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GIDDY GOP NOW WANTS REPEAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, TREATY OF GHENT

GIDDY GOP NOW WANTS REPEAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, TREATY OF GHENT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Giddy after successfully shutting down government over a 2010 health care law they dislike, Republicans today said the White House must also now agree to repeal the 1964 Civil Rights Act, the National Banking Act of 1863, and the [Read More]

CONGRESS RECLASSIFIES MISSISSIPPI RIVER AS PLANET

CONGRESS RECLASSIFIES MISSISSIPPI RIVER AS PLANET

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In attempt to refute accusations it has lost touch with reality, Congress today reclassified the Mississippi River as a planet and gave itself until midnight tonight to find the nation’s tallest pigeon. [Read More]

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

(SatireWire.com) – U.S. State Department transcript of a cell phone call between Palmer Greavey, Under Deputy Secretary for the Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Deputy Undersecretary of State for Middle Eastern Affairs, and a 29-year-old civilian identified as Hassam. [Read More]

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. [Read More]

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of [Read More]

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spectacular fashion and not get the girl, while 46 percent think he is a [Read More]

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Wielding the tautological argument, “If everyone is special, then no one is special,” the White House today said the government is not technically spying on anyone because it is spying on everyone. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health [Read More]

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it [Read More]

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A contrite Apple Inc. today admitted it was to blame for the suggestion by Rep. Jason [Read More]

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