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HOW TO CHANGE A SPARE GOVERNMENT

HOW TO CHANGE A SPARE GOVERNMENT

“Activating a Cold War-era plan, President Bush has put in place a (100-person) “shadow government” working in secret bunkers outside Washington in case of a catastrophic attack.” — Reuters, March 1, 2002 Smaller U.S. Replacement Not [Read More]

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

“Vice President Back in Circulation” – USA Today headline, Feb. 25, 2002 “Secret Service agents shopping for Olympics souvenirs lost a document detailing security plans for Vice President Dick Cheney’s appearance at the closing ceremony” [Read More]

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

Pledges Not to Move Alone Unless It Does Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do [Read More]

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

(Ed Note: One month after this story appeared on SatireWire, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security began issuing color-coded terrorist threat level advisories.) Recognizable Format Should Make It Easier for Americans to Organize Week Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) [Read More]

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

No Plans in Place to Deal with Drying Up of Oceans, Giant Moon Explosion, Or Potential for Everyone to Be Pecked to Death Like in “The Birds” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a haunting Senate hearing today on risk assessment and emergency readiness, [Read More]

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

STATIONARY ORBIT (SatireWire.com) - Disturbed by ruthless terrorist attacks and raging war, the crew of the starship Enterprise, which has been stealthily orbiting Earth since August, is reportedly torn over whether to violate Star Fleet's Prime Directive and intervene in [Read More]

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: BREAK UP THE RED CROSS

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: BREAK UP THE RED CROSS

Rapidly Growing Charity Behemoth Stifling Competition, Says DOJ Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Calling the Red Cross “the Microsoft of relief agencies,” the U.S. Department of Justice today asked a federal court to break up the organization, which has [Read More]

U.S. ASKS BIN LADEN TO BESITE OF MASSIVE MONUMENT

U.S. ASKS BIN LADEN TO BESITE OF MASSIVE MONUMENT

“America’s New War” to Become “America’s New Building Project” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire) – In a dramatic shift in strategy and sentiment, the U.S. government today called off its manhunt for terrorist leader Osama bin Laden, and [Read More]

JESUS RETURNS, BEATLES REUNITE, A-BOMB DESTROYS CHINA, ISRAEL AND PALESTINE AT PEACE, MICROSOFT TAKES OVER INTERNET, BUT ALL ANYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE STUPID ELECTION

JESUS RETURNS, BEATLES REUNITE, A-BOMB DESTROYS CHINA, ISRAEL AND PALESTINE AT PEACE, MICROSOFT TAKES OVER INTERNET, BUT ALL ANYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE STUPID ELECTION

“Fine. We Give Up. We’ll Talk About the Election Too,” Says SatireWire Editor JERUSALEM, PALESTINE (SatireWire.com) – In a string of unprecedented events during the past several weeks, Jesus Christ returned to Earth, a massive atomic bomb killed 1 [Read More]

CONGRESS FORBIDS ECONOMY TO RECOVER UNTIL CONGRESS PASSES BILL TO HELP ECONOMY RECOVER

CONGRESS FORBIDS ECONOMY TO RECOVER UNTIL CONGRESS PASSES BILL TO HELP ECONOMY RECOVER

“Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott, the Republican leader, said he thought that `we need to fish or cut bait (on a stimulus package) this coming week’ because there are indications the economy could be recovering.” – AP, Dec. 10, 2001 Partisan Bickering [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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