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FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- In an effort to streamline terrorist sting operations, the FBI today said it has launched its own al Qaeda cell, which is much better funded and organized, allowing amateur 'would-be' terrorists to quickly become convictable, ‘is-now’ [Read More]

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Math – the universal science of number, quantity, shape, and space – was found dead in a Dupont Circle hotel room this morning, the apparent victim of suicide induced by its inability to adjust to American politics, where numbers [Read More]

ROMNEY, IN DRAG, DENIES HE HAS TACKED TOO FAR LEFT

ROMNEY, IN DRAG, DENIES HE HAS TACKED TOO FAR LEFT

SAN FRANCISCO (SatireWire.com) – In a spirited stump speech today, Mitt Romney denied he has changed positions or tacked to the left, although observers couldn’t help but notice the Governor was dressed in drag and wore a rainbow-colored U.S. lapel pin. [Read More]

SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- For the first time in the nation’s history, the majority of Americans are not Protestant and are therefore going to hell, a new Pew Research poll concluded if you think about it. [Read More]

KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- After apologizing for a company tweet that mocked the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother, KitchenAid today confessed it also sells a food processor that makes fun of your disabled friends, and a microwave oven that carries the warning: [Read More]

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

DENVER, CO. (SatireWire.com) – Following his weak showing in Wednesday’s debate with Mitt Romney, President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary ended in further disappointment as sources say the First Lady refused to have anniversary sex with, “a man who has clearly [Read More]

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Teachers in public schools, increasingly burdened with the responsibility of raising the nation's children, will have to bear the nation’s children as well, according to a new bill in the U.S. House of Representatives. [Read More]

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

YEMEN (SatireWire.com) -- The days are long, the training merciless, the mission terrifying. And in the end, if you’re very, very successful, your groin explodes. Such is the short, painful life of the underwear bomber. [Read More]

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

Rallying around Mitt Romney in much the same way suicide jumpers rally around the ground, Republican heavyweights have continued to endorse the “inevitable” GOP presidential candidate by using such superlatives as “yeah,” “(let’s) face it,” and “whatever." [Read More]

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) -- The state of Florida will be closed for mental repairs until further notice, the National Institutes of Health announced today. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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