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TO HONOR FISCAL CLIFF, NEW YEAR’S BALL TO FALL OFF BUILDING, SMASH

TO HONOR FISCAL CLIFF, NEW YEAR’S BALL TO FALL OFF BUILDING, SMASH

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – In honor of the fiscal cliff’s 2013 arrival, Times Square organizers today said this New Year’s Eve, the gigantic crystal ball will slide down its traditional 77-foot flagpole, then plunge another 395 feet to the ground, where it will smash [Read More]

NORQUIST TO STRANGLE A PUPPY FOR EACH BROKEN TAX PLEDGE

NORQUIST TO STRANGLE A PUPPY FOR EACH BROKEN TAX PLEDGE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist today denied he is angry with Republicans who have turned against his no-tax pledge, insisting they are free to do whatever they want, including choose the color and breed of each puppy he intends to [Read More]

SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another shocking turn, the unraveling Pentagon sex scandal has revealed the United States is involved in what appears to be some kind of war in Afghanistan. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Paul Ryan hasn’t returned Mitt Romney’s phone calls since the election because he’s probably so busy catching up with work, according to the defeated GOP presidential candidate, who said it’s cool he’ll just, you know, maybe [Read More]

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

BOULDER, CO (SatireWire.com) -- Applications to the University of Colorado have shot up 5,000 percent in the past 48 hours, leaving school officials “mystified and delighted” by the influx of more than a million new admissions forms. In other news, Colorado legalized [Read More]

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After years of banging their heads against a wall in frustration over the inability of the White House and Congress to work together, Americans went to the polls Tuesday and voted overwhelmingly to continue banging their heads against a [Read More]

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – The New York City Marathon will go on as planned Sunday because nothing says New York is back to normal like thousands of perfectly healthy individuals rushing past people in need and ignoring them, Mayor Michael Bloomberg said today. [Read More]

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

BOCA RATON, FL (SatireWire.com) – President Obama did not apologize to the world but did have make-up sex with India, while Mitt Romney supports Israel so much he wants to buy it. It’s the final presidential debate fact check. [Read More]

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- In an effort to streamline terrorist sting operations, the FBI today said it has launched its own al Qaeda cell, which is much better funded and organized, allowing amateur 'would-be' terrorists to quickly become convictable, ‘is-now’ [Read More]

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

MATH COMMITS SUICIDE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Math – the universal science of number, quantity, shape, and space – was found dead in a Dupont Circle hotel room this morning, the apparent victim of suicide induced by its inability to adjust to American politics, where numbers [Read More]

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Latest Topics

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

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