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CONGRESS VOWS TO INCREASE AMERICA’S PAIN

CONGRESS VOWS TO INCREASE AMERICA’S PAIN

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) - With economists and the media clamoring for immediate and painful deficit solutions, Congress today suggested that Americans stick forks in their eyes and rip out their own fingernails. [Read More]

N. KOREA WARNED WITH RANDOM U.S. MISSILES

N. KOREA WARNED WITH RANDOM U.S. MISSILES

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA (SatireWire.com) -- In an unusually provocative and candid speech, President Barack Obama today demanded that North Korea abandon its nuclear program, warning the secretive nation, “Don’t fuck with us. We have missiles and shit that just go off on [Read More]

AMERICANS NOT SURE THEY HAVE ENOUGH EXTRA HATE TO DEAL WITH BUSH JUST NOW

AMERICANS NOT SURE THEY HAVE ENOUGH EXTRA HATE TO DEAL WITH BUSH JUST NOW

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- George W. Bush has resurfaced to promote his new book “Decision Points,” but Americans say their hatred for political parties, the media, Wall Street, BP, the economy, tax cuts, Lady Gaga, and Newt Gingrich has left them with no room to get [Read More]

PALIN. 2012. COINCIDENCE?

PALIN. 2012. COINCIDENCE?

ANCHORAGE, AK (SatireWire.com) -- The possibility of a President Palin is gaining traction after a strong Tea Party showing on Tuesday, and the sudden realization that the next presidential election will occur just weeks before the world ends anyway, on Dec. 21, 2012. [Read More]

DEMS CONCEDE GOP HAS MAJORITY MINORITY

DEMS CONCEDE GOP HAS MAJORITY MINORITY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Now in control of only the White House, the Senate, the military, foreign policy, the U.S. Treasury, the Justice Department, homeland security, U.S. energy policy, and -- in cases of national emergency -- everything, Democrats on Capitol [Read More]

AMERICANS THROW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS

AMERICANS THROW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- American voters sent a strong signal to Washington on Tuesday, overturning Congress and effectively “tossing out the bums” who, in 2006 and 2008, threw out the previous bums who, in 2000, threw out the previous bums who, in 1996, [Read More]

SOLDIERS HOARD GUNS, SHIPS IN FACE OF DEFENSE CUTS

SOLDIERS HOARD GUNS, SHIPS IN FACE OF DEFENSE CUTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Fear of massive defense budget cuts caused a panic on U.S. military bases around the globe today as soldiers, sailors and marines rushed to clear shelves of everything from howitzers to Knighthawk helicopters. “This isn’t looting, [Read More]

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA  FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

BEIJING (SatireWire.com) -- Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush [Read More]

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a troubling sign that investigators may be getting bored with their success smuggling guns and knives onto airplanes, the U.S. Department of Transportation today disclosed that its agents have recently cleared airport security [Read More]

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, [Read More]

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TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

TEENAGER USES ROY MOORE DEFENSE

FATHER: Son, did you steal $20 from your mother’s purse? SON: No. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

PAUL RYAN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ERECTION LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS

House Speaker Paul Ryan was rushed to a hospital today after negotiations over House and Senate tax reform bills caused [Read More]

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: REX TILLERSON SPOTTED IN ASIA!

TOKYO (SatireWire.com) – Reclusive CEO-turned-Secretary-of-State Rex Tillerson has been spotted in Asia cozying up [Read More]

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

CANCER ENDORSES REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans picked up a major endorsement today as the world’s leading patient-based health [Read More]

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

U.S. FISH & WILDLIFE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ABUSING ITS POWER

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Overlooked as scandals swirl around other agencies, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service said today it [Read More]

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