Authority
PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS
House Speaker Paul Ryan was rushed to a hospital today after negotiations over House and Senate tax reform bills caused him to experience an erection lasting longer than four hours. [Read More]
CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!
TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up with Japanese leaders, according to close friends who say the oil industry heartthrob is there for super-secret meetings. Quel mystérieux! [Read More]
CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health related entity - Cancer - came out in favor of their proposed Obamacare replacement plan. [Read More]
U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it could get up to some pretty abusive shit if that’s what it takes to get a little attention around here. [Read More]
TRUMP VOWS NOT TO DEPORT ILLEGALS WHO RATE 8+
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what it called a "show of great compassion," the Trump administration today announced it will allow all female illegal immigrants to stay in the country, "if they rate an 8 or higher." [Read More]
GOP APPROVES ABORTION IN DEMOCRATIC DISTRICTS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In what they called a historic compromise, Republicans in Congress today said they will no longer oppose abortion in cases where the mother lives in a Democratic district. [Read More]
CONGRESSIONAL COAT-CHECK NOW ALSO ACCEPTING BALLS
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The congressional cloakroom, where representatives and senators traditionally check their hats and coats, will also now accept congressmen’s balls. [Read More]
FENCE JUMPER ARRESTED TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The U.S. Secret Service today apprehended a man they said was attempting to scale the White House fence in order to break out. [Read More]
SATIREWIRE UNVEILS ‘TRUMP TRANSPOSED’ ON TWITTER
Exact anagrams of the daily tweets of Mr. Sudden Sad Trout Nipple… er… U.S. President Donald Trump. [Read More]
