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SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another shocking turn, the unraveling Pentagon sex scandal has revealed the United States is involved in what appears to be some kind of war in Afghanistan. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Paul Ryan hasn’t returned Mitt Romney’s phone calls since the election because he’s probably so busy catching up with work, according to the defeated GOP presidential candidate, who said it’s cool he’ll just, you know, maybe [Read More]

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

BOULDER, CO (SatireWire.com) -- Applications to the University of Colorado have shot up 5,000 percent in the past 48 hours, leaving school officials “mystified and delighted” by the influx of more than a million new admissions forms. In other news, Colorado legalized [Read More]

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After years of banging their heads against a wall in frustration over the inability of the White House and Congress to work together, Americans went to the polls Tuesday and voted overwhelmingly to continue banging their heads against a [Read More]

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – The New York City Marathon will go on as planned Sunday because nothing says New York is back to normal like thousands of perfectly healthy individuals rushing past people in need and ignoring them, Mayor Michael Bloomberg said today. [Read More]

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

BOCA RATON, FL (SatireWire.com) – President Obama did not apologize to the world but did have make-up sex with India, while Mitt Romney supports Israel so much he wants to buy it. It’s the final presidential debate fact check. [Read More]

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- In an effort to streamline terrorist sting operations, the FBI today said it has launched its own al Qaeda cell, which is much better funded and organized, allowing amateur 'would-be' terrorists to quickly become convictable, ‘is-now’ [Read More]

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Math – the universal science of number, quantity, shape, and space – was found dead in a Dupont Circle hotel room this morning, the apparent victim of suicide induced by its inability to adjust to American politics, where numbers [Read More]

ROMNEY, IN DRAG, DENIES HE HAS TACKED TOO FAR LEFT

ROMNEY, IN DRAG, DENIES HE HAS TACKED TOO FAR LEFT

SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – In a spirited stump speech today, Mitt Romney denied he has changed positions or tacked to the left, although observers couldn’t help but notice the Governor was dressed in drag and wore a rainbow-colored U.S. lapel pin. [Read More]

SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- For the first time in the nation’s history, the majority of Americans are not Protestant and are therefore going to hell, a new Pew Research poll concluded if you think about it. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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