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CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

“Vice President Back in Circulation” – USA Today headline, Feb. 25, 2002 “Secret Service agents shopping for Olympics souvenirs lost a document detailing security plans for Vice President Dick Cheney’s appearance at the closing ceremony” [Read More]

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

Pledges Not to Move Alone Unless It Does Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do [Read More]

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

(Ed Note: One month after this story appeared on SatireWire, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security began issuing color-coded terrorist threat level advisories.) Recognizable Format Should Make It Easier for Americans to Organize Week Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) [Read More]

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

No Plans in Place to Deal with Drying Up of Oceans, Giant Moon Explosion, Or Potential for Everyone to Be Pecked to Death Like in “The Birds” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a haunting Senate hearing today on risk assessment and emergency readiness, [Read More]

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

STATIONARY ORBIT (SatireWire.com) - Disturbed by ruthless terrorist attacks and raging war, the crew of the starship Enterprise, which has been stealthily orbiting Earth since August, is reportedly torn over whether to violate Star Fleet's Prime Directive and intervene in [Read More]

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: BREAK UP THE RED CROSS

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: BREAK UP THE RED CROSS

Rapidly Growing Charity Behemoth Stifling Competition, Says DOJ Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Calling the Red Cross “the Microsoft of relief agencies,” the U.S. Department of Justice today asked a federal court to break up the organization, which has [Read More]

U.S. ASKS BIN LADEN TO BESITE OF MASSIVE MONUMENT

U.S. ASKS BIN LADEN TO BESITE OF MASSIVE MONUMENT

“America’s New War” to Become “America’s New Building Project” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire) – In a dramatic shift in strategy and sentiment, the U.S. government today called off its manhunt for terrorist leader Osama bin Laden, and [Read More]

JESUS RETURNS, BEATLES REUNITE, A-BOMB DESTROYS CHINA, ISRAEL AND PALESTINE AT PEACE, MICROSOFT TAKES OVER INTERNET, BUT ALL ANYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE STUPID ELECTION

JESUS RETURNS, BEATLES REUNITE, A-BOMB DESTROYS CHINA, ISRAEL AND PALESTINE AT PEACE, MICROSOFT TAKES OVER INTERNET, BUT ALL ANYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE STUPID ELECTION

“Fine. We Give Up. We’ll Talk About the Election Too,” Says SatireWire Editor JERUSALEM, PALESTINE (SatireWire.com) – In a string of unprecedented events during the past several weeks, Jesus Christ returned to Earth, a massive atomic bomb killed 1 [Read More]

CONGRESS FORBIDS ECONOMY TO RECOVER UNTIL CONGRESS PASSES BILL TO HELP ECONOMY RECOVER

CONGRESS FORBIDS ECONOMY TO RECOVER UNTIL CONGRESS PASSES BILL TO HELP ECONOMY RECOVER

“Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott, the Republican leader, said he thought that `we need to fish or cut bait (on a stimulus package) this coming week’ because there are indications the economy could be recovering.” – AP, Dec. 10, 2001 Partisan Bickering [Read More]

REVOLUTION COMES AT INCONVENIENT TIME

REVOLUTION COMES AT INCONVENIENT TIME

Lack of Bourgeoisie Cooperation, Strong TV Lineup, Turn Back Universal Uprising Everywhere (SatireWire.com) – The long-awaited Revolution, when the oppressed and disenfranchised break the chains of economic servitude and social injustice and put the tyrants and [Read More]

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Latest Topics

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human [Read More]

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

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