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MICROSOFT WILL ADMIT TO AFFAIR WITH LEWINSKY

MICROSOFT WILL ADMIT TO AFFAIR WITH LEWINSKY

Company, Like President, Indiscreet; Should Get Same Killer Deal, Says Ballmer Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Only hours after President Clinton struck a deal to avoid prosecution by admitting he lied in court about Monica Lewinsky, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer [Read More]

FED DROPS INTEREST RATES, ACID AT POLICY RAVE

FED DROPS INTEREST RATES, ACID AT POLICY RAVE

Federal Reserve Not So Reserved Anymore Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Proving the Federal Reserve is anything but reserved, U.S. central bank governors this week announced they had dropped interest rates, their pants, and 162 tabs of acid and Ecstasy during what [Read More]

THE JOB FAIRY: ONE FAIRY YOU DON’T WANT TO MEET

THE JOB FAIRY: ONE FAIRY YOU DON’T WANT TO MEET

At Balmerton Industries, They’re Doing Some Weird Shit Albany, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Mitch Gruleman sighs as only a burly, bearded man dressed in a white taffeta fairy costume and wielding a 3-pound wooden wand can sigh. “C’mon Poledo, let me [Read More]

BOLD “NEW ECONOMY” DESERVES BOLD “NEW RECESSION”

BOLD “NEW ECONOMY” DESERVES BOLD “NEW RECESSION”

Network Efficiencies Could Lead to Prolonged “Dream Recession,” Say Experts CAMBRIDGE, MASS. (SatireWire.com) – Economic theorists and high tech executives today predicted a downturn in the unprecedented New Economy will produce an equally successful [Read More]

COMPANIES RETOOLING FOR GINGER-BASED ECONOMY

COMPANIES RETOOLING FOR GINGER-BASED ECONOMY

Intel Wants to Form Gintel Alliance; Greenspan Warns of “Ginger Bubble” MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – Although only a handful of people know the secret identity of “Ginger” – a product that reportedly will be “more important [Read More]

NEW HMO STRATEGY: PAY HEALTH CLAIMS

NEW HMO STRATEGY: PAY HEALTH CLAIMS

Analysts Skeptical; Doubt Insurers Equipped to Handle Job MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. (SatireWire.com) – Moving into what insurance executives concede is “uncharted territory,” five of the nation’s leading HMOs announced yesterday they will begin paying [Read More]

CONSULTANCY WINS “E-GURGITATE” AWARD

CONSULTANCY WINS “E-GURGITATE” AWARD

Firm Issues 1000th Study on How Big Corporations Lag the Internet STAMFORD, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – Consulting firm META Group made history today after an independent panel of judges confirmed its new report — E-Reality Sets In — was the 1,000th study to [Read More]

GOD TAKES STAKE IN FORD

GOD TAKES STAKE IN FORD

Analysts Quickly Up Earnings Estimates DEARBORN, MICH. (SatireWire.com) – Ford’s stock quadrupled yesterday after the automotive giant announced it agreed to sell 20 percent of the company to the Lord God Almighty, who analysts expect will take a hard stance [Read More]

MOSKOWITZS AGAIN TOP SALARY SURVEY

MOSKOWITZS AGAIN TOP SALARY SURVEY

‘Robert Moskowitz’ now 4th Most Popular Name for Newborns DENVER, COL. (SatireWire.com) - The average salary for people named Robert Moskowitz continues to outpace the per capita income of the average American, according to the 3rd annual Robert Moskowitz Salary [Read More]

EUROPE NOT USED TO NOT BEING IGNORED

EUROPE NOT USED TO NOT BEING IGNORED

G.E.’s Acquiescence Threatens Delicate Balance of Transatlantic Mutual Disdain The Hague (SatireWire.com) – Europe and the U.S. are said to be furious with General Electric after the American firm hinted it may actually succumb to European pressure and cancel [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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