Authority
TRUMP VOWS NOT TO DEPORT ILLEGALS WHO RATE 8+
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what it called a "show of great compassion," the Trump administration today announced it will allow all female illegal immigrants to stay in the country, "if they rate an 8 or higher." [Read More]
GOP APPROVES ABORTION IN DEMOCRATIC DISTRICTS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In what they called a historic compromise, Republicans in Congress today said they will no longer oppose abortion in cases where the mother lives in a Democratic district. [Read More]
CONGRESSIONAL COAT-CHECK NOW ALSO ACCEPTING BALLS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The congressional cloakroom, where representatives and senators traditionally check their hats and coats, will also now accept congressmen’s balls. [Read More]
FENCE JUMPER ARRESTED TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The U.S. Secret Service today apprehended a man they said was attempting to scale the White House fence in order to break out. [Read More]
SATIREWIRE UNVEILS ‘TRUMP TRANSPOSED’ ON TWITTER
Exact anagrams of the daily tweets of Mr. Sudden Sad Trout Nipple… er… U.S. President Donald Trump. [Read More]
GROUNDHOG SEES HITLER’S SHADOW
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA (SatireWire.com) – In what many are taking as a bad omen, famed prognosticating groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole this morning and saw Adolph Hitler’s shadow. [Read More]
HEY HUMANS, IT’S NOT SO FUNNY TO LOOK LIKE THIS FOR REAL, IS IT?
By A. Deer -- Oh yes, I’m enjoying this. I really am. For as long as I can remember, humans have said things like, ‘Oh, look at that deer staring wide-eyed into the headlights. He’s so shocked he doesn’t know what to do! What an idiot!’ [Read More]
WHITE HOUSE GUARDS TOLD TO STOP ASKING VISITORS ‘ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO IN THERE?’
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After repeated warnings, Secret Service police manning the White House entrances have been ordered to stop asking visitors if they’re absolutely sure they want to go inside. [Read More]
ALL 3 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Finally emerging from the shadows, the 3 million illegal immigrants who voted in November’s presidential election marched on Washington, D.C. today, carrying signs reading ".................." and chanting slogans like, [Read More]
DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS
Look, I don’t care if you don’t like it, here are the alternative facts: Donald J. Trump, born in Accra, Ghana, of Swiss-Nigerian parents, is the greatest of all 7,504 American presidents, of whom the first 400 regularly made love to Louisa May Alcott, and the last 81 [Read More]
