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MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to address rampant sexual harassment in the armed forces, U.S. military commanders today announced they will hold a “Miss Pentagon” contest to boost the morale and standing of female soldiers. [Read More]

RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!

RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of extremely radical Multi-Level Marketers claimed today it has kidnapped four hostages and you can too! [Read More]

SANFORD CELEBRATES ELECTION WITH MURDEROUS RAMPAGE

SANFORD CELEBRATES ELECTION WITH MURDEROUS RAMPAGE

CHARLESTON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Disgraced former Gov. Mark Sanford celebrated his incredible comeback election Tuesday by going on a five-county rampage of arson and murder because in South Carolina that's still not as bad as being a liberal. [Read More]

JAMESTOWN OPENS COLONIAL AMERICANNIBALISM EXHIBIT

JAMESTOWN OPENS COLONIAL AMERICANNIBALISM EXHIBIT

So you think history is boring? Not anymore! Come to Jamestown Settlement -- America’s first permanent English anthropophagic colony – where Colonial Americannibalism comes to life! Then is knocked unconscious, disemboweled, flayed, filleted, salted and eaten. Bring the [Read More]

“AMERICA’S BEST COLLEGES” (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus)

“AMERICA’S BEST COLLEGES” (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus)

The pace of college today is faster than ever, especially if you’re running around trying to find someplace to hide during a lockdown. That’s why today we release our list of America’s Best Colleges (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus). [Read More]

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

NEW YORK CITY (SatireWire.com) -- Inspired by 7-foot NBA center Jason Collins and towering Baylor basketball star Brittney Griner, Manhattan’s iconic Chrysler Building today joined the parade of really tall things coming out as gay. [Read More]

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

NEW HAVEN, CT (SatireWire.com) -- From the bombings in Boston to potholes in Britain to whatever it was CNN got wrong this time, someone or something has to take the blame. As a new public service, SatireWire presents, "This Week in Blame" -- a sadly accurate list of 50 [Read More]

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

SEATTLE (SatireWire.com) -- After a tragic week that saw terrorist bombs strike the heart of Boston, Americans are breathing a sigh of relief today that the worst is over and they can go back to simply shooting each other. [Read More]

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a solemn, often plaintive ceremony tinged with ineludible regret, 40 United States senators bid an emotional farewell to their balls Wednesday, moments before siding with the gun lobby to vote down a bill expanding background checks [Read More]

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing texting and driving is as much a part of the American travel experience as speeding, the U.S. Transportation Department today unveiled “text-only lanes” that allow drivers to meander across traffic, zigzag into oncoming [Read More]

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Latest Topics

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous [Read More]

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early [Read More]

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

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