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ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. [Read More]

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of [Read More]

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spectacular fashion and not get the girl, while 46 percent think he is a [Read More]

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Wielding the tautological argument, “If everyone is special, then no one is special,” the White House today said the government is not technically spying on anyone because it is spying on everyone. [Read More]

ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS

ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Conceding their “Miss Pentagon” contest idea was not the best way to defuse sexism in the ranks, U.S. Army officials today said they will instead organize a series of “beer summits” between female victims of sexual harassment [Read More]

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to address rampant sexual harassment in the armed forces, U.S. military commanders today announced they will hold a “Miss Pentagon” contest to boost the morale and standing of female soldiers. [Read More]

RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!

RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of extremely radical Multi-Level Marketers claimed today it has kidnapped four hostages and you can too! [Read More]

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Latest Topics

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the [Read More]

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]

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