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U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing texting and driving is as much a part of the American travel experience as speeding, the U.S. Transportation Department today unveiled “text-only lanes” that allow drivers to meander across traffic, zigzag into oncoming [Read More]

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CANESVILLE, MS (SatireWire.com) -- A massive tornado, spinning in a reverse clockwise direction struck this small Mississippi town just before dawn today, leaving renovated homes, firmly rooted trees and shiny, unstrewn cars in its wake. [Read More]

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) – Conceding a firearm in the home increases the risk of gun-related violence, but sticking to their belief that the only way to stop someone with a gun is with a gun, the NRA today suggested firearm owners buy a second gun to protect [Read More]

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

PYONGYANG (SatireWire.com) -- In this episode, All-Powerful Great Leader Kim Jong-un meets with the North Korean Threat and Provocation Committee, which has some bad news. [Read More]

CITY ALSO PASSES LAW REQUIRING RESIDENTS TO TALK ALL THE TIME

CITY ALSO PASSES LAW REQUIRING RESIDENTS TO TALK ALL THE TIME

NELSON, GA (SatireWire.com) -- One day after standing up for the Second Amendment by passing a law making gun ownership mandatory, the city of Nelson, Ga., today applied the same ironclad logic to First Amendment free speech and enacted a law requiring its 1,300 residents [Read More]

IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

SERMON ON THE MOUNT (SatireWire.com) -- JESUS: Alright, you all have copies of my speech. Let’s start with my first Beatitude: ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ Thoughts? JOHN: Just the poor get heaven? That’s class [Read More]

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – At a landmark hearing today on gay rights, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas peppered attorneys with an hour-long barrage of incisive and often brilliant questions in his mind that left spectators and court officials in his head [Read More]

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- NRA chief executive Wayne LaPierre ended a rousing anti-gun-control speech at CPAC Friday by surprising his unsuspecting audience with new handguns, which had been taped under their seats, Oprah-style. [Read More]

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

(SatireWire.com) – Once again, the answer to the age-old rhetorical question, “Is the Pope Catholic?” is yes. Once again, the cardinals in Rome have looked inward for a pontiff, effectively cutting themselves off from the world’s 5.8 billion non-Catholics. It defies [Read More]

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

VATICAN CITY (SatireWire) -- The leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics officially resigned Thursday unless you define ‘Catholics’ as "people who actually practice Catholicism” and ‘leader’ as “person you still to listen to." [Read More]

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PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

(SatireWire.com) After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has [Read More]

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - In the latest staff shakeup, President-elect Donald Trump today reportedly replaced key [Read More]

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

RICHMOND, VA – Donald Trump’s shock election has dramatically shifted the political landscape in the home of [Read More]

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Pushed to the limits of pain by an election that was initially entertaining but [Read More]

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

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