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IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

IF JESUS’ DISCIPLES WERE WASHINGTON POLITICIANS

SERMON ON THE MOUNT (SatireWire.com) -- JESUS: Alright, you all have copies of my speech. Let’s start with my first Beatitude: ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ Thoughts? JOHN: Just the poor get heaven? That’s class [Read More]

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

IN HIS HEAD, CLARENCE THOMAS PEPPERS LAWYERS WITH QUESTIONS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – At a landmark hearing today on gay rights, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas peppered attorneys with an hour-long barrage of incisive and often brilliant questions in his mind that left spectators and court officials in his head [Read More]

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

LAPIERRE SURPRISES CPAC CROWD WITH NEW GUNS UNDER SEATS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- NRA chief executive Wayne LaPierre ended a rousing anti-gun-control speech at CPAC Friday by surprising his unsuspecting audience with new handguns, which had been taped under their seats, Oprah-style. [Read More]

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

THE NEXT POPE SHOULD BE JEWISH

(SatireWire.com) – Once again, the answer to the age-old rhetorical question, “Is the Pope Catholic?” is yes. Once again, the cardinals in Rome have looked inward for a pontiff, effectively cutting themselves off from the world’s 5.8 billion non-Catholics. It defies [Read More]

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

WORLD’S MOST IGNORED LEADER WILL BE MISSED THEORETICALLY

VATICAN CITY (SatireWire) -- The leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics officially resigned Thursday unless you define ‘Catholics’ as "people who actually practice Catholicism” and ‘leader’ as “person you still to listen to." [Read More]

SO WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO EAT ME? by A HORSE

SO WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO EAT ME?   by A HORSE

(SatireWire.com) -- So, you people are outraged that horse meat is ending up in your precious cow meat. You’re furious. You’re disgusted. But hey, you know what else you are? You’re assholes. [Read More]

REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- The People’s Republic of China has never hacked into corporate computers or web sites and any claims to the contrary are completely false, according to a report posted online today by The New York Times and, simultaneously, NBC, CBS, ABC, the [Read More]

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

CHARLOTTE, NC (SatireWire.com) -- Public outrage over a 60-year-old man who allegedly slapped a toddler on a Delta flight has put Slap-a-Tike Day Care Centers on the defensive, with many wondering why the nationwide chain hasn’t raised red flags before. [Read More]

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Peace Corps today announced it will expand its third-world missions by regularly sending volunteers to Sudan, Eritrea, and Carnival Cruise Lines. [Read More]

STEVEN CHU SULKING OVER U.S. GOVT NOT GETTING WIPED OUT

STEVEN CHU SULKING OVER U.S. GOVT NOT GETTING WIPED OUT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Sulking Energy Secretary Steven Chu, the cabinet member designated to sit out the State of the Union address in the event the entire U.S. leadership was killed, has been unable to hide his disappointment ever since the President returned [Read More]

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Latest Topics

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human [Read More]

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

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