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GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING

GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING

SPARTA, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- The frequent snowstorms that have shut down much of the Eastern U.S. this winter are not the result of climate change or coincidence, but were meant specifically to cancel the Sparta, N.J., Community Center’s weekly “Hip-Hop-Til-U-Drop" [Read More]

UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Speaking on national television Tuesday night, a generally unpopular person told a large gathering of even less popular people that if they do not agree to help him do popular things he will do them on his own even though one reason [Read More]

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING

OK, OK, I know. Why would I answer Katy Perry’s prayers and ignore the pleas of people who are hungry or homeless or dying? Why would I grant her youthful request to have bigger breasts when instead I could save a child here or a village there? But hey, in my defense, [Read More]

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claiming the 85 richest people on Earth have the same wealth as the entire bottom half of the world’s population has caused outrage among the top 85, who insist the measurement is misleading because their stuff is much nicer. [Read More]

MAN HAILED FOR NOT SHOOTING ANYONE

MAN HAILED FOR NOT SHOOTING ANYONE

COLUMBIA, MO. (SatireWire.com) -- A local man is being hailed as a hero today for not shooting anyone despite living in an area with a shopping mall, two schools, a movie theater, an IRS office and a former workplace. [Read More]

AND NOW YOUR NEW JERSEY RETALIATORY TRAFFIC REPORT

AND NOW YOUR NEW JERSEY RETALIATORY TRAFFIC REPORT

In Woodbridge we’ve got very heavy delays at the 1 and 9 merge due to lane closures caused by a local senator’s opposition to the Governor’s budget, and in Morris County we have a 5-mile backup on the Garden State Parkway approaching the Toms River tolls due to a [Read More]

COLORADO GIGGLING FOR MORE THAN A WEEK NOW

COLORADO GIGGLING FOR MORE THAN A WEEK NOW

DENVER (SatireWire.com) – More than one week after officially legalizing marijuana, Colorado insisted today it was “totally in control,” although the state conceded it has been giggling nonstop since Thursday and may have eaten half of Nebraska during a munchie run. [Read More]

FAMILY CREDITS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT FOR FEWER “FUCK OFFS” LATELY

FAMILY CREDITS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT FOR FEWER “FUCK OFFS” LATELY

PHILADELPHIA (SatireWire.com) -- The holiday spirit has worked its wondrous ways on the Joleen family of Philadelphia, who report that since Christmas break began, they’re telling each other to fuck off much less often. [Read More]

ANGRY AT WASTING $ ON VITAMINS, AMERICANS TURN TO LOTTERY TIX

ANGRY AT WASTING $ ON VITAMINS, AMERICANS TURN TO LOTTERY TIX

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) – From antibacterial soap to vitamins, Americans across the country are outraged that they’ve been wasting their hard-earned money on something not guaranteed to work, said Americans across the country waiting in line to buy lottery tickets. [Read More]

U.S. STUDENTS SAY MATH TESTS UNFAIRLY INCLUDE MATH QUESTIONS

U.S. STUDENTS SAY MATH TESTS UNFAIRLY INCLUDE MATH QUESTIONS

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — U.S. high school students, whose recent math and science scores again fell behind their international peers, claim the tests are inherently unfair as they include questions on math and science, neither of which is their strong suit. [Read More]

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Latest Topics

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human [Read More]

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

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