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JAMESTOWN OPENS COLONIAL AMERICANNIBALISM EXHIBIT

JAMESTOWN OPENS COLONIAL AMERICANNIBALISM EXHIBIT

So you think history is boring? Not anymore! Come to Jamestown Settlement -- America’s first permanent English anthropophagic colony – where Colonial Americannibalism comes to life! Then is knocked unconscious, disemboweled, flayed, filleted, salted and eaten. Bring the [Read More]

“AMERICA’S BEST COLLEGES” (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus)

“AMERICA’S BEST COLLEGES” (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus)

The pace of college today is faster than ever, especially if you’re running around trying to find someplace to hide during a lockdown. That’s why today we release our list of America’s Best Colleges (for Hiding from a Gunman on Campus). [Read More]

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

CHRYSLER BUILDING COMES OUT AS GAY

NEW YORK CITY (SatireWire.com) -- Inspired by 7-foot NBA center Jason Collins and towering Baylor basketball star Brittney Griner, Manhattan’s iconic Chrysler Building today joined the parade of really tall things coming out as gay. [Read More]

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

THIS WEEK IN BLAME

NEW HAVEN, CT (SatireWire.com) -- From the bombings in Boston to potholes in Britain to whatever it was CNN got wrong this time, someone or something has to take the blame. As a new public service, SatireWire presents, "This Week in Blame" -- a sadly accurate list of 50 [Read More]

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

AFTER BOMBINGS, NATION SETTLES DOWN TO RESUME SHOOTING ITSELF

SEATTLE (SatireWire.com) -- After a tragic week that saw terrorist bombs strike the heart of Boston, Americans are breathing a sigh of relief today that the worst is over and they can go back to simply shooting each other. [Read More]

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

SENATORS BID EMOTIONAL FAREWELL TO THEIR BALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a solemn, often plaintive ceremony tinged with ineludible regret, 40 United States senators bid an emotional farewell to their balls Wednesday, moments before siding with the gun lobby to vote down a bill expanding background checks [Read More]

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

U.S. TO INSTALL TEXTING LANES ON HIGHWAYS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing texting and driving is as much a part of the American travel experience as speeding, the U.S. Transportation Department today unveiled “text-only lanes” that allow drivers to meander across traffic, zigzag into oncoming [Read More]

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CLOCKWISE TORNADO SPRUCES UP RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD

CANESVILLE, MS (SatireWire.com) -- A massive tornado, spinning in a reverse clockwise direction struck this small Mississippi town just before dawn today, leaving renovated homes, firmly rooted trees and shiny, unstrewn cars in its wake. [Read More]

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

NRA TO GUN OWNERS: BUY 2ND GUN TO PROTECT SELF FROM 1ST GUN

FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) – Conceding a firearm in the home increases the risk of gun-related violence, but sticking to their belief that the only way to stop someone with a gun is with a gun, the NRA today suggested firearm owners buy a second gun to protect [Read More]

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

NORTH KOREA RUNS OUT OF THREATS

PYONGYANG (SatireWire.com) -- In this episode, All-Powerful Great Leader Kim Jong-un meets with the North Korean Threat and Provocation Committee, which has some bad news. [Read More]

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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO YOUR INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO YOUR INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

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