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In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

“Sometimes, when I sleep at night, I think of ‘Hop on Pop’” – George W. Bush, in a speech about childhood education, AP, April 2, 2002 George: Pat… Cat… Laura: George? George: Pat sat on cat. Laura: George honey? George: No Pat no! [Read More]

GEORGE BUSH IS PREGNANT

GEORGE BUSH IS PREGNANT

Erratic Policy Behavior Result of Massive Hormone Surge Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Though his fainting spell in early February induced a few knowing winks, President George Bush’s erratic foreign policy mood swings have forced the White House to [Read More]

RICH AWED BY POOR’S ABILITY TO LIVE LIKE THAT

RICH AWED BY POOR’S ABILITY TO LIVE LIKE THAT

“No Way We Could Do It,” Say Leaders of Wealthy Nations Monterrey, Mexico (SatireWire.com) – At a United Nations conference last week to address world poverty, dozens of leaders from the planet’s wealthiest nations concluded they were “totally [Read More]

CLOSED DISINFORMATION AGENCY CAN’T CONVINCE STAFF IT’S CLOSED

CLOSED DISINFORMATION AGENCY CAN’T CONVINCE STAFF IT’S CLOSED

“The Pentagon on Tuesday shut down its short-lived “strategic information” office after media reports suggested it might be used to spread disinformation abroad.” – Reuters, Feb. 26, 2002 “Right, Sure, We’re ‘Closed,’ [Read More]

HOW TO CHANGE A SPARE GOVERNMENT

HOW TO CHANGE A SPARE GOVERNMENT

“Activating a Cold War-era plan, President Bush has put in place a (100-person) “shadow government” working in secret bunkers outside Washington in case of a catastrophic attack.” — Reuters, March 1, 2002 Smaller U.S. Replacement Not [Read More]

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE’S EXPENDABLE

“Vice President Back in Circulation” – USA Today headline, Feb. 25, 2002 “Secret Service agents shopping for Olympics souvenirs lost a document detailing security plans for Vice President Dick Cheney’s appearance at the closing ceremony” [Read More]

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

Pledges Not to Move Alone Unless It Does Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do [Read More]

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

(Ed Note: One month after this story appeared on SatireWire, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security began issuing color-coded terrorist threat level advisories.) Recognizable Format Should Make It Easier for Americans to Organize Week Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) [Read More]

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

U.S. “GROSSLY UNPREPARED” FOR UNLIKELY THREATS

No Plans in Place to Deal with Drying Up of Oceans, Giant Moon Explosion, Or Potential for Everyone to Be Pecked to Death Like in “The Birds” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a haunting Senate hearing today on risk assessment and emergency readiness, [Read More]

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

ENTERPRISE CREW SPLIT OVER VIOLATING PRIME DIRECTIVE, INTERVENING TO SAVE EARTH

STATIONARY ORBIT (SatireWire.com) - Disturbed by ruthless terrorist attacks and raging war, the crew of the starship Enterprise, which has been stealthily orbiting Earth since August, is reportedly torn over whether to violate Star Fleet's Prime Directive and intervene in [Read More]

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CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

CHEVY COBALT: “I HAVE A DISABILITY, NOT A DEFECT”

In the last several days I have been called everything from “flawed” to “tragically dangerous,” and it hurts. I [Read More]

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to [Read More]

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS

“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions [Read More]

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

RUSSIA TO ANNEX ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) -- After claiming the right to seize Crimea because of its Russian heritage, President Vladimir [Read More]

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS

KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian [Read More]

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