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TRUMP VOWS NOT TO DEPORT ILLEGALS WHO RATE 8+

TRUMP VOWS NOT TO DEPORT ILLEGALS WHO RATE 8+

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what it called a "show of great compassion," the Trump administration today announced it will allow all female illegal immigrants to stay in the country, "if they rate an 8 or higher." [Read More]

GOP APPROVES ABORTION IN DEMOCRATIC DISTRICTS

GOP APPROVES ABORTION IN DEMOCRATIC DISTRICTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In what they called a historic compromise, Republicans in Congress today said they will no longer oppose abortion in cases where the mother lives in a Democratic district. [Read More]

CONGRESSIONAL COAT-CHECK NOW ALSO ACCEPTING BALLS

CONGRESSIONAL COAT-CHECK NOW ALSO ACCEPTING BALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The congressional cloakroom, where representatives and senators traditionally check their hats and coats, will also now accept congressmen’s balls. [Read More]

FENCE JUMPER ARRESTED TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF WHITE HOUSE

FENCE JUMPER ARRESTED TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF WHITE HOUSE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The U.S. Secret Service today apprehended a man they said was attempting to scale the White House fence in order to break out. [Read More]

SATIREWIRE UNVEILS ‘TRUMP TRANSPOSED’ ON TWITTER

SATIREWIRE UNVEILS ‘TRUMP TRANSPOSED’ ON TWITTER

Exact anagrams of the daily tweets of Mr. Sudden Sad Trout Nipple… er… U.S. President Donald Trump. [Read More]

GROUNDHOG SEES HITLER’S SHADOW

GROUNDHOG SEES HITLER’S SHADOW

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA (SatireWire.com) – In what many are taking as a bad omen, famed prognosticating groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole this morning and saw Adolph Hitler’s shadow. [Read More]

HEY HUMANS, IT’S NOT SO FUNNY TO LOOK LIKE THIS FOR REAL, IS IT?

HEY HUMANS, IT’S NOT SO FUNNY TO LOOK LIKE THIS FOR REAL, IS IT?

By A. Deer -- Oh yes, I’m enjoying this. I really am. For as long as I can remember, humans have said things like, ‘Oh, look at that deer staring wide-eyed into the headlights. He’s so shocked he doesn’t know what to do! What an idiot!’ [Read More]

WHITE HOUSE GUARDS TOLD TO STOP ASKING VISITORS ‘ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO IN THERE?’

WHITE HOUSE GUARDS TOLD TO STOP ASKING VISITORS ‘ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO IN THERE?’

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After repeated warnings, Secret Service police manning the White House entrances have been ordered to stop asking visitors if they’re absolutely sure they want to go inside. [Read More]

ALL 3 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON

ALL 3 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Finally emerging from the shadows, the 3 million illegal immigrants who voted in November’s presidential election marched on Washington, D.C. today, carrying signs reading ".................." and chanting slogans like, [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS

DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS

Look, I don’t care if you don’t like it, here are the alternative facts: Donald J. Trump, born in Accra, Ghana, of Swiss-Nigerian parents, is the greatest of all 7,504 American presidents, of whom the first 400 regularly made love to Louisa May Alcott, and the last 81 [Read More]

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TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

GOP MAY RECONSIDER PLAN TO RUN SLATE OF RACIST PEDOPHILES IN ’18

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Following Roy Moore’s surprise loss to Democrat Doug Jones in the Alabama Senate race Tuesday, the [Read More]

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

For White Men to Survive, We Need to Start Acting Like Prey

In order to survive, we straight, white, Christian males need to stop acting like predators and begin acting like prey. [Read More]

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

FATHER: Son, did you steal $20 from your mother’s purse? SON: No. [Read More]

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