the Bachelor of Whatever (B.W.), where students select their own courses, track their own [Read More]

U.S. BOSSES BRACING TO BE TOLD TO FUCK OFF BY LOTTERY WINNER

U.S. BOSSES BRACING TO BE TOLD TO FUCK OFF BY LOTTERY WINNER

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- As Americans turn out in droves to purchase tickets for Friday’s $640 million lottery drawing, the nation’s managers, supervisors, and administrators are bracing themselves for someone to walk through their door Monday morning and tell them [Read More]

GAS-PRICE PROTESTER CAN’T AFFORD TO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE

GAS-PRICE PROTESTER CAN’T AFFORD TO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE

LOS ANGELES, CA (SatireWire.com) – A desperate 33-year-old man attempting to set himself on fire to protest rising gas prices abandoned his demonstration today after he was unable to afford the gallon of fuel needed to douse himself and light a match. [Read More]

GOVT ADMITS IT AIMED RULE AT ONE PARTICULARLY HOT CATHOLIC NURSE

GOVT ADMITS IT AIMED RULE AT ONE PARTICULARLY HOT CATHOLIC NURSE

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – The administration today backed off a requirement that religious employers provide birth control coverage after conceding the entire rule was actually written in a government attempt to hook up with a particularly hot 23-year-old Catholic [Read More]

ANALYSIS SHOWS EVERY SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL WAS PRO-OBAMA

ANALYSIS SHOWS EVERY SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL WAS PRO-OBAMA

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- It is entirely true, as Republicans claim, that Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” commercial, run during the Super Bowl and starring Clint Eastwood, was blatantly pro-Obama. After all, “halftime” clearly refers to it being halfway [Read More]

VIDEO SHOWS BAIN EXECUTIVES URINATING ON LAID-OFF WORKERS

VIDEO SHOWS BAIN EXECUTIVES URINATING ON LAID-OFF WORKERS

COLUMBIA, S.C. (SatireWire.com) – Efforts to paint Mitt Romney as a heartless corporate raider were reinforced today after a 1992 videotape surfaced showing Bain Capital executives urinating on helpless, laid-off workers. [Read More]

CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES

CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES

BEIJING (SatireWire.com) – In a further blow to U.S. manufacturing, China today announced it will produce American babies at one-tenth the cost of its U.S. counterparts. [Read More]

MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN PANIC

MARKET EXPERTS ADVISE CALM. TILL NEXT TUESDAY. THEN  PANIC

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Despite the sharp downturn in the stock market, economic and financial experts today advised investors to remain calm and continue to hold on for the long-term, which they said would end abruptly next Tuesday when a market panic wipes [Read More]

WHITE HOUSE, GOP NOW JUST TRADING ‘YO MAMA’ SNAPS

WHITE HOUSE, GOP NOW JUST TRADING ‘YO MAMA’ SNAPS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bad-tempered deficit reduction talks hit bottom today as the White House and Republicans abandoned compromise and sunk to trading “Yo Mama’s So Fiscally Incompetent” barbs. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the [Read More]

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

FATHER: Son, did you steal $20 from your mother’s purse? SON: No. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

House Speaker Paul Ryan was rushed to a hospital today after negotiations over House and Senate tax reform bills caused [Read More]

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

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