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BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

Arab Neighbors Suddenly Opposed to New Country in Qualifying Rounds Kananaskis, Canada (SatireWire.com) – U.S. President George Bush today said Palestinians should elect new leaders and adopt sweeping reforms if they wish to establish an independent state that would [Read More]

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

“A U.S. Forest Service worker admitted sparking the biggest wildfire in Colorado history when she burned a letter from her estranged husband in the bone-dry Pike National Forest a week ago.” – Rocky Mountain News, June 17, 2002 “Incendiary [Read More]

GREENPEACE WILL NOW OPPOSE EVERYTHING

GREENPEACE WILL NOW OPPOSE EVERYTHING

Wendy Is Not a Dolphin, But Robert Is “It’s all bad, it all needs to stop,” said a Greenpeace spokesperson, who added the group will no longer send out action alerts calling for opposition to specific issues, but will instead issue daily alerts to all [Read More]

FBI ACCUSED OF PASSING SECRETS TO U.S.

FBI ACCUSED OF PASSING SECRETS TO U.S.

Information Could Haven Fallen into Wrong Hands, Such as FBI Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an alarming breakdown of internal security, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation today was accused of passing classified, terrorism-related information to the [Read More]

AL-QAEDA LIBERALS DEMAND “LIFE IN PRISON TO THE WEST”

AL-QAEDA LIBERALS DEMAND “LIFE IN PRISON TO THE WEST”

Citing High Recidivism Rates, However, Conservatives Still Call for Death Hindu Kush, Pakistan (SatireWire.com) – Arguing the death penalty has not proven to be an effective deterrent, the staunchly liberal faction of the Al Qaeda terrorist network today urged the [Read More]

WHITE HOUSE NOW ACCUSED OF SHARING TOO MUCH AFTER RUMSFELD’S “I’M SCARED SHITLESS” SPEECH

WHITE HOUSE NOW ACCUSED OF SHARING TOO MUCH AFTER RUMSFELD’S “I’M SCARED SHITLESS” SPEECH

White House Campaign to Scare Crap Out of Everyone Hits Home Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – While praising the Bush administration for its sudden willingness to share information on terror warnings, critics today suggested the White House had volunteered too much [Read More]

U.S., RUSSIA SIGN HISTORIC NUKE TREATY NEITHER SIDE PLANS TO ABIDE BY

U.S., RUSSIA SIGN HISTORIC NUKE TREATY  NEITHER SIDE PLANS TO ABIDE BY

Russia Can Include Warheads “It Can’t Find Just Now” in Cutbacks Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The United States and Russia Friday signed a treaty to dramatically reduce their nuclear arsenals, a pact observers hailed as one of the most [Read More]

ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a compromise that calls for the left and right to work together, energy company executives today proposed burning both fossil fuels and environmental activists, who officials estimated may be able to provide 2 percent of the [Read More]

PENTAGON INSISTS REAL RATS NOT BEING USED

PENTAGON INSISTS REAL RATS NOT BEING USED

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Under withering fire from animal rights activists, who blasted the Pentagon's plan to fit live rats with electrodes so they could be steered toward hidden bombs or disaster victims, the U.S. Defense Department today promised that actual [Read More]

In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

In Bed with Ned, Ted, W., and Ed

“Sometimes, when I sleep at night, I think of ‘Hop on Pop’” – George W. Bush, in a speech about childhood education, AP, April 2, 2002 George: Pat… Cat… Laura: George? George: Pat sat on cat. Laura: George honey? George: No Pat no! [Read More]

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Latest Topics

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who [Read More]

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

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