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U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

U.S. DIPLOMAT EXPLAINS WHY SYRIAN CIVILIANS MUST KEEP DYING

(SatireWire.com) – U.S. State Department transcript of a cell phone call between Palmer Greavey, Under Deputy Secretary for the Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Deputy Undersecretary of State for Middle Eastern Affairs, and a 29-year-old civilian identified as Hassam. [Read More]

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

ARIEL CASTRO HANGS SELF AFTER NOT GETTING ‘50 SHADES’ LEAD

CLEVELAND, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Convicted kidnapper and sexual abuser Ariel Castro hanged himself in his prison cell late Tuesday only hours after learning he had failed to land the leading role in the film adaptation of bondage novel, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. [Read More]

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”

DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of [Read More]

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spectacular fashion and not get the girl, while 46 percent think he is a [Read More]

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Wielding the tautological argument, “If everyone is special, then no one is special,” the White House today said the government is not technically spying on anyone because it is spying on everyone. [Read More]

ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS

ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Conceding their “Miss Pentagon” contest idea was not the best way to defuse sexism in the ranks, U.S. Army officials today said they will instead organize a series of “beer summits” between female victims of sexual harassment [Read More]

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to address rampant sexual harassment in the armed forces, U.S. military commanders today announced they will hold a “Miss Pentagon” contest to boost the morale and standing of female soldiers. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

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