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INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

Companies Confused Over Having to Take Something Other Than Stock Santa Clara, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The Internet stock drop has done more than just lop off paper profits. Start-ups, which once regularly paid for goods and services in stock, have been forced to [Read More]

BUSINESS PROVERB “SUCCESS BUILT ON FAILURE” BEING TAKEN MUCH TOO LITERALLY, SAYS STUDY

BUSINESS PROVERB “SUCCESS BUILT ON FAILURE” BEING TAKEN MUCH TOO LITERALLY, SAYS STUDY

“Failure is just a step along the way to success.” – Fast Company, March 2001 Driving Company into Ground Makes it Hard to Dominate Market, Report Notes Palo Alta, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – “Success is built on failure” has long been an [Read More]

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did not hate Microsoft, announced today that she was “tired of [Read More]

CEO DREAM DATES

CEO DREAM DATES

The Captains of Industry Describe Their Fortune 500 Fantasies New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – We asked a dozen Fortune 500 CEOs to describe their dream dates with one (or more?) of their Fortune 500 colleagues. CEO: Carleton (Carly) Fiorina Hewlett-Packard (19) [Read More]

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE PRESS RELEASE

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE PRESS RELEASE

NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – Investors learned a brutal lesson last week, when a false press release sent stock in data networking company Emulex down more than 50 percent. The release, sent out over Internet Wire, claimed the company’s chief executive [Read More]

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid growth and sudden upheaval? Why do small people [Read More]

GIRLFRIEND ANNOUNCES DISAPPOINTING Q3 RESULTS

GIRLFRIEND ANNOUNCES DISAPPOINTING Q3 RESULTS

Relationship Falls Well Below Expectations New York, N.Y. (SatireWire) – Laura Feldstein (Brooklyn, 24) today announced disappointing results in her relationship with skeezing loser boyfriend Derek McHugh (Brooklyn, 27) for the quarter ended Aug. 31. In the [Read More]

POLICE ACCUSED OF CORPORACIAL PROFILING

With Crackdown Mandate, Cops Randomly Hassling "People of White Collar" New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Statistically speaking, David Bates had all the earmarks of a potential criminal: he was well-groomed, between the ages of 35 and 55, drove a luxury car, wore a [Read More]

EMPLOYEE-SLAPPING WIDESPREAD, EFFECTIVE

EMPLOYEE-SLAPPING WIDESPREAD, EFFECTIVE

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) - Frustrated by a tight labor market that has forced them to make unprecedented concessions to employees, several dozen American companies have instituted "employee-slapping" policies, allowing managers to slap workers "pretty much whenever [Read More]

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CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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