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U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

Selection Committee Gives U.S., China No. 1 seeds; Iraq a No. 3 in Mideast New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update – “March Madness,” the sobriquet of America’s NCAA college basketball tournament, has spilled over to the international arena, as the [Read More]

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

“The Swiss voted Sunday to join the United Nations, moving their country warily but decisively closer to the international community after centuries of neutrality and independence.” – L.A. Times, March 4 “Everybody’s Mean to Me, and the Food [Read More]

CORRECTION: BUSH FAINTS AFTER “CHOKING THE PRETZEL,” NOT “CHOKING ON PRETZEL”

Presidential History Replete with Euphemisms for Staring at the Stars Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today said a miscommunication with the President’s medical staff caused a report to circulate stating President Bush [Read More]

Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland

Reno, Nev. (SatireWire.com) – President Bush blasted a plan unveiled Thursday that calls for depositing nuclear waste on the Moon, arguing the radioactive material could turn the lunar surface into a vast, uninhabitable wasteland. “Imagine a place where nothing [Read More]

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a marked improvement over their response to previous threats, federal agents evacuated President Bush from the White House today, just two days after a small plane entered restricted air space over Washington. “Mr. [Read More]

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

St. Paul, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Saying he wanted to protect his family’s privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that the intense media scrutiny given to those in public service is driving [Read More]

FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Seeking to quell fears it will abuse its newly acquired powers of surveillance, the FBI today promised it would not only respond to any concerns, but will follow complainants in the field to observe their concerns, and talk about [Read More]

Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Democratic finger-pointing over how the Bush administration handled terrorist threats prior to 9/11 intensified today as Republicans accused their opponents of purposely pointing at the White House with the wrong finger. “When [Read More]

Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a long-awaited decision, the Transportation Security Administration today denied a request that would have allowed airline pilots to carry firearms in the cockpit, but said it would allow them to “do that wacko crazy-person [Read More]

FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation

FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – More than six months after several letters containing weaponized anthrax were mailed across the country, FBI director Robert Mueller today announced his agency would offer a $2.5 million reward for reliable information on the [Read More]

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CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health [Read More]

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it [Read More]

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

SHEEPISH APPLE ADMITS IT CHARGES CHAFFETZ $10K/YR FOR HIS IPHONE

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- A contrite Apple Inc. today admitted it was to blame for the suggestion by Rep. Jason [Read More]

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