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Post Office Leading the Way In New “Paper Technology”

Post Office Leading the Way In New “Paper Technology”

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. Postal Service’s plan to print customer emails and send them as more expensive first-class mail may be the “tip of the iceberg,” according to analysts who predict that many other digital documents could [Read More]

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies. “The market is sluggish right now, and [Read More]

RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

San Francisco, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – After using the courts to keep Napster and MP3.com from freely distributing music over the Internet, the Recording Industry Association of America today asked a federal judge to stop people from humming or whistling copyrighted [Read More]

Taco Bell Chihuahua Fired; New Chalupa “Tastes Funny”

Taco Bell Chihuahua Fired; New Chalupa “Tastes Funny”

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – One week after falling sales caused Taco Bell to ditch its famous Chihuahua, the company unveiled a reformulated chalupa, described as a “crispy, flaky shell with sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes, and a new, tough-and-stringy meat [Read More]

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – As part of the staff cuts it announced yesterday, online auction site eBay said it will not release its employees outright, but will auction them off individually. To increase interest in the employees, who will come from the [Read More]

Yahoo Beats Analysts’ Estimates, Dogs

Yahoo Beats Analysts’ Estimates, Dogs

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) - Internet giant Yahoo!, which this week soundly beat analysts’ estimates, reportedly wasn’t satisfied and beat analysts’ dogs as well. Some analysts even reported getting wedgies. Said a very sore PaineWebber analyst Scott [Read More]

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – The Pizza Hut-sponsored Russian rocket carrying international space station equipment exploded while in orbit today, just days after its launch. Russian Space Agency officials immediately blamed the proton rocket’s [Read More]

Domino’s-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Domino’s-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – After yesterday’s explosion of the Russian rocket sponsored by Pizza Hut, (see story), the Russian Space Agency this morning launched its backup rocket, sponsored by Dominoes, but the vehicle and its pilot, 17-year-old high [Read More]

Greenspan “I’m More Popular Than Jesus”

Greenspan “I’m More Popular Than Jesus”

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the world’s 600 million Roman Catholics, and asked [Read More]

Big Tobacco Can’t Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Big Tobacco Can’t Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) - Tobacco companies insisted today the record $145 billion verdict against them will bankrupt the industry, but victorious plaintiffs refused to let the enemy off the hook and declared they will buy more cigarettes to keep the defendants in [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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