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AMERICANS THROW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS

AMERICANS THROW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS WHO THREW OUT BUMS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- American voters sent a strong signal to Washington on Tuesday, overturning Congress and effectively “tossing out the bums” who, in 2006 and 2008, threw out the previous bums who, in 2000, threw out the previous bums who, in 1996, [Read More]

SOLDIERS HOARD GUNS, SHIPS IN FACE OF DEFENSE CUTS

SOLDIERS HOARD GUNS, SHIPS IN FACE OF DEFENSE CUTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Fear of massive defense budget cuts caused a panic on U.S. military bases around the globe today as soldiers, sailors and marines rushed to clear shelves of everything from howitzers to Knighthawk helicopters. “This isn’t looting, [Read More]

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA  FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

BEIJING (SatireWire.com) -- Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush [Read More]

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a troubling sign that investigators may be getting bored with their success smuggling guns and knives onto airplanes, the U.S. Department of Transportation today disclosed that its agents have recently cleared airport security [Read More]

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, [Read More]

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) - After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, [Read More]

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

“We Must Ask Nebraskans, Not Just Middle Easterners, What They Know” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Sensitive to accusations of profiling specific groups, the Justice Department today announced that the American Civil Liberties Union has taken over [Read More]

U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

Selection Committee Gives U.S., China No. 1 seeds; Iraq a No. 3 in Mideast New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update – “March Madness,” the sobriquet of America’s NCAA college basketball tournament, has spilled over to the international arena, as the [Read More]

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

“The Swiss voted Sunday to join the United Nations, moving their country warily but decisively closer to the international community after centuries of neutrality and independence.” – L.A. Times, March 4 “Everybody’s Mean to Me, and the Food [Read More]

CORRECTION: BUSH FAINTS AFTER “CHOKING THE PRETZEL,” NOT “CHOKING ON PRETZEL”

Presidential History Replete with Euphemisms for Staring at the Stars Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today said a miscommunication with the President’s medical staff caused a report to circulate stating President Bush [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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