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RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM
SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas. [Read More]
ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING
CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive step by setting up a memorial fund for those killed when one of the [Read More]
WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis groups fight to protect their groin-given rights. [Read More]
DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE”
DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too hot” to even think straight, not to mention coordinate the demise of [Read More]
AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END
MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spectacular fashion and not get the girl, while 46 percent think he is a [Read More]
U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Wielding the tautological argument, “If everyone is special, then no one is special,” the White House today said the government is not technically spying on anyone because it is spying on everyone. [Read More]
ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Conceding their “Miss Pentagon” contest idea was not the best way to defuse sexism in the ranks, U.S. Army officials today said they will instead organize a series of “beer summits” between female victims of sexual harassment [Read More]
MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to address rampant sexual harassment in the armed forces, U.S. military commanders today announced they will hold a “Miss Pentagon” contest to boost the morale and standing of female soldiers. [Read More]
RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of extremely radical Multi-Level Marketers claimed today it has kidnapped four hostages and you can too! [Read More]
SANFORD CELEBRATES ELECTION WITH MURDEROUS RAMPAGE
CHARLESTON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Disgraced former Gov. Mark Sanford celebrated his incredible comeback election Tuesday by going on a five-county rampage of arson and murder because in South Carolina that's still not as bad as being a liberal. [Read More]
