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Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies. “The market is sluggish right now, and [Read More]

RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

San Francisco, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – After using the courts to keep Napster and MP3.com from freely distributing music over the Internet, the Recording Industry Association of America today asked a federal judge to stop people from humming or whistling copyrighted [Read More]

Taco Bell Chihuahua Fired; New Chalupa “Tastes Funny”

Taco Bell Chihuahua Fired; New Chalupa “Tastes Funny”

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – One week after falling sales caused Taco Bell to ditch its famous Chihuahua, the company unveiled a reformulated chalupa, described as a “crispy, flaky shell with sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes, and a new, tough-and-stringy meat [Read More]

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – As part of the staff cuts it announced yesterday, online auction site eBay said it will not release its employees outright, but will auction them off individually. To increase interest in the employees, who will come from the [Read More]

Yahoo Beats Analysts’ Estimates, Dogs

Yahoo Beats Analysts’ Estimates, Dogs

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) - Internet giant Yahoo!, which this week soundly beat analysts’ estimates, reportedly wasn’t satisfied and beat analysts’ dogs as well. Some analysts even reported getting wedgies. Said a very sore PaineWebber analyst Scott [Read More]

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – The Pizza Hut-sponsored Russian rocket carrying international space station equipment exploded while in orbit today, just days after its launch. Russian Space Agency officials immediately blamed the proton rocket’s [Read More]

Domino’s-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Domino’s-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – After yesterday’s explosion of the Russian rocket sponsored by Pizza Hut, (see story), the Russian Space Agency this morning launched its backup rocket, sponsored by Dominoes, but the vehicle and its pilot, 17-year-old high [Read More]

Greenspan “I’m More Popular Than Jesus”

Greenspan “I’m More Popular Than Jesus”

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the world’s 600 million Roman Catholics, and asked [Read More]

Big Tobacco Can’t Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Big Tobacco Can’t Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) - Tobacco companies insisted today the record $145 billion verdict against them will bankrupt the industry, but victorious plaintiffs refused to let the enemy off the hook and declared they will buy more cigarettes to keep the defendants in [Read More]

Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Responding to a dramatic rise in complaints over flight delays, several major airlines announced today they will no longer attach “stress-inducing” numbers to arrival and departure times, but will instead use a variety of [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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