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SPOILER ALERT: UN REPORT RUINS END OF GLOBAL WARMING DRAMA
NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Global warming followers the world over were outraged today after the U.N. failed to include a “spoiler alert” on its new report revealing that climate change will result in famine, disease and widespread environmental catastrophe [Read More]
INSIDE THE INSIDE THE INSIDE OF THE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PROCESS
“People think it’s some grand, mysterious process, but honestly it’s not,” says one Yale University admissions officer. “It’s just GPA, test scores, clown masks and defibrillators.” [Read More]
WORLD LEADERS STAND UP TO PUTIN IN THEIR MINDS
KIEV, UKRAINE (SatireWire.com) -- Leaders from Europe and the United States today declared time was up on Russian President Vladimir Putin and vowed to thwart his invasion of Crimea by taking bold and decisive action in their minds. [Read More]
CRIMEA THREAT A GOD-SEND FOR H.S. TEACHER’S CRIMEAN WAR UNIT
ST. LOUIS, MO (SatireWire.com) -- Russia’s incursion into Crimea and the threat of impending bloodshed could not come at a better time, said excited high school history teacher Luis Salgado, who is about to go over the 19th century Crimean War with his usually [Read More]
NATION’S BULLIES DELIGHTED BY LONG-TERM IMPACT OF BULLYING
BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- A heartbreaking new study that shows victims of childhood bullying can suffer long-term mental and physical health problems is, "friggin’ awesome," the nation’s bullies said today. [Read More]
GOD: SNOW ONLY SENT TO KEEP ELDER DANCE CLASS FROM MEETING
SPARTA, N.J. (SatireWire.com) -- The frequent snowstorms that have shut down much of the Eastern U.S. this winter are not the result of climate change or coincidence, but were meant specifically to cancel the Sparta, N.J., Community Center’s weekly “Hip-Hop-Til-U-Drop" [Read More]
UNPOPULAR PERSON ADDRESSES EVEN LESS POPULAR COLLEAGUES
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Speaking on national television Tuesday night, a generally unpopular person told a large gathering of even less popular people that if they do not agree to help him do popular things he will do them on his own even though one reason [Read More]
GOD EXPLAINS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY ‘BIG BOOBS’ THING
OK, OK, I know. Why would I answer Katy Perry’s prayers and ignore the pleas of people who are hungry or homeless or dying? Why would I grant her youthful request to have bigger breasts when instead I could save a child here or a village there? But hey, in my defense, [Read More]
WORLD’S RICHEST 85 INSULTED BY COMPARISON TO WORLD’S POOR HALF
LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claiming the 85 richest people on Earth have the same wealth as the entire bottom half of the world’s population has caused outrage among the top 85, who insist the measurement is misleading because their stuff is much nicer. [Read More]
MAN HAILED FOR NOT SHOOTING ANYONE
COLUMBIA, MO. (SatireWire.com) -- A local man is being hailed as a hero today for not shooting anyone despite living in an area with a shopping mall, two schools, a movie theater, an IRS office and a former workplace. [Read More]
