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VENEZUELA V. IMF

VENEZUELA V. IMF

VENEZUELA V. IMF, ROUND I Caracas (Satirewire.com) – In the face of increasing pressure from the International Monetary Fund to get its finances in order, the Venezuelan Finance Ministry announced today it has sacrificed a small mule. No further details were released [Read More]

THE GREENSPAN EFFECT

THE GREENSPAN EFFECT

DEC 11 St. Louis (Satirewire.com) – Anheuser-Busch, the nation’s largest alcoholic beverage producer, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly switched his drink order from a Michelob Lite to a dry [Read More]

DRUNK REPORTERS RENAME NASDAQ

DRUNK REPORTERS RENAME NASDAQ

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The National Association of Wall Street Journal and Lesser Business Reporters, frustrated that the erratic stock market precludes them from easily identifying it as bull or bear, got horribly drunk last night and unilaterally renamed [Read More]

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Continental Airlines, concerned over studies linking car phone use to traffic accidents, today moved to preempt similar incidents in the sky by banning the use of all communications devices in cockpits. According to Continental, an [Read More]

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term “unique visitors” in reference to site traffic, [Read More]

SHARP SHEEP

SHARP SHEEP

Leeds, England (SatireWire.com) - The British Beef Export Council, finally conceding it cannot guarantee the eradication of Mad Cow Disease, announced today it will discontinue cow production and instead promote the export of genetically-engineered sheep with razor-sharp, [Read More]

PATENTS, SO WHAT

PATENTS, SO WHAT

Whitehouse Station, N.J. (Satirewire.com) - Merck Pharmaceuticals, under heavy pressure to explain how it will deal with the loss of billions of dollars in revenue over the next few years, when four of its lucrative product patents expire, today announced they were [Read More]

FIORINA HAS SKILLS

FIORINA HAS SKILLS

Palo Alto, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – Speaking before a group of investment bankers, Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina yesterday announced that unlike the chief executives at competitors Compaq, Dell, Gateway, and Sun Microsystems, she was the only one capable of doing a [Read More]

COLA WARS

COLA WARS

Atlanta (Satirewire.com) - Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) - In an attempt to keep pace with main soft [Read More]

‘GRAY LADY’ NO LADY

‘GRAY LADY’ NO LADY

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) - Boasting “The Gray Lady is a lady no more,” Howard Stern’s Private Parts Media Corp. announced today it will buy The New York Times and rename it the New York Hot Bitch. The $980 million purchase of the venerable Times [Read More]

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Latest Topics

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human [Read More]

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

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