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FBI TARGETS PARANOID

FBI TARGETS PARANOID

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The FBI disclosed today that it has been systematically reading and deleting email messages sent to and from paranoid people. According to a Bureau spokesman, the FBI has been pursuing the strategy for “exactly as long as [Read More]

AD NETWORK RELENTS

AD NETWORK RELENTS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Online advertising network DoubleClick, under fire from the New York state attorney general for its now-scrapped plan to personally identify Web surfers and their habits through its software, denied today it ever implemented the [Read More]

MORE DELAYS: IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH “INTENT TO ATTACK” NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

MORE DELAYS: IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH “INTENT TO ATTACK” NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

U.S. Also Needs Invasion, Demolition, Military Housing Permits Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Already frustrated by seemingly endless delays, U.S. officials today conceded a confusing knot of new Iraqi regulations that require “non-resident [Read More]

BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS; NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS; NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

America West Crews Can Now Pop a Cap on a Cold One Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. House of Representatives this week overwhelmingly passed a bill allowing flight crews to carry guns aboard aircraft, a measure strongly supported by pilots, who boasted [Read More]

ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE)

ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE)

U.S. Drops God as Sponsor, Will Look Elsewhere San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – A U.S. federal appeals court ruled Wednesday that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is unconstitutional because it contains the phrase “under God,” a decision [Read More]

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

“Propelled by strong winds from the north, the fires have created a plume of smoke from Michigan to Massachusetts that’s visible as far south as Washington, D.C.” – National Post, Canada, July 8, 2002 Canada Also Discloses It Has Invaded U.S. 113 [Read More]

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

Arab Neighbors Suddenly Opposed to New Country in Qualifying Rounds Kananaskis, Canada (SatireWire.com) – U.S. President George Bush today said Palestinians should elect new leaders and adopt sweeping reforms if they wish to establish an independent state that would [Read More]

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

“A U.S. Forest Service worker admitted sparking the biggest wildfire in Colorado history when she burned a letter from her estranged husband in the bone-dry Pike National Forest a week ago.” – Rocky Mountain News, June 17, 2002 “Incendiary [Read More]

GREENPEACE WILL NOW OPPOSE EVERYTHING

GREENPEACE WILL NOW OPPOSE EVERYTHING

Wendy Is Not a Dolphin, But Robert Is “It’s all bad, it all needs to stop,” said a Greenpeace spokesperson, who added the group will no longer send out action alerts calling for opposition to specific issues, but will instead issue daily alerts to all [Read More]

FBI ACCUSED OF PASSING SECRETS TO U.S.

FBI ACCUSED OF PASSING SECRETS TO U.S.

Information Could Haven Fallen into Wrong Hands, Such as FBI Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an alarming breakdown of internal security, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation today was accused of passing classified, terrorism-related information to the [Read More]

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Latest Topics

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed [Read More]

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has [Read More]

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DAN AND BENJI, NOT GOD, WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(SatireWire.com) -- In a surprising disclosure, God revealed this week that He does not determine what happens in human [Read More]

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

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