Authority
SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson on Wednesday, saying he looked forward to both finding a successor and for once not sleeping with a gun under his pillow. [Read More]
GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH
EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has defended its often graphic scenes of violence, sex and abuse, arguing that His job is not to police, "how many breasts get exposed or how many people die, or [Read More]
DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS
(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human lives, but instead leaves that to his head writers, Dan and Benji, who have been scripting Life on Earth since the show’s beginning about 4.5 billion [Read More]
U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT
BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly indistinguishable from its enemies, the Obama administration today said "Fuck it" and announced U.S. troops in the region will just fight each other for the time being. [Read More]
COURT DROPS MINIMUM I.Q. FOR EXECUTION; FLORIDA NOW AT RISK
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Supreme Court Tuesday struck down a Florida law that banned anyone with an IQ below 70 from being executed, a decision that effectively means half of Floridians are now eligible for the death penalty. [Read More]
PULL THE CLIMATE PLUG
As report after report tells us, the environment is like a terminally ill relative being kept alive on life support, and that’s no way to live, is it? That’s why, as difficult as this may be to hear, we need to pull the climate plug. We need to let go. We need to move [Read More]
SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA
NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to include a “spoiler alert” on its new report revealing that climate change will result in famine, disease and widespread environmental catastrophe [Read More]
INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS
“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions officer. “It’s just GPA, test scores, clown masks and defibrillators.” [Read More]
WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS
KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian President Vladimir Putin and vowed to thwart his invasion of Crimea by taking bold and decisive action in their minds. [Read More]
CRIMEA THREAT A GOD-SEND FOR H.S. TEACHER’S CRIMEAN WAR UNIT
ST. LOUIS, MO (SatireWire.com) -- Russia’s incursion into Crimea and the threat of impending bloodshed could not come at a better time, said excited high school history teacher Luis Salgado, who is about to go over the 19th century Crimean War with his usually [Read More]
