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CITY ALSO PASSES LAW REQUIRING RESIDENTS TO TALK ALL THE TIME

CITY ALSO PASSES LAW REQUIRING RESIDENTS TO TALK ALL THE TIME

NELSON, GA (SatireWire.com) -- One day after standing up for the Second Amendment by passing a law making gun ownership mandatory, the city of Nelson, Ga., today applied the same ironclad logic to First Amendment free speech and enacted a law requiring its 1,300 residents [Read More]

IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

SERMON ON THE MOUNT (SatireWire.com) -- JESUS: Alright, you all have copies of my speech. Let’s start with my first Beatitude: ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ Thoughts? JOHN: Just the poor get heaven? That’s class [Read More]

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – At a landmark hearing today on gay rights, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas peppered attorneys with an hour-long barrage of incisive and often brilliant questions in his mind that left spectators and court officials in his head [Read More]

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- NRA chief executive Wayne LaPierre ended a rousing anti-gun-control speech at CPAC Friday by surprising his unsuspecting audience with new handguns, which had been taped under their seats, Oprah-style. [Read More]

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

(SatireWire.com) – Once again, the answer to the age-old rhetorical question, “Is the Pope Catholic?” is yes. Once again, the cardinals in Rome have looked inward for a pontiff, effectively cutting themselves off from the world’s 5.8 billion non-Catholics. It defies [Read More]

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

VATICAN CITY (SatireWire) -- The leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics officially resigned Thursday unless you define ‘Catholics’ as "people who actually practice Catholicism” and ‘leader’ as “person you still to listen to." [Read More]

SO WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO EAT ME? by A HORSE

SO WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO EAT ME?   by A HORSE

(SatireWire.com) -- So, you people are outraged that horse meat is ending up in your precious cow meat. You’re furious. You’re disgusted. But hey, you know what else you are? You’re assholes. [Read More]

REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- The People’s Republic of China has never hacked into corporate computers or web sites and any claims to the contrary are completely false, according to a report posted online today by The New York Times and, simultaneously, NBC, CBS, ABC, the [Read More]

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

CHARLOTTE, NC (SatireWire.com) -- Public outrage over a 60-year-old man who allegedly slapped a toddler on a Delta flight has put Slap-a-Tike Day Care Centers on the defensive, with many wondering why the nationwide chain hasn’t raised red flags before. [Read More]

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Peace Corps today announced it will expand its third-world missions by regularly sending volunteers to Sudan, Eritrea, and Carnival Cruise Lines. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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