Authority
HEY HUMANS, IT’S NOT SO FUNNY TO LOOK LIKE THIS FOR REAL, IS IT?
By A. Deer -- Oh yes, I’m enjoying this. I really am. For as long as I can remember, humans have said things like, ‘Oh, look at that deer staring wide-eyed into the headlights. He’s so shocked he doesn’t know what to do! What an idiot!’ [Read More]
WHITE HOUSE GUARDS TOLD TO STOP ASKING VISITORS ‘ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO IN THERE?’
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After repeated warnings, Secret Service police manning the White House entrances have been ordered to stop asking visitors if they’re absolutely sure they want to go inside. [Read More]
ALL 3 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Finally emerging from the shadows, the 3 million illegal immigrants who voted in November’s presidential election marched on Washington, D.C. today, carrying signs reading ".................." and chanting slogans like, [Read More]
DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS
Look, I don’t care if you don’t like it, here are the alternative facts: Donald J. Trump, born in Accra, Ghana, of Swiss-Nigerian parents, is the greatest of all 7,504 American presidents, of whom the first 400 regularly made love to Louisa May Alcott, and the last 81 [Read More]
SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE
6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen to minorities? What will happen to the poor? What will happen if I go to work drunk?” [Read More]
SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION
3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- Trump will tweet: “Inauguration Day! IF I decide to go through with it. MAYBE I WON’T. Unpredictable!” [Read More]
DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB
NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God “overrated” after Jewish online journal The Forward wrote that the president-elect was anointed by the electoral college and not the Almighty. [Read More]
SHIT APPROACHING FAN
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast approaching the fan and will almost certainly hit the fan by the 20th of January. [Read More]
OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER
OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to environmentalists who accuse Apple of recklessly clear-cutting the uniquely adaptable metallic tree. [Read More]
JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’
COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn, who died today at age 95, revealed that while circling the globe in 1962, he secretly laid claim to the entire planet, which he renamed, ‘Johnglenndia.' [Read More]
