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U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The United States formally apologized to China today for the behavior of Vice President Joe Biden, who spent nearly an hour prior to Wednesday's state dinner trying to make President Hu Jintao take part in a “Hu’s on first” [Read More]

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF ‘TRAGEDIZING’ POLITICS

TUCSON, AZ (SatireWire.com) -- Accusing the Arizona shootings of callously "tragedizing" politics, hundreds of media pundits gathered in this stricken city today in a vigil for shallow partisanship and angry rhetoric, which they said have been victimized by the horrific [Read More]

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

KABUL, COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) -- Vice President Joe Biden today vowed America will not repeat past mistakes by abandoning Afghanistan after U.S. troops leave, but will instead begin to forget about the country now, well ahead of the 2014 withdrawal. [Read More]

HOUSE TO READ ‘HARRY POTTER’ NEXT, THEN ‘VAGINA MONOLOGUES’

HOUSE TO READ ‘HARRY POTTER’ NEXT, THEN ‘VAGINA MONOLOGUES’

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Exhilarated and inspired after reading the U.S. Constitution aloud on Thursday, the House of Representatives voted to recite the full Harry Potter series next, followed by The Vagina Monologues. [Read More]

OBAMA PANTSED

OBAMA PANTSED

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – President Obama was pantsed Tuesday by freshmen House Republicans as part of the time-honored scavenger hunt that marks the end of initiation week for new GOP representatives. [Read More]

NATION’S BIRDS GROUNDED AFTER CRASH

NATION’S BIRDS GROUNDED AFTER CRASH

BEEBE, ARK (SatireWire.com) -- The nation’s birds have been grounded pending an investigation into a massive blackbird crash in Arkansas over the weekend. [Read More]

WIKILEAKS RELEASES BOEHNER’S NETFLIX ACCOUNT

WIKILEAKS RELEASES BOEHNER’S NETFLIX ACCOUNT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Just days after his tearful 60 Minutes interview, a visibly upset House Minority Leader John Boehner today announced WikiLeaks has published details of his private Netflix account showing “Terms of Endearment” has still not shipped, [Read More]

ASSANGE REGRETS LEAKING PRISON BREAKOUT PLAN

ASSANGE REGRETS LEAKING PRISON BREAKOUT PLAN

LONDON (SatireWire.com) – WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was in the hospital wing of Wandsworth Prison today after being unable to keep himself from divulging details of a planned breakout by fellow inmates. [Read More]

‘ISH’ FROM ENGLISH SECRETLY REPLACED BY ‘ISH’ FROM SPANISH

‘ISH’ FROM ENGLISH SECRETLY REPLACED BY ‘ISH’ FROM SPANISH

PHOENIX, AZ (SatireWire.com) -- The ‘ish’ in the word English has been secretly replaced by the ‘ish’ from the word Spanish, according to anti-immigration groups who claim it is part of the “relentless campaign to de-Anglicize America.” [Read More]

ELATED MCCAIN KISSES GENERALS AFTER TESTIMONY

ELATED MCCAIN KISSES GENERALS AFTER TESTIMONY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Three of the four U.S. armed service chiefs told lawmakers Friday they opposed an immediate repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,’ but their testimony was cut short when repeal opponent Sen. John McCain, seemingly overjoyed with their [Read More]

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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to [Read More]

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

JOHN GLENN (RIP): ‘I CLAIMED EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn, who died [Read More]

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