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Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican [Read More]

House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The anti-spam bill passed by the U.S. House of Representatives Tuesday was sent to the Senate today, but the Senate’s spam filtering software automatically determined it was junk mail and deleted it. Amy Lee, Chief System [Read More]

FBI TARGETS PARANOID

FBI TARGETS PARANOID

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The FBI disclosed today that it has been systematically reading and deleting email messages sent to and from paranoid people. According to a Bureau spokesman, the FBI has been pursuing the strategy for “exactly as long as [Read More]

AD NETWORK RELENTS

AD NETWORK RELENTS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Online advertising network DoubleClick, under fire from the New York state attorney general for its now-scrapped plan to personally identify Web surfers and their habits through its software, denied today it ever implemented the [Read More]

MORE DELAYS: IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH “INTENT TO ATTACK” NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

MORE DELAYS: IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH “INTENT TO ATTACK” NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

U.S. Also Needs Invasion, Demolition, Military Housing Permits Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Already frustrated by seemingly endless delays, U.S. officials today conceded a confusing knot of new Iraqi regulations that require “non-resident [Read More]

BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS; NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS; NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

America West Crews Can Now Pop a Cap on a Cold One Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. House of Representatives this week overwhelmingly passed a bill allowing flight crews to carry guns aboard aircraft, a measure strongly supported by pilots, who boasted [Read More]

ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE)

ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE)

U.S. Drops God as Sponsor, Will Look Elsewhere San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – A U.S. federal appeals court ruled Wednesday that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is unconstitutional because it contains the phrase “under God,” a decision [Read More]

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

“Propelled by strong winds from the north, the fires have created a plume of smoke from Michigan to Massachusetts that’s visible as far south as Washington, D.C.” – National Post, Canada, July 8, 2002 Canada Also Discloses It Has Invaded U.S. 113 [Read More]

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

Arab Neighbors Suddenly Opposed to New Country in Qualifying Rounds Kananaskis, Canada (SatireWire.com) – U.S. President George Bush today said Palestinians should elect new leaders and adopt sweeping reforms if they wish to establish an independent state that would [Read More]

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

“A U.S. Forest Service worker admitted sparking the biggest wildfire in Colorado history when she burned a letter from her estranged husband in the bone-dry Pike National Forest a week ago.” – Rocky Mountain News, June 17, 2002 “Incendiary [Read More]

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TRUMP NOMINATION A VICTORY FOR AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM

TRUMP NOMINATION A VICTORY FOR AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM

BISMARCK, N.D. (SatireWire.com) – In securing the GOP nomination on Thursday, Donald Trump also scored a victory for [Read More]

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

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