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KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES – AIRPORT SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a troubling sign that investigators may be getting bored with their success smuggling guns and knives onto airplanes, the U.S. Department of Transportation today disclosed that its agents have recently cleared airport security [Read More]

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, [Read More]

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) - After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, [Read More]

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

“We Must Ask Nebraskans, Not Just Middle Easterners, What They Know” Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Sensitive to accusations of profiling specific groups, the Justice Department today announced that the American Civil Liberties Union has taken over [Read More]

U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

U.N. SETS “GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS” FIELD

Selection Committee Gives U.S., China No. 1 seeds; Iraq a No. 3 in Mideast New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update – “March Madness,” the sobriquet of America’s NCAA college basketball tournament, has spilled over to the international arena, as the [Read More]

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

“The Swiss voted Sunday to join the United Nations, moving their country warily but decisively closer to the international community after centuries of neutrality and independence.” – L.A. Times, March 4 “Everybody’s Mean to Me, and the Food [Read More]

CORRECTION: BUSH FAINTS AFTER “CHOKING THE PRETZEL,” NOT “CHOKING ON PRETZEL”

Presidential History Replete with Euphemisms for Staring at the Stars Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today said a miscommunication with the President’s medical staff caused a report to circulate stating President Bush [Read More]

Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland

Reno, Nev. (SatireWire.com) – President Bush blasted a plan unveiled Thursday that calls for depositing nuclear waste on the Moon, arguing the radioactive material could turn the lunar surface into a vast, uninhabitable wasteland. “Imagine a place where nothing [Read More]

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a marked improvement over their response to previous threats, federal agents evacuated President Bush from the White House today, just two days after a small plane entered restricted air space over Washington. “Mr. [Read More]

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

St. Paul, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Saying he wanted to protect his family’s privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that the intense media scrutiny given to those in public service is driving [Read More]

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Latest Topics

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

U.S. TROOPS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER TILL MIDDLE EAST SORTS ITSELF OUT

BAGHDAD (SatireWire.com) – With the Middle East hopelessly fractured and America's allies increasingly [Read More]

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

STRONG SALES PROVE AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIE IN A CHEVROLET

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – Despite breaking industry records for safety recalls, General Motors this week announced [Read More]

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

GM SPLITS INTO SEPARATE CAR-MAKING, CAR-RECALLING DIVISIONS

DETROIT (SatireWire.com) – General Motors today announced it will split into separate car-making and car-recalling [Read More]

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez will be [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy [Read More]

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