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DOT-COMS “JUST KIDDING” ABOUT BEING DOT-COMS, SAY DOT-COMS

DOT-COMS “JUST KIDDING” ABOUT BEING DOT-COMS, SAY DOT-COMS

Profitless Internet Firms Insist They’re Unfairly Labeled as Profitless Internet Firms SAN JOSE, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing they are being unfairly labeled as money-losing dot-coms, nearly 400 money-losing dot-coms announced this week they were “just [Read More]

AUCTION SITE SELLERS CHOOSE HINT OVER HYPE

AUCTION SITE SELLERS CHOOSE HINT OVER HYPE

“A ‘ wild abstract painting ‘ bought at a garage sale and auctioned off over the Internet with a starting bid of 25 cents sold for $135,805 in a bidding frenzy by buyers hoping it was an undiscovered work by the late Richard Diebenkorn.” - MSNBC, May [Read More]

INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

INTERNET DIVE FORCES FIRMS TO USE ‘MONEY’

Companies Confused Over Having to Take Something Other Than Stock Santa Clara, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The Internet stock drop has done more than just lop off paper profits. Start-ups, which once regularly paid for goods and services in stock, have been forced to [Read More]

BUSINESS PROVERB “SUCCESS BUILT ON FAILURE” BEING TAKEN MUCH TOO LITERALLY, SAYS STUDY

BUSINESS PROVERB “SUCCESS BUILT ON FAILURE” BEING TAKEN MUCH TOO LITERALLY, SAYS STUDY

“Failure is just a step along the way to success.” – Fast Company, March 2001 Driving Company into Ground Makes it Hard to Dominate Market, Report Notes Palo Alta, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – “Success is built on failure” has long been an [Read More]

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

IT’S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did not hate Microsoft, announced today that she was “tired of [Read More]

CEO DREAM DATES

CEO DREAM DATES

The Captains of Industry Describe Their Fortune 500 Fantasies New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – We asked a dozen Fortune 500 CEOs to describe their dream dates with one (or more?) of their Fortune 500 colleagues. CEO: Carleton (Carly) Fiorina Hewlett-Packard (19) [Read More]

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE PRESS RELEASE

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE PRESS RELEASE

NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – Investors learned a brutal lesson last week, when a false press release sent stock in data networking company Emulex down more than 50 percent. The release, sent out over Internet Wire, claimed the company’s chief executive [Read More]

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid growth and sudden upheaval? Why do small people [Read More]

GIRLFRIEND ANNOUNCES DISAPPOINTING Q3 RESULTS

GIRLFRIEND ANNOUNCES DISAPPOINTING Q3 RESULTS

Relationship Falls Well Below Expectations New York, N.Y. (SatireWire) – Laura Feldstein (Brooklyn, 24) today announced disappointing results in her relationship with skeezing loser boyfriend Derek McHugh (Brooklyn, 27) for the quarter ended Aug. 31. In the [Read More]

POLICE ACCUSED OF CORPORACIAL PROFILING

With Crackdown Mandate, Cops Randomly Hassling "People of White Collar" New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Statistically speaking, David Bates had all the earmarks of a potential criminal: he was well-groomed, between the ages of 35 and 55, drove a luxury car, wore a [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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